I tried to discuss vasectomies with my husband This is how it went

[enjoyeverymoment]

Myself and my husband have 3 small dc. We know our family is complete so naturally the topic of contraception has come up.
We went to the gp together and my gp basically was dismissive of vasectomys and suggested the coil for me. From what I read it can cause heavy periods so I decided I didn't want the risk as I already suffer and the pill used to make me very hormonal years ago.

My husband is very against having a vasectomy because he is afraid of any side effects and is now saying because the gp was dismissive she obviously doesn't recommend it either. I've recently learned of a new no scalpel procedure and discussed it with him but again he shot me down and wouldn't discuss it further. I wasn't asking him to book an appointment but read up about it, talk to his friends ect just consider it.

I've explained to him that I went through a lot multiple miscarriages prior to having dc, procedures to find out the reason I was miscarrying, bad birth on ds 1 and two sections on dds and I never gave the effects on my body a second though as it was worth it. His reply was well you wanted three I would have settled at two. We agreed three and not once did he suggested had doubts after dd2. His only condition was number 3 was conceived before we turn 40. He is a great dad to all 3 children and I've no doubt he loves them but he always maintains how I wanted 3 not him.

The thing I have an issue with though is if I fell pregnant again he would be hinting I'd have an abortion. He wouldn't make me but I would hear all the negative things another baby would do to us.

I hear women all the time saying how their husband went and had a vasectomy so they wouldn't worry anymore about falling pregnant and so they wouldn't be pumping their bodies with hormones ect. My husband would gladly sit back and say nothing if I announced tomorrow I was having my tubes tied without discussing the risk then reap in the reward. That's how I feel anyway.

At the moment we're using condoms but it's not good. The simple solution is to stop having sex but where does that leave our marriage.

@Shakespearsister Can you provide a source for those figures? I'm trying to determine why they're so much higher than the comparable statistics in the US.

Yes, what is the source?

yes, the Dr who did DH’s said it was a 1-2% risk too. We’re in the UK. He also said, included in those figures was men who had pain that lasted for longer than 7 days but sometimes only as long as 10days

Various studies on the incidence of post-vascectomy pain syndrome (one of the possible complications) suggest that that is not the case...

"A retrospective postal survey of 396 men found that 4% had significant genital pain for more than one year that required surgical intervention.

Another study contacted 470 vasectomy patients and received 182 responses, finding that 18.7% of respondents experienced chronic genital pain with 2.2% of respondents experiencing pain that adversely affected quality of life.

The most robust study of post-vasectomy pain, according to the American Urology Association's Vasectomy Guidelines 2012 (amended 2015)[20] found a rate of 14.7% reported new-onset scrotal pain at 7 months after vasectomy with 0.9% describing the pain as "quite severe and noticeably affecting their quality of life".

An investigation of peer-reviewed articles published in March 2020 examined 559 articles, performed meta-analysis on 25 separate datasets, and concluded that the incidence of post-vasectomy pain syndrome is 5% (95% CI 3% to 8%) with similar incidence of PVPS for both the scalpel and the no-scalpel technique."

Source: en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-vasectomy_pain_syndrome

He's a bit of a twat really. My DH offered to have a vasectomy, which I wasn't comfortable with, and since mirena is absolutely amazing there's no need. But his refusal is just shit.

The NHS don't want to be responsible for the cost of a vasectomy reversal which is why they try and steer towards other options. That was certainly the case 15 years ago when I had a conversation with a GP about it. At the time my DH was early 30's so whilst we were sure our family was complete I could also see the benefit in delaying that for a few years so went with the coil. I am 4 years into my 3rd and have every intention of having another one next year. First 6 weeks of the first one was a constant period but after that basically nothing. I have tampons in my cupboard which I purchased on a Boots Advantage pre Christmas shopping evening 15 years ago that I've never used - not quite sure why I haven't thrown them away but hey ho.

If DH is so selfish that he won't do his bit now, especially after everything you've been through, go with the no sex option. If your relationship disintegrates as a result you'll probably just get to the same point you would have anyway only quicker - if he's so selfish on this topic what is he like the rest of the time?

Another study contacted 470 vasectomy patients and received 182 responses, finding that 18.7% of respondents experienced chronic genital pain with 2.2% of respondents experiencing pain that adversely affected quality of life.
So less than 40% responded and 18.7% of those that did reported the chronic genital pain. It’s difficult to determine whether those in pain would be substantially more likely to respond thus making that number seem so high.
Of course it’s certainly not good that so many men are suffering following what should be an easy, routine procedure. Is it possibly that the Drs performing the procedure are unsure how to undertake it correctly or don’t get enough practice? Why did the Dr who performed DH’s say his stats were so much lower? Why are the stats so much lower in the US? DH and I know of 11 men personally who’ve undergone a vasectomy. None have had any issues. Of course that’s just anecdotal but we do know of 8 women who suffered birth trauma; 2 severe requiring corrective surgery. Again this is anecdotal but I’ve never met a woman who doesn’t know at least one other woman who suffered physical trauma during childbirth. I’d be interested to see stats on whether problems occur less in the US due to who carries out the procedure compared to the UK or whether the technique is different because the stats DH was quoted by his Dr seem very similar to those in the US mentioned up thread by @MissConductUS.

I did some in-depth research and came to the same conclusion.

Was your indepth research Wikipedia?

Was your indepth research Wikipedia?

It did include Wikipedia, yes. The reference list is often good starting point to find relevant research.

Do you have a problem with that?

Vasectomy carries a 10% risk of serious medical complications which are frequently untreatable. There is also a further 20% incidence of painful side effects lasting up to three months

Source please

Post vasectomy pain is not a made up thing. I also did my own research - not including wikipedia. I looked at quite a few medical research papers plus the websites of private surgeons who both perform vasectomies and try to treat patients with post vasectomy pain. As vasectomies are by far and away their main source of income it would not be in their interests to make up post vasectomy pain as a thing, indeed the opposite.

I am shocked to read all the woman doing there research to support there man not having a vasectomy. Did you do the same reading on risks during and after childbirth, contraception use and sterilisation for woman. Or were you too busy justifying why your man couldnt possibly have a simple procedure.

Post vasectomy pain is not a made up thing.

Literally nobody on this thread has said that is.

I am shocked to read all the woman doing there research to support there man not having a vasectomy. Did you do the same reading on risks during and after childbirth, contraception use and sterilisation for woman.

Yes.

Or were you too busy justifying why your man couldnt possibly have a simple procedure.

Perhaps you should do some research too.

@Bwlch

Was your indepth research Wikipedia?

It did include Wikipedia, yes. The reference list is often good starting point to find relevant research.

Do you have a problem with that?

As you quoted an article with a participation rate of under 50%, from wikipedia, I'd say you'd need some more training to evaluate the data for yourself, and that Wikipedia (at least that entry) may not even be the best entry point.

As you quoted an article with a participation rate of under 50%, from wikipedia, I'd say you'd need some more training to evaluate the data for yourself, and that Wikipedia (at least that entry) may not even be the best entry point.

That was quoted simply because it was the easiest to find.

Yes, I’ve read the risks on contraception and sterilisation for women.

I had a small read on the risks of pregnancy and child birth but not much because, as I said upthread, there wasn’t any alternative given we wanted biological children.

DH has also read up on the risks, he did the research initially and then I did my own to see whether the risk was real. It is.

^this was to picosandsancerre

The problem with the study quoted is that it's a self-selecting sample. Simply put, someone who has had post-vasectomy pain is going to be far, far likelier to respond than someone who hasn't. The risk of bias in this study is very serious.

“mirena is absolutely amazing“: for some, perhaps. Had a v bad experience with it myself.

The problem with the study quoted is that it's a self-selecting sample.

Which study quoted?

The one with the 470 men and the 18.7% reporting issues.

@Bwlch

As you quoted an article with a participation rate of under 50%, from wikipedia, I'd say you'd need some more training to evaluate the data for yourself, and that Wikipedia (at least that entry) may not even be the best entry point.

That was quoted simply because it was the easiest to find.

But it was an irrelevant study. Waste of time, even if quick to find.

It's self selecting because only people who are keen to report any side effects will reply. Being a retrospective study, those people are also likely to claim worse effects than reality. Recall bias will be severe.

I'm sure there are better studies.

The thing is, by choosing something like this that is so easy to see how wrong the claims are likely to be, you may claim to have done loads of research but it is not likely to have been any good.

The one with the 470 men and the 18.7% reporting issues.

OK, lets assume 100% response (unlikely in my experience) and that all the remaining 288 men reported no pain. That still leaves 7.24% of men reporting chronic pain.

By the way, I am not denying that post-vasectomy pain is a thing. My Dsis' partner had complications from his vasectomy and they definitely had an impact. My late husband's recovery was also not perfect, though a simple course of antibiotics sorted him out - and after I'd done all the contraception and childbearing, he was happy to take the risks.

He was also not a selfish git in bed.

I'm sure there are better studies.

There are, and some were referenced in the Wikipedia article.