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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

OH hasn't text me at all on holiday.

70 replies

Yellowxo · 20/09/2020 19:12

OH told me last week he wanted to go on holiday with his friend( who is mid 20s and childless) he gave me 4 days notice he said he needed a change of scenery and a break. When I asked him to book it a different time he started being really arsey.
I'm a student nurse and I have lectures we have a 7 year old DD who I had to find before and after school care for.
He's now away and been away for 2 days without as much as a text. I'm livid at his selfishness and wondering whether I want to be with a man child.

OP posts:

TheWho67 · 21/09/2020 19:09

I really hope you're not picking him up.

imfatletsparty · 21/09/2020 19:12

Good time to change the locks me thinks. He doesn't need to be cheating on you to be a selfish dickhead.

Isthisnothing · 21/09/2020 20:40

This is disgraceful. How dare he swan off and leave you to deal with the childcare at such short notice?

Immature and selfish to boot. Do you want to stay with him?

namechange20202020 · 21/09/2020 20:54

That's horrific. You know what, I'd have the locks changed when he comes home.

Original poster

Yellowxo · 21/09/2020 22:02

So today he not only face timed but showed me the new expensive handbag he bought me. My OH is tight and definitely not generous I think a guilty conscience comes to mind.
I have far too much on to bin him immediately but when I find full time reliable before and after school care he will be gone.

OP posts:

Kona84 · 21/09/2020 22:39

Maybe he just needed to blow off steam.
I would be booking a spa day/ weekend break for myself and not telling him until the day before and leaving him like he did you.
Petty but the time to yourself might be good.
Then book one for the both of you.

Nanny0gg · 21/09/2020 22:44

So, again.

How did he pay? His own money? Family money? Can you afford it?

MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 21/09/2020 22:54

@Kona84

Maybe he just needed to blow off steam. I would be booking a spa day/ weekend break for myself and not telling him until the day before and leaving him like he did you. Petty but the time to yourself might be good. Then book one for the both of you.

Haha a spa day! Oh yes that's a GREAT idea. When he goes away for days shagging and having loads of fun women should spend a day where there is no alcohol, no men and no chance of getting into trouble.

Or she could go somewhere that isn't safe and santised?

OP the 'expensive' bag is probably a fake. Bought on the street. And I don't know where he is but I'm guessing it's a stag party hot spot. He isn't there to look at nice buildings.

Original poster

Yellowxo · 21/09/2020 23:32

We can afford it that's not the issue , he harps on about me getting a better paid job (hes a high earner) but then fucks off on holiday making it much harder for me to get a better paid job! I work bank shifts as well as studying because I like having my own money.

OP posts:

EKGEMS · 22/09/2020 00:39

I'd accept that new purse,put a brick in it and then nail him in the groin. When he crawls out of the fetal position he'd be eye to eye with divorce papers in the fore mentioned purse on the ground

Kona84 · 22/09/2020 06:55

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl it could be any type of weekend away. If she wants to go on a bender she could.

I just can’t understand how everything is a deal breaker rather than a ‘okay this upset me I need to be clear with why it upset me so it doesn’t happen again’

For all we know OP has the control in the relationship and this was the partners big leap to try and make a change in a one sided controlling relationship.
We only have one half of the story why does everything have to be ‘get rid’ ‘pack his bags’
Maybe she never lets him do anything and he felt he needed to desperately do something for himself. This might be the first selfish act in their relationship.
All I’m saying is that sometimes shit things happens and it doesn’t have to mean the end it just indicates the need for a very clear conversation where feelings, boundaries and expectations are discussed.
And I don’t mean just saying ‘I don’t like it don’t do it again’
You all pointed out that she was a mug for driving him to the airport- maybe in the 4 days leading to the holiday she was okay with it- it was only the lack of communication that upset her. Maybe he didn’t want to rub her face in it.

Kona84 · 22/09/2020 06:58

And not texting doesn’t mean he’s having an affair. I’ve been on plenty of holidays with my friends where my only communication with my partner was we landed safely - and we are on our way back. Each time I couldn’t wait to see him and tell him about the holiday.

rwalker · 22/09/2020 07:08

There's 2 issues here but the not calling texting we are like that when on holiday or working away some people are just like that.

Sound like it's run it's course anyway and it's over

Aerial2020 · 22/09/2020 07:38

Jesus, if a mother left her child with 4 days notice and didn't bother checking in on then she would be called a terrible parent.

How is it different because he's a man?
And that's not even mentioning how he's treating his partner. They are a family, you can't do what the hell you like without discussing it. What is the point of being together.

Aerial2020 · 22/09/2020 07:41

@Yellowxo

This is not a partnership. He has the control and can do what he likes knowing full well you can't. He likes that. You are kept in your place at home. He is reminding you he can do what he likes. But have a handbag. Raise your bar.

RobertaTheGreat · 22/09/2020 07:49

Has it crossed your mind he could be bisexual?

Babysharksmom · 22/09/2020 07:54

I would not tolerate this behaviour at all. It sounds like you and your daughter don't come into the equation at all.

letsmakethishappen · 22/09/2020 08:05

Get your degree then get rid of this selfish twat.

namechange20202020 · 27/09/2020 23:09

@Yellowxo maybe start getting your finances in order now because this ain't healthy sweetheart. It's not good for your stress levels especially if your working, studying and minding a child. Believe me, I'm in the same position and have become chronically ill with stress.

HollowTalk · 27/09/2020 23:13

@SVRT19674

Text that you have also decided to take up this great idea about space and that all his stuff is waiting in bin liners in the garage for him to send someone to pick it up. And how great his more space idea is and you are thankful to him for suggesting it and can´t for the life of you think why you didn´t think of it yourself!

Yes. Do this.

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