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Original poster

Should I start a relationship with a 30 year old man when I’m 37?

64 replies

ShouldI83 · 23/09/2020 19:21

I met this man, he lives a few doors down. We have spoken a lot over lock down. He has been playing with my 4 year old daughter outside and she adores him. It’s been so lovely to watch as she has no contact with her father. I think there may be feelings growing, I’m not sure.

He has no children and pretty sure he would want them. Would it be selfish to start up a relationship when I’m not sure I want any more/getting too old!

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldI83 · 23/09/2020 21:22

No formal date because of Covid, just a lot of talking and laughing.

OP posts:
CandyLeBonBon · 23/09/2020 21:26

Well this is all a bit strange! Maybe have a coffee first OP, before you choose baby names! Grin

NameChange84 · 23/09/2020 21:31

Has he actually expressed an interest? Is he just being nice or has he admitted he has a thing for you and would be interested in more?

lasangoles · 23/09/2020 21:32

I'm dating someone 11 years older than me. Didn't even choose to worry about it until I'd actually been on a few dates and knew what he was like. Do you even know if he is interested?

Original poster
ShouldI83 · 23/09/2020 21:38

Well he msgs me every day. I’ve been out of it for a while so probably not the best at spotting the signs!

OP posts:
LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 23/09/2020 21:42

Well if he's messaging you... why not?

The adults on our street have all been out playing with the kids over lockdown, it's been really nice.

Original poster
ShouldI83 · 23/09/2020 21:45

If someone messages you quite a lot does that mean they into you Wink

OP posts:
Sakurami · 23/09/2020 21:54

I think it is fine, not too big a gap. You may change your mind about kids but if not then he can always leave

bella1426 · 23/09/2020 21:55

I started dating a 30 year old when I was 37! (I had a 2 year old at the time) 3 years later we moved In together, a year after that had a baby who is about to turn 2 and we're all blissfully happy together...go for it, you never know which way it could go if you don't give it a try!

pumpkinpie01 · 23/09/2020 22:02

Yea it's not that big an age gap , as you message a lot why not just invite him round one evening ?

VaggieMight · 23/09/2020 22:04

The people saying it's weird he plays with your 4 year old are the weird ones. I'm assuming you're there too and he's just being nice. People seem to be assuming he plays out alone with your child Confused

He might be interested in you OP. I don't think there's anything wrong with the age gap. And there's nothing wrong with thinking about compatibility before going on a date with someone. It's odd that it's not moved onto dates yet if you're messaging daily though.

Iloveme30 · 23/09/2020 22:08

Oh for god sake 🙄 . Some replies 🤮
No issue with ye having a chat and him being friendly with your daughter it's cute and he's being sweet to make the effort
Him being 30 wouldn't be a problem for me it's only 7 years although men are less mature than us generally so I prefer them older than me in my head it balances it out 😂
Has he asked ya out yet ?

category12 · 23/09/2020 22:24

The people saying it's weird he plays with your 4 year old are the weird ones. I'm assuming you're there too and he's just being nice. People seem to be assuming he plays out alone with your child

That's because of the way OP put it in her first post. People can hardly be blamed for reading it the way she described it. Hmm And it's as well to be wary when your child is of interest.

maisythehorse · 23/09/2020 23:40

You're thinking too far ahead, you haven't had a date let alone a relationship or discussing children, some men are around for a short while some for a long term relationship, that is life, I personally don't think 37 is too old for another child but like I said it's a personal choice, he might fall in love with you and take on your daughter like his own who knows but first you need to date him. Drop some hints to meet for a drink just you and him.

Plentyofshit · 24/09/2020 06:34

I’m 5 years older than my partner, in my 30’s when I met him, tried for children in my late thirties and I had fertility problems. We now have 2 children. I’ve been through expensive IVF, and for child no.2 - egg donation. It’s been a rollercoaster, and we’ve been very lucky. We put having children before getting married etc, but we were with each other - from very early on in the relationship - that we’d need to be quicker and put a time frame on things. So having been through it, I’d say yes - but be very open with what you both want.

Longsight2019 · 24/09/2020 06:59

Struth at the suggestions you’ve got a 30 year old paedo on your doorstep playing with your daughter that you are planning on marrying.

If he’s a respectable, well rounded and presumably solvent guy then you just need to get to know him better.

Go for it. 30’s a good age.

GettingChilly · 24/09/2020 07:23

Tell him in one of the messages that messaging is fine but a proper conversation would be good and does he fancy going out for a coffee/beer.

A few water pistol fights and text messages won't get you any further if that's what you want

Original poster
ShouldI83 · 24/09/2020 07:34

It’s difficult with a child, I’m on my own unless I go to work. Perhaps I am over thinking.

OP posts:
category12 · 24/09/2020 07:57

Look, the figures are something like 1 in 20 for childhood sexual abuse, so acting like it's an extraordinary and absurd suggestion that someone showing interest in a child could be less than trustworthy is odd to me. You don't need to run round screaming paedo, but caution is sensible. Chances are he's a perfectly nice bloke, but..

Original poster
ShouldI83 · 24/09/2020 08:24

I’m a fantastic mum and not an idiot, my daughter is my life. I was asking about the age difference. I never said I leave my daughter alone or that he showed interest in her. He was sweet and made an effort to be silly and respond when she chased or got people set with a water pistol. It just so happened that he has young nieces so had himself a water pistol.

Personally I feel it’s a bit rude to assume that I’m a terrible mum handing over her child to strange men.

OP posts:
RomeoLikedCapuletGirls · 24/09/2020 08:32

OP ignore the stupid comments. People love to twist things, pick holes and to miss the bloody point!

I think if he’s messaging you a lot and he knows how old you are, you have a chance. It’s nice that he takes time to be kind towards your daughter.

Angelina82 · 24/09/2020 08:44

Nothing wrong with the age gap, but it does sound like you’re pretty lonely and so might be jumping the gun a bit. What sort of text messages is he sending you OP?

Original poster
ShouldI83 · 24/09/2020 08:54

Oh believe me I don’t need a man. I’ve been through shit with my last one, had counselling, it’s been a couple of years now.

OP posts:
Original poster
ShouldI83 · 24/09/2020 08:55

I have only had 2 serious partners so a bit out of the game!

OP posts:
CucumberFacePot · 24/09/2020 08:56

There would be absolutely nothing wrong with starting a relationship, just be honest about how you feel about having more children from the start.

I'm 38 and my partner is 26. It's not the age, it's the person. I never imagined I'd be with something 12 years younger than me but I adore him and he makes me so happy. I'm so glad I kept an open mind and didn't rule out the relationship based on age alone.