Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

OH hasn't text me at all on holiday.

70 replies

Yellowxo · 20/09/2020 19:12

OH told me last week he wanted to go on holiday with his friend( who is mid 20s and childless) he gave me 4 days notice he said he needed a change of scenery and a break. When I asked him to book it a different time he started being really arsey.
I'm a student nurse and I have lectures we have a 7 year old DD who I had to find before and after school care for.
He's now away and been away for 2 days without as much as a text. I'm livid at his selfishness and wondering whether I want to be with a man child.

OP posts:
Armychefbethebest · 20/09/2020 22:12

Sorry to say I dont think hes gone with the friend ,what are the odds hes just used that friend as you and the friend dont get on so you would never know ,sound fishy as hell op 4 days notice with family commitments all just dumped on you not teamwork at all ,I would be ditching his ass for my own sanity and to show my child this is not how a relationship works .

Original poster
Yellowxo · 20/09/2020 22:39

Part of me thinks it's a woman or he's up to no good but he had no problem with me taking him to the airport he actually wanted to wait in the car longer for friend but I didn't want to pay extra to park when I was pissed off with him.
Also he hasn't really been out during lockdown or after only once for a meal with friend and he came back at 7pm so maybe Ows been kicking off and made him go on holiday 🤔 he seemed pretty desperate to go on those dates
He's not really acted any different towards me. So I really can't be sure

OP posts:
Nanny0gg · 20/09/2020 22:50

So how has he paid for this? Can you afford it?

And I can't believe you took him to the airport! I hope you're not picking him up.

His stuff would be on the doorstep if it was up to me

catsvdogs · 20/09/2020 22:51

Disrespectful to your DD and yourself.

thefourgp · 20/09/2020 22:57

He’s going away to cheat. He doesn’t respect you. He doesn’t even see you as important enough to keep in touch with. Why don’t you think you deserve better?

Original poster
Yellowxo · 20/09/2020 23:04

The thing is I don't know, I don't have any proof he has his phone I can't get into his email account never have been able too he doesn't go on mine either.
The only thing he mentioned is was friend wanted him to print out some documents so if I could get the printer history? I'm at a loss.

OP posts:
MarriedtoDaveGrohl · 20/09/2020 23:07

Of course he doesn't care about the airport - it's not his hotel is it? But he will say nothing till he gets back and you'll never be able to prove it and then that's that. He went away and fucked someone else for 4 days snd nothing happened.

It's just so blatant. And arrogant. He wants what he wants and that's all that matters in his head.

thefourgp · 20/09/2020 23:11

You don’t need proof. My ex has denied and denied that he cheated on me but I didn’t believe him and ended our relationship anyway. I didn’t have any proof but I found out months later I had been right. He had been cheating. Trust your instincts. Plus, no one on this thread is defending his behaviour because it’s indefensible.

Voice0fReason · 20/09/2020 23:17

I definitely wouldn't be picking him up!
Selfish twat.
It's not the kind of relationship I would want to be in.
Doesn't sound like he wants to be in a relationship either.

theanswerisnoo · 20/09/2020 23:20

Dealbreaker. He has no respect for you and clearly doesn't give a damn about his child. You can do better.

theanswerisnoo · 20/09/2020 23:21

Also no one goes on holiday not knowing where they are staying. He is a liar.

Honeyroar · 20/09/2020 23:23

I wouldn’t care whether he was cheating or not. He hasn’t got any respect for you anyway. He gives you a handful of days notice that he is going away at a time when he knows you’ll struggle to find childcare for your joint daughter. Then he won’t tell you where he’s going! Plus he’s been generally crap as a partner anyway. It would be the end for me. He’s not a good catch. Throw him back!

Levatrice · 20/09/2020 23:25

R.e the printer ; maybe the documents are still in the download file? Or recycle bin? Assuming it’s a computer or laptop not fancy printing from iPad etc

Original poster
Yellowxo · 20/09/2020 23:34

I just want to get proof of where he is and who ive googled his friend and there's a pic of the friend abroad his Instagram is set to private I was so close!

OP posts:
JustFrustrated · 20/09/2020 23:40

Needing proof will keep you in this crap relationship far longer than you should stay. You should have left a long time ago.

Just leave him. You don't need proof.

ColleagueFromMars · 20/09/2020 23:43

Assuming you might never get proof of him cheating, let's look at what you do know. He's prepared to drop you and his kid with minimum notice and he won't even tell you where he is or keep in contact with you. He argued with you until he got his own way when you objected. Those things alone would be plenty enough for me to have his belongings in a bin bag on the doorstep when he was due home.

AgentJohnson · 20/09/2020 23:57

he had no problem with me taking him to the airport he actually wanted to wait in the car longer for friend but I didn't want to pay extra to park when I was pissed off with him.

WTAF! You took him to the airport. Please explain that epic act or dormatattery?

GarlicSoup · 21/09/2020 00:03

Is he having an affair with his friend?

willowmelangell · 21/09/2020 00:25

Send him a picture of his bags packed by the back door.
What an utter arse.

usernamewastaken · 21/09/2020 05:55

You're not at a loss. You're at a gain; you can gain some self respect. You don't trust him and that's enough to end this 'relationship'.

Original poster
Yellowxo · 21/09/2020 08:45

So after texting saying DD wanted to know how his holiday was he sent me lots of pictures with him and friend eating sightseeing. Still a shitty thing to do not text while he away suppose he likes pretending he's not a father for a few days Angry

OP posts:
usernamewastaken · 21/09/2020 09:07

Do you want this treatment in a relationship? By allowing this, with no consequences except a few cross words from you, you're giving him the green light to continue.

SVRT19674 · 21/09/2020 10:43

Text that you have also decided to take up this great idea about space and that all his stuff is waiting in bin liners in the garage for him to send someone to pick it up. And how great his more space idea is and you are thankful to him for suggesting it and can´t for the life of you think why you didn´t think of it yourself!

Honeyroar · 21/09/2020 12:49

Everything he does sounds shitty. Do you feel relieved that he’s with his friend? You sound it. I’d still be livid.Your poor kids having a dad like that. Most decent dads would want to take their family on holiday.

Flittingaboutagain · 21/09/2020 18:04

My instinct here is that friend is a cover and OW is there too. But even if it is innocent and he is with this friend in the photos and no OW is there....there is something wrong here because he wasn't interested in your family life, dropped it on your with little notice and generally wants to pretend to be single.