Has anyone started a complete fresh after divorce? House, job, schools?

[CakesRus3]

Living in the house we bought together. Living in the town I grew up in, so many awful memories. No friends here. Exh doesn't see our dd's (his choice), hate my job (off sick at the moment due to my anxiety/Stress levels making me feel ill. Only qualified as a nurse 18 months ago. Hated my training but I put that down to it being so difficult as a single parent. I work in mental health. Its definitely impacted on my own. Lots of bullying and im exhausted by it.
Looking at different areas to live, tgat are a little cheaper. Also found out today postal workers earn the same as me. Lone working. Exercise on the job. Considering it!
My eldest dd at home leaves school in June. My youngest would have to charge schools. She absolutely hates school and always tells me she has no friends. However is such an anxious child so not sure it would help her by moving.
I'm just sick of it all at the moment. Not sure if it's me going through a mid life crisis/depression or if it's something that might benefit us all. I feel so stuck right now.

Just about to do that minus schools as no kids. But selling the home moving to a new town and will get a new job as I wont be able to commute. I'm very excited.

I relocated completely 100 miles down the road with my DD (was 2 at time of move) to be with family. New job, new house and area and its the best thing I ever did. We are both so much happier

Moving sounds appealing especially if to a cheaper area. Have you family or friends you could be closer to?

I moved 250 miles, I suppose I ran away 😐, very valid reasons though. 10years later, we have a new home, a new life, a new job, new friends and now a new happy family, in a whole new town that we consider home. It hasn’t always been easy but the pain and upset all fades when I see how happy and settled my daughter is. She has a great relationship with her dad and his new family too, despite the distance his work allows him to spend a lot of time with her. It’s taken work at times but was worth it.

Yes, me. Moved 150 miles away to a different city with my DS, who was then aged 4. I basically wanted a better life, a fresh start, somewhere cheaper, where I could access good schools.
I didn’t know anyone when I moved here and had no job or house but I was so high on adrenaline and determination, I just went for it. 5 yrs on, we’ve built a good life here. I’ve changed career, my son is happy and I’ve made some very good friendships.
Life is too short to be miserable. And I never wanted to look back and think ‘oh if only...’
Good luck.

Lovely - I'm glad it all worked out for you all. So brave!
Spoke to my youngest and she thinks it would be to scary for her. I'm trying to talk her round. I think it could be a good thing for us all. I don't have family but a few friends I went to uni with, that live in different areas.

I always wonder if it would feel like home? How long before it does? I have lived in the same place for 30 years. Do you settle?

I Had lived in the same place for 42 years. I moved about 45 miles away when I got divorced. I managed to get an office transfer so not exactly a new job but I didn’t know anyone at the new office. My daughter was 10 years old. I was very very happy in my new home with my new life and settled in very quickly and I look back on it now as a wonderful Time and don’t regret any of it. Good luck.

02poorpaws good! How did your daughter settle? How did she feel about moving schools? The younger children are, the easier. If mine were primary age, I wouldn't hesitate. My daughter is year 8. She struggles at school and even though has a couple of friends, never meets up after school or weekends. Not sure if she is too young for that. She doesn't go to any out of school activities like my other dd. She's very shy. It would be difficult for her to change. However, I know it could be a good thing for her. The thought of staying in the same area for another 4/5 years is depressing.

Yes I did. I didn't have kids though.

We had two houses very close together, as part of the divorce I got one, he the other. I couldn't bare the fact that he was so close, as were our friends, he'd check up on me etc. So I managed to move jobs internally with work, I moved over 200 miles away, rented whilst I sold my house and bought in the new location.

It was surprisingly easy to make new friends and start again, it was a huge fresh start for me and even kicked off my career in a new direction. He was emotionally, financially and sexually abusive towards me and we'd been together since my early teens. It was difficult to start with, but only because I'd been so used to being controlled. Once I got over that I loved it and lived alone for the next 10 years.

56LilyLongJohn I'm so glad you did that! That's great for you. I would do it yesterday if I could. I live in a small community so it's difficult. I just worry about my youngest dd. I feel a bit stuck, like this is always going to stay a dream. Life is too short, true. I feel like I'm wasting it here.

Moved 6000 miles away and half way across the world. Knew nobody and eventually everything slotted into place. We live a modest lifestyle now and are very happy.
If only we could get rid of the vile ex having to be in the children's lives, then things would be 100% perfect !
Take the risk! You never know what's around the corner.

03pinkyponkywonky wow! I'm glad it worked for you. How many dc's do you have? How old were they? What made you move so far?

I lived in my last area my whole life (32 years). I have been here 5 months now and it feels like home so much more then where I lived my whole life so yes I think it can feel like home somewhere new.

Yep me and dd moved 20 miles away to a flat near the seaside. Beat thing we ever did. I gave up my job because I didn’t want to do the commute and she started at 6th form college. She’s just gone off to uni and I’m happily working from
Home doing a job I enjoy, with friends and a wonderful new man!

I just moved DC from Asia back to UK during pandemic... Where we came from is managing covid very well etc
The exh made such a mess for us where we were, it is such a relief to be back here and having a totally fresh start, even with numbers going up in pandemic.
We have our own gaff, new school, job etc. Exh completely off the scene (his choice) so the new start very easy and I can say I haven't been this happy in years. 😀💪

I did it when my DS was small but I was moving to be closer to supportive family. I'd like to do it again tho ...

I think moving areas is so much easier nowadays because of the Internet - you can connect within your new community immediately through loads of different groups and also still be in touch with your old network.

I think you should think longer term about YOU and your career. Your DCs will be moving on with their lives so it is important that you do something that is going to be long term rewarding for you.

It’s disappointing that your qualification has brought you the job satisfaction you deserve. Is it just that hospital - can you look at associated careers that could use your skills. What part of the role do you like and what parts do you dislike.

How far away would you move - how old is your youngest DD and what lifestyle change do you want - coastal, rural, city?

It sounds v exciting and all of the PP have had positive experiences.

Just go for it!!

@CakesRus3 couldn’t read and not post . Have recently moved over 400 miles away with Dc aged 14 . Don’t really know anyone here and left family behind . Also work in mental health so I know how stressful it can be . Rented for now but didn’t have the job secured until we got here . She is also like your Dc shy and quiet . Have had some issues settling in for her as new school and all these covid changes don’t help .BUT don’t regret it for a second , cheaper ,very friendly people ,gorgeous scenery a slower pace of life .
My advice is go for it, life is too short to be unhappy .

A little bit off subject but you mention postal workers earning the same as you - a good friend who was/is health professional has recently completely changed career to become a train driver and is earning way more than she was in her job she studied for years and years for. Once fully qualified she will be earning around £60k pa. She is located and working in London but I understand she wouldn’t be earning much less working outside London. She does have to work one weekend in four and has a week per month of seriously early starts, although having worked for NHS, she is used to shift working.

Definitely something to think about if a salary like this could influence your decisions.

Thankyou all so much, I really appreciate your messages. I have been chatting to my youngest (who is off school today due to a few issues re anxiety), really not sure how to handle this at the moment. I work in mental health but when it's your own. She would love to move houses but is so scared she wouldn't know where to go, who would she sit with at lunch.
05Sssloou oh the coast would be fabulous.
02Msyoganidra32 wow you are very brave, your dd too. How did you persuade your dd? Im glad things are settling for you both. I am in ore of you. Covid has had a massive impact on so many people. Can I ask, what made you make that decision? I'm South Wales so the move would be further towards the valleys. Lots of lovely scenery. Apparently a very friendly place to be. Yes, mental health is difficult to work in. It doesn't help i have not been supported.
48smileannie wow, that's impressive. Very brave indeed! I think I need to give one more area a chance before I make a decision about leaving the profession. I think then, I can make a final decision and look at other things if it doesn't work out.
I didn't think about renting first. That's a good idea.

Renting is always a great investment so that you get the lay of the land and don’t inadvertently buy in the wrong street. Why not try some air b n b for a week or so at a time so you can get the feel for it.

56Sssloou that's a good idea, that. I have looked at rented property, it's do so expensive. Just looked at air bnb too. There are some reasonable prices.