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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He's calling me a narcissist but it's him,he's twisting everything.

57 replies

idontthinkicare · 20/09/2020 11:34

My ex and I split.
Through the whole year we were together he messed with my head.
He would show me texts off girls who fancied him and told me not to get jealous..then if I reacted he would say I was "behaving crazy"
He has blew hot and cold with me and blamed it on my "behaviour"
When we weren't "official" but I thought we were ..he took other girls out and told me he slept with them.
He would tell me he didn't want to see me again because of my behaviour,then if I text him he would say I'm "harassing" him.
I've just lost my mum and he's twisted everything.
He said my behaviour has been out of control,I think I own him and I don't.
He said he is sick of my behaviour if he talks to other girls (one screenshot was a girl saying she wanted to fuck him)
He's made me feel like I'm not good enough but twisted it that he hasn't done anything wrong and I'm crazy.
I'm not crazy,he would do things to get a reaction,I would react and he would say "there you go ,going off it again "
He's just sent me a long message saying the only message he wants off me is an apology for my behaviour (I've apologised before even tho i wasn't wrong ) he said he's embarrassed by me and I'm obsessed with him (I'm not I just loved him) he said he wants nothing to do with me and I'm the reason for that.
He said I have a narcissistic personality and I have caused this.

OP posts:
johnd2 · 20/09/2020 12:14

Agree with all the above messages apart from this part from @Elieza
"Let those other stupid burds do whatever they want with him."
That comment was completely unnecessary and wrong and unhelpful, the other girls were also being used by him, the only confirmed abuser is your ex,op and keep it that way (ex, that is)

LadyH846 · 20/09/2020 12:14

You need to go no contact with him. None of what he says will ever make sense, there's no sense to be made out of it if you try to analyse it.

I recommend Melanie Tonia Evans' Narcissistic abuse recovery website

www.melanietoniaevans.com

lots of good resources on it for going no contact

Heptember · 20/09/2020 12:15

@idontthinkicare You lost your mum so very recently. Would she want you to be tying yourself up in knots thinking about this dickheads behaviour ('she's got bigger boobs than you etc') at this time?

LadyH846 · 20/09/2020 12:16

@LadyH846

You need to go no contact with him. None of what he says will ever make sense, there's no sense to be made out of it if you try to analyse it.

I recommend Melanie Tonia Evans' Narcissistic abuse recovery website

www.melanietoniaevans.com

lots of good resources on it for going no contact

And yes, narcissists will turn it around on you and make out you're the problem.
Indoorcamping · 20/09/2020 12:17

I'd send him one message saying to fuck off and never contact you again. After that block everywhere you can think of and get on with your life.

Sorry about your mum OP, take care Flowers

VettiyaIruken · 20/09/2020 12:18

What do you enjoy about being treated like shit?

I'm hoping the answer is " bloody nothing, are you taking the piss?"

Block him. Stop trying to analyse and understand him.

Why does he do 1, why does he do 2, why does he do 3...

1 - because he's an abusive twat.
2- because he's an abusive twat.
3- because he's an abusive twat

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/09/2020 12:21

When we first met he said to me girls he messes with all go crazy

Massive flapping red flag there OP. Why would you even engage someone who treats women with contempt and disrespect, and more importantly why have you not removed this lodged up skank from your life?

gottastopeatingchocolate · 20/09/2020 12:22

I understand, OP.

As PP have said, this is narcissistic abuse. You will tie yourself in knots trying to make sense of it, trying to glean "truth" in what he is saying, trying to rationalise why he would be that way, and maybe even trying to "fix it".

Don't send anything reactive. Just ignore. Block, if you have nothing that needs to connect you (like kids, joint finances). DO NOT ENGAGE.

Get some help to rebuild your sense of you.

CrazyToast · 20/09/2020 12:23

Who knows what he thinks and really it doesn't matter. He is obviously a nob and not a good person so his views are irrelevant. You KNOW what happened, you KNOW he wound you up on purpose to belittle you and get power. Time to block and move on. God I can't stand guys like this.

Closetbeanmuncher · 20/09/2020 12:24

When you tell a man to fuck off you do not need his agreement and permission to flounce off and leave him flapping around like an wet fish

Love this 😂🐟🐟

Rainagain72 · 20/09/2020 12:26

It’s triangulation (what he’s doing) and a classic narc’ trait.
I’m so sorry to hear about your Mum OP.

JorisBonson · 20/09/2020 12:30

You're back!

It's a pbp who has been posting the same problem for months and ignoring the excellent advice.

VettiyaIruken · 20/09/2020 12:32

@JorisBonson

You're back!

It's a pbp who has been posting the same problem for months and ignoring the excellent advice.

Really? That's so sad. Who wants to live that life? Actively chooses it! Poor sod. She should get therapy.

(Assuming it's not pbp as in bullshitter)

funnylittlefloozie · 20/09/2020 13:15

Im so sorry about your mum. You must be feeling very low right now.

Dont waste any more headspace on your sad little ex. Hes a pathetic little man with a lot of problems... dont waste your precious life brooding over him. Yes there are probably lots of reasons why he behaves like he does but really, does it matter? You've got enough on your plate. Read a book about personality disorders if it will make you feel a bit more informed (its quite a fascinating / disturbing subject).

tornadoalley · 20/09/2020 13:21

Regardless of whether anyone is a narcissist or not, a bf who regularly flirts with other girls and rubs your nose it it, is not a nice person, and needs deleting from your life for the sake your sanity.

ivehadenough11 · 20/09/2020 13:23

My gosh.. following with interest (I'm in a similar situation OP..)

I do hope you find the courage to block.

Elieza · 20/09/2020 13:41

Sorry about the loss of your mum OP.

Perhaps this is why you’re feeling lonely and down and just want him to be there for you at this sad time. That could be why you are trying to get to the bottom of why he was nasty, in the vain hope that it somehow doesn’t mean anything bad and you can therefore go back with him. That if you understood his needs better you could be together again.

That would not work. The same thing would happen again. He’s horrible. He’s a user. You’ve done well staying away for so long. Don’t give in now. You can do this. You are stronger than you think.

He will not be there for you.
He does not love you

I’m sorry but you need to look to other friends or family members or counselling services for help and support at this sad time. They will be there for you. He won’t.

Don’t let him destroy you. Your mum would have wanted the best for you. Not him. Block today. And that’s it over.

Phone a friend or a helpline instead. They will be if more assistance than he would.

He’s playing games. He will always play games. He’s pathetic. You’re not. You’re better. Now block him.

MoonDelay · 20/09/2020 13:56

Any messages apologising will be ammunition to show his next victim of how "poorly" he has been treated.

He's a prick, probably always has been a prick and will continue to be a prick.

Waste no more time on this loser, he has very serious issues that begin and end with himself. He sounds dillusional. Don't let him mess with your head anymore, he won't ever admit he's wrong, even if by some miracle he did, it won't be something you can prove and more than likely it will be "your fault" according to him.

Immature fuck face. Block him!

Original poster
idontthinkicare · 20/09/2020 14:25

I've blocked him (for good ) and removed him off social media.
He said to me he has no friends either just associates.
He said he doesn't form bonds with people and I'm no different.

OP posts:
Original poster
idontthinkicare · 20/09/2020 14:34

@Elieza I don't think he liked me telling him I had no feelings left for him.
I told him I've seen his true colours and it wasn't pleasant
I don't think he likes being told that

OP posts:
workhomesleeprepeat · 20/09/2020 14:36

Just reading your update - well done to you for blocking him! And I’m so sorry for the loss of your mum. Look after yourself now - pour any love and care that you had for him into yourself. You deserve to be loved fully.

These types always try to get you to come crawling back so watch out! Narcs can’t stand not having the attention. But I think you can be strong. Wishing you the best And so sorry again about your mum Flowers

HumptyD · 20/09/2020 14:37

He’s a prick. Don’t ever unblock him. Your mum has just died which I’m so sorry for, but spend your time grieving and making sure
Your okay over that, rather than worrying what a useless dickhead thinks of you! He’s a scum, block, delete, bye! Its that easy, And thank your lucky stars you saw the real him so soon and haven’t got kids or married him! All the best

MashedSweetSpud · 20/09/2020 14:38

@JorisBonson

You're back!

It's a pbp who has been posting the same problem for months and ignoring the excellent advice.

This.

Op I hope you really have blocked him. People have been telling you for a year to get rid.

Don’t date for a while.
Read up online and get yourself in a good way.
Grieve for your mum and don’t even think about that idiot.

Catsarelush · 20/09/2020 14:49

I recognise you too and can’t understand why you or he haven’t called it a day and how this can still be going on.

Original poster
idontthinkicare · 20/09/2020 15:01

@Catsarelush it's over now 100%

OP posts:
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