Keeping the house? Financial advice.

[Jazzy87]

I need some very basic help to start to get my head around this before I see a solicitor next week.

In short, husband left me and 2 kids a month ago. Living out of a bag at his mum's, already on tinder etc so definitely no going back from here.
I am fortunate that with a good nursing career I can afford all of our outgoings on my own. He is only working part time and heavily relied on me financially. There's no way he could afford out house/bills even if he was working full time. He may be able to afford a small flat once he's working full time.
He has started talking about me "buying him out" of the house. I was under the impression that as we have small children- youngest is 3. He can't actually make me do anything? I don't see why we should sell the house when I can afford it on my own?
I appreciate he shouldn't walk away with nothing but if I wanted to release some equity to give him say 10k (I've always paid the mortgage, we'd have lost the house years ago if I relied on his contribution) how would I go about that? Would I need to remortgage? What if I wasn't accepted on my own?
Has anyone been through this and have some advice?

Thank you 😊

Absolutely do not give him a sum like that without the guidance of a solicitor, unless it's money you are happy to give him on top of any settlement.

The minute he gets legal advice, they'll tell him that's not binding and at best you'll end up being able to offset it against what he ultimately gets.

The reason I keep saying get a free consultation is I'm certain you'll end up in no doubt over two things:

1. Anything significant you give him now needs to be done with the advice of a solicitor

2. He cannot expect an immediate settlement.

Thank you everyone for your support. It's completely opened my eyes to where I stand now. If I'd known the financial implications I never would have got married in the first place! X

I’m in a very similar situation, Jazzy. Have the decree nisi, but waiting to complete with the financial order, 3 years down the line.

Same story as yours: I was main earner throughout relationship, and did 90% of everything else. (Bless! His motto is ‘money doesn’t make you happy, you know.’ Didn’t stop him helping me spend mine though. 🙄🙄🙄).

My STBXH was going to ‘get financial advice’, despite earning a pittance. That was 7 months ago...

If it’s any consolation, I’ve come to realise that I’d be in exactly the same position if we’d never married and just cohabited. So don’t beat yourself up about it.

People change, but not always for the better. Sometimes we believe so much in the sunk cost fallacy that we don’t walk away as soon as we should. Pat yourself on the back for having been so strong and done so much. Get ready for a feeling of freedom and power over your own life now the millstone round your neck has gone. Xxx

Get the £10k signed up,legally, quickly.
As soon as he gets legal advice, you’d potentially be liable for a whole lot more, esp. if an NHS pension. Plus the solicitors fees will quickly mount.

Just been there recently. I was so pissed off with STBX that I started the full legal process, not realising the implications for me. I was lucky, he agreed to go back to original agreement between us. But your ex might not be so reasonable.

See a solicitor- they are the only people who should be advising you

Yes changing house deeds is another cost. It might be different where you are but in Scotland we started with the settlement agreement, that detailed all of the split financials and parental agreement. Signed by both parties with solicitors. Once signed it's then just a job of acting on it.
Get a solicitor, it's not cheap but it was worth it for me.