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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU at my Fiancé not getting me a Birthday Present!?

55 replies

Taloola40 · 26/09/2020 23:29

My Fiancé and I have been together for over five years. I ALWAYS make an effort for his and our kids birthdays. Recently he had a milestone birthday and I bought an amazing present and took him away for the weekend. My birthday was last week and I got nothing, not even a card he didn't even get the kids to make a card for me. I just don't get it. I know it's not the receiving it's the giving etc. But this has just made me feel like he really doesn't value me at all!! :(

OP posts:
Needhelp101 · 02/10/2020 16:39

Christ, even my ex-husband gets me a card and a present from our children. I do the same for him. It's just simple kindness, isn't it?
I'd be very hurt if I were you, OP.

HollowTalk · 02/10/2020 17:03

@updownroundandround

I'm a little confused to be honest Confused

You've been a couple for over 5 years.............
You have children together..................
You are engaged to be married..............

Any you're actually saying that ;

  1. He did not know it was your birthday.
  2. He did not know it was a milestone birthday.
  3. He did not know the DC would not be able to buy you a card themselves.
  4. He did not know you feel it's important that birthdays are celebrated.

Really ??

I think it's maybe a bit more likely that he did know, all of the above but simply didn't give a toss!

I know you've said he's otherwise a marvelous guy..................but is he really??

Totally agree with this, though it wasn't her milestone birthday. That was his, recently.

He's a selfish piece of work, OP. I wouldn't marry someone that I knew in advance was as selfish as this.

Shizzlestix · 02/10/2020 20:41

How does he show love? Through sex and telling you he fancies you? In what way is he fantastic? Because ignoring your birthday when you’ve put in a huge effort for his is shit, let me tell you, really fucking shit.

BitOfANameChange · 02/10/2020 21:47

My ex expected decent birthday gifts, while barely putting any effort into mine. Same for Xmas. Valentine's day was met with "it's materialistic nonsense, we don't do that". Mother's day was hit or miss. At least I got a card that nursery or school helped them to make, he wouldn't bother helping them.

He knew I liked marking birthdays, etc, and I got very little to even mark milestone birthdays.

He "didn't do cards" either , couldn't even make the effort for that, so some years I got nothing. Then in the years he actually remembered, I was clearly expected to gush amazingly about a £10 CD or similar. While he carried on expecting, telling, me what I was supposed to get for him.

One of many reasons he's an ex.

OP, take a good hard look at your relationship. You say he's your fiancé, do you actually have a date set? Because he doesn't sound all that great and loving to me.

Enjoying all the stuff you got him, even talking about it to your friends, while he did nothing to mark your birthday is a shitty thing for him to do, and I wouldn't buy that he "forgot" or "didn't realise it mattered" to you. That you did for him is enough to have alerted him to the fact that this sort of thing matters to you, you've been together long enough. Especially as you say he knows your backstory, about not getting much as a child.

So talk to him, tell him it matters, and tell him to make it up to you soon.

SissyLongStockings · 04/10/2020 01:14

Was married to a man for over ten years. He Never bothered with valentine's, Xmas, my birthday, wedding anniversary, his family had to push him in to a card and flowers when our son was born. Mother's Day he bothered one year when we went shopping and picked up a card( didn't read it) slung it in the trolley and said" only because you'll moan if I don't."
This made me feel like crap for years. Like I was nothing. He knew it meant something to me as I have kept cards right from when I was born. He just couldn't be bothered.
This and other things led to us now divorcing.

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