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Original poster

Flakey date 😡

59 replies

nolovelost · 24/09/2020 12:45

Hi all, I really should know what to do, I've been online dating for years and always know what to do! If it was someone on here I'd know exactly what to say!

Got chatting to someone online, never had so much in common with someone and chats have been amazing. We tried to arrange a date the other week and he was a bit flakey - nothing major, I decided to give him a chance. And then we were supposed to meet tonight - eagerness from both sides, his idea etc.

I asked yesterday if he wanted to still meet, hasn't replied until this morning (was preparing myself for flakiness or excuse).

Says he has an issue with his dog, and if he's telling the truth then that's sad and understand. But he said he doesn't want to leave it on it's own. In past conversations he says that his ex is moving out at the beginning of next month so the pet wouldn't be on it's own!

If he's telling the truth I need to reply in a way that won't stop him from messaging in the future. But I want to keep it brief and to the point so he knows I'm not sure about his excuse.

So I was thinking along the lines of 'I'm sorry to hear about your dog. I'll leave it up to you to message if you want to meet'

Due to the first flakiness I told myself I'd just block if I got messed about, but what if I'm wrong??

God... shall I just move on?

OP posts:
Bunnymumy · 24/09/2020 15:20

Yeah the thing is though would you not want to wait till you were properly over and living separate before looking to start dating someone new? If something doesnt sound right...its probably because there's something not right with the person saying it. Or it's a lie.

Iloveme30 · 24/09/2020 15:35

Nope
Don't say anything just .. no worries take care and leave it at that

HaggisBurger · 24/09/2020 15:42

Not split from his “ex” yet but enjoying the messaging. Clear as day.

JimmyJabs · 24/09/2020 15:53

Nope. There are so many men on OLD who do this (I'm sure women do it too, but I don't date women so don't come at me 😄). I think they just want the ego boost of knowing that they could date you if they wanted to, but never have any intention of going through with it. I would be tempted to send him a thumbs up emoji and then block, but any of the other suggestions on here would be great too.

Manxiety · 24/09/2020 16:02

Don't let your savvyness be clouded by this because it's your first in while op. Why did he suggest a day he did his hobby on?

I'd say - 'that's a shame'. (ambiguous - about dog/date) 'Come back to me when you have have an alternative'. (Clear you want a date but are not willing to be strung along till then).

Geppili · 24/09/2020 16:08

He's still with someone.

dairydairywhyamihairy · 24/09/2020 16:14

If he's still living with her I'd say that he needs some time to be on his own between relationships. Okay if he has actually split up covid isn't his fault but he still hasn't had a chance to live alone and get to know himself yet. I wouldn't bother with this man for that alone but also I think his flakiness suggests he's probably still with his "ex"

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/09/2020 16:16

Does his facebook status say that he's single? (think I know the answer to this one)

Original poster
nolovelost · 24/09/2020 17:23

I can't find him, I've been desperately looking but I don't know his surname.

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 24/09/2020 17:30

he says that his ex is moving out at the beginning of next month

Clearly on/off with the ex. Don't message again and he instigates personally I would politely refuse.

Original poster
nolovelost · 24/09/2020 17:33

I still shouldn't have carried on messaging him after he disclosed he lived with his ex!

Flakey date 😡
OP posts:
beachydreams · 24/09/2020 17:33

I’m not sure he’s actually single!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 24/09/2020 17:49

Just ask if you can be his Facebook friend

Aerial2020 · 24/09/2020 19:09

Yeah I don't believe him

Bunnymumy · 24/09/2020 19:11

If he has mentioned a brother or sister (or other family names) try them with his surname. It's how I caught out a mr 'I dont have fb' (He did. And a gf)

category12 · 24/09/2020 19:13

Not really single.

anotherdisaster · 24/09/2020 19:17

He's either not single or its true they've split up but still living together - in which case he's basically fishing for someone else before the bed is even cold. That in itself is a red flag. He sounds like he's stringing you along.
I'm always suspicious when a guy changes plans. In the space of 1 week I had a guy SOOO keen to meet me then stood me up (he had changed the time), then another guy who changed the day but then I never heard from him again.

newnameforthis123 · 24/09/2020 19:32

Even if they really have split, it's too messy to get involved with. Say restrictions lift then what are you going to do, not be able to go to his because his ex still lives there? If a man wants to see you, he will. Even if it means skipping a hobby for a week. And if he really wants to see you he wouldn't just say I can't tonight on the day / day before, he'd say shit I can't now I'm sorry how about Saturday or Sunday (or whatever days he can do) we go out as I do want to see you? People are proactive when they like someone. It isn't hard when it's mutual.

bembridge11 · 24/09/2020 19:35

Don't reply
He will come back to you - they always do
It is clear he isn't being totally honest - so let him sort his shit out...

cheerup · 24/09/2020 19:38

Hey. No worries. I understand. Take care x

Then archive the WhatsApp, unmatch from whence he came and move on.

GettingChilly · 24/09/2020 19:54

No worries, take care.

Was always my standard response to flaky men.

Original poster
nolovelost · 24/09/2020 20:09

@Bunnymumy I don't have his surname!

He rehearses in a band, I just called it a hobby for ease and non identification but I don't care now!

OP posts:
Playingchesswithpigeons · 24/09/2020 20:09

Tbh if somebody wrote a scenario that one of two free days you have for a date, he's not free on one of them because he does his hobby that night. I really would assume he's not very interested.
My other half and me too, would have cancelled everything bar an emergency for a date at the beginning. Butterflies then, butterflies now x

litterbird · 24/09/2020 20:20

If he rehearses in a band I sort of get it....I have dated, am with a musician now and also rehearse myself and I am afraid the music rehearsals will come first with musicians. I would give him one last chance purely because I have a friend who is desperate to leave his house, he separated from his ex back in March then covid hit so they live together separately...he hates it but this is the way things are. He is keen to move on with dating but its hard for him to find someone who believes he really is over and finished with the ex. He's a musician too. If he flakes again, its just he is not in the right space to move on and may not be for a long time. Exes can get back together frequently so there is always that chance too. One more shot then leave it for good.

Notcoolmum · 24/09/2020 20:43

He lives with his ex. They only split up in April. Far too messy. If they have even split up.