Should I start a relationship with a 30 year old man when I’m 37?

[ShouldI83]

I met this man, he lives a few doors down. We have spoken a lot over lock down. He has been playing with my 4 year old daughter outside and she adores him. It’s been so lovely to watch as she has no contact with her father. I think there may be feelings growing, I’m not sure.

He has no children and pretty sure he would want them. Would it be selfish to start up a relationship when I’m not sure I want any more/getting too old!

*Someone not something!

@CucumberFacePot

There would be absolutely nothing wrong with starting a relationship, just be honest about how you feel about having more children from the start.

I'm 38 and my partner is 26. It's not the age, it's the person. I never imagined I'd be with something 12 years younger than me but I adore him and he makes me so happy. I'm so glad I kept an open mind and didn't rule out the relationship based on age alone.

Lol “something”!

Some of these replies are fucked up! Where I work is family friendly and some of my colleagues, both male and female, just have that knack with kids and make a proper effort with them. I thought this was quite cool but maybe I've misjudged it and they're all nonces?

OP, if you like him, you should try to gauge whether your feelings are reciprocated by being more forthright.

I do get it which is why I watch her like a hawk. It is just a little rude to assume I’m incapable. Over lock down I made a lot of friends in the street. There is an elderly man (wait for it) who we visit as he has no one.

I sound like some kind of man snatcher...

Ask him out on a date and see what happens.
I was badly burned by a relationship with a man 12 years younger than me who claimed he didn't want children (I don't either) but then he did so he left, then he didn't so he came back etcetc. Long story.... Now he's with a woman 22 years older than himself who definitely won't be having children.
I'd be very wary in future of starting a relationship with a younger man.

BUT, if you can establish what sort of person his bloke is then it could work. Does he know what he wants? Is his life stable - eg. no dodgy work history (in and out of work); renting/owning his own place? Is he wanting a girlfriend or a mother figure? What are his genuine views on having children and not just him saying what he thinks you want to hear?
I'd suggest going on some dates and proceeding with caution and trying to establish the issue about children fairly early on so that you don't get too involved and he ends up breaking your heart in a couple of years time when it becomes clear that the issue cannot be resolved. If he does want his own children and you don't want them, then you should not get involved with him so that he is free to find someone who does want them.

@iluvgab great advice and those are my concerns. To be honest I don’t think I would get badly burned because I’m not even sure what I really want either. I’ve had a “proper” 13 year relationship with a bully so I just want to be happy with someone who isn’t such a serious person and enjoys the preset not always looking in the future all the time.

This guy is funny and he has his own house, nice car, good job, bit of a joker, doesn’t take life too seriously...which is a nice change! But also a really decent person....I think, that’s what the dating is for I guess!

Considering what I’ve been through I am actually quite young at heart.

Go and have some fun with him (assuming he wants to as well), just be aware that it might not be long term and don't get over-involved too quickly and keep lines of communication open and honest

Male perspective.

1. Ask him out. He is probably worried about putting you in an awkward position if he asks you.
2. For fuck's sake ignore this stuff about him being a raging weirdo for being nice to your child.
3. Good luck.

@BlokeHereInPeace

Male perspective.

1. Ask him out. He is probably worried about putting you in an awkward position if he asks you.
2. For fuck's sake ignore this stuff about him being a raging weirdo for being nice to your child.
3. Good luck.

Thanks, I do feel sorry for men who are always branded names. Must be difficult knowing what to do in those situations. My little girl just goes running to him wanting to cause mischief and he entertains her. It’s nice to see for me, it’s hard with children already, will they accept them or be scared. He has already dropped into a convo he would date someone with a child and he is very good with them form what I can see.

I really wouldn’t want to waste time on someone who couldn’t do children as she is a massive part of my life...:obviously!

Mumsnet has gone totally wierd. Why not meet up as friends for a bite to eat and just chat. You don't have to worry about the big stuff yet. It might work out. He sounds lovely.

Just meet up. You are no cradle snatcher.

"He has already dropped into a convo he would date someone with a child"

Bloody hell. Get him out to a cafe for a lunchtime hot drink. Today.