My parents hate my husband not sure what to do

[CAOIMHEBEHL]

I have been married for 3 years and have a 8 week baby. I've also been aware that there has been tension between by Dad and OH but recently this has got worse. Recently we were visiting my parents my OH was a bit rude and dismissive to my Dad and I snapped and told him to F off and stormed out of the room. What happened next I am not sure of .. my dad said my OH was very agressive and subsequently told him to get out and make his own way to the airport. ( They live in rural Ireland and he had to walk 7 miles there).
I was obviously v upset but I thought it could be resolved. What happened next really shocked me... My mum and dad both started saying how much they hated my OH. The list seemed endless and went on for two days. Some of the things were v hurtful like saying he has small man syndrome and is stingy. They also had issue with him saying he wanted our baby to go to school in a diverse area ( which I agree with)and his objection to the word P( he is from an Indian background). My Mum started saying he will stop them from seeing the baby as that is what people like him do.
I feel so shocked and confused by this and not sure what I should do.
My OH sent a message and tried to phone my folks to apologise but they are not willing to consider this and won't let him back in the house.

You let him walk to the airport?

Just a side thought: Your husband can teach your child about his beliefs as it grows, and vice versa - but i don't think he shouldn't be asking you to skip christening the child. If his faith had a similar blessing, I wonder if he would compromise?

Also, you can actually christen your child yourself (see google) if you want to avoid a big church do. Might make you both feel more comfortable.

• 'compromise'

They are racist but he also sounds a bit of a twat.

Tbh you and your parents all sound racist and not very caring. I feel sorry for your husband in this situation, but given the way your posts are going, I suspect he would not be kind to you if the situation were to be reversed.

Seems like your parents just aren’t happy that your OH is not from Ireland. Let’s face it, there’s many an Irish parent would feel this way, and they all need to cop on.

Sounds to me like your Dad has been needling your DH for a long time and whatever he said to your DH was just the last straw and he snapped. Add in sleep deprivation, new baby, stress of being in your parents’ house etc.

I’d probably be spending a bit less time with them tbh.

No one comes out of this very well. Your DH swore at your dad, you told your DH to fuck off, your parents have racist views, you let your DH walk 7 miles to the airport. . .

Do you think that the tensions between your parents and your DH are rooted in their racism? I absolutely wouldn't put up with that if I were you. And if it has been simmering below the surface for years, I wonder whether your DH's reaction was really about that rather than actually being a response to your dad's advice.

my dad said my OH was very aggressive and subsequently told him to get out and make his own way to the airport. ( They live in rural Ireland and he had to walk 7 miles there)

Your parents sound racist and trust me, even if you don't say the words out loud the message comes across loud and clear.
You allowed your parents to chat shit about him, treat him appallingly and throw him out like a stray dog - yet you were angry at your DH for 'being rude' to your dad?!!
Like your DH isn't human and isn't allowed to have one moment of expressing how he feels in response to your parents goading.

Sorry, but you seam to be condoning this racism. poor kid having to potentially put up with this. I am mixed race and I can assure you my lovely gorgeous wife has had my back 100% when others have been racist and tore a strip off them, literally. I think you need to do this with your husband. Yes he did seam a bit abrupt, but to be honest if I had been called racist names in the past by your family or had them condone it, I would be abrupt as well. Sorry to say this but you are almost as bad as your parents for trying to sweep it under the carpet and if I were your husband, I would being telling you to sling your hook and be serving you papers. Vile woman.

You haven't answered why you planned to take your baby to Ireland without discussing it with your husband.

I can not believe those who feel sorry for the OP or that the DH has acted badly.
a) How many commentators would be happy if the DH had left the country with the DC without telling the her?/ Ppl would be up in arms about it.
b) Just because the parents didn't use the P word doesnt mean they are not guilty. There attitude actions and language all point to them being racists and I am not surprised your DH feels stressed arounf them.
The OP is not piggy in the middle here as some may think, she has already chosen sides and that is with her racist and controlling parents.
If I was your DH I would be appalled and distraught by your behaviour. You are supposed to be a family and you don't even have his back on this. Actually you should be standing infront of him and tearing a strip of your parents.

@Bunnymumy

If my husband told my father to fuck off like that, he would no longer be my husband. If my father made derogatory comments about my husbands race, I'd have sod all to do with him anymore either.
I think youd do well to reconsider everyone in your life. As pp says, it sounds like you've swapped on toxic family, for another. And it's making you into a stress, sweary mess too. You have a daughter, think about the role models you want for her. And get shot of anyone who doesnt meet decent standards for that.

so the DH swears and he is awaful but the OP swears (at him) and this is down to the stress she is under?
Your advice would be bettewr suited for the DH.

Haha yes well I was trying to be polite to the poster pp. But also, swearing at your partner is marginally more acceptable that swearing their family who's home you are a guest in.