feeling very very alone and worthless...beware it is a long very sad story but i'd appreciate advice

[allib]

short version....together 7 years...after 5 got married...1 1/2 later found out dh having affair (let's just say v obviously)....tried to make it work...6 mnths later I called quits (he couldn't even delete her number, never mind stop the relationship...still had to stay in same house as dh but moved away May this year...things still sh**...now dh g'f is pregnant....feeling awful/worthless/life can't go on etc etc etc

Okay, it is alright to feel bad and down on your luck but I can match all that and then some. Point is, are you going to let it all keep you down?The world is full of wankers so you have no real choice other than to hold your head high and ignore them all.

You do need CBT or REBT in my opinion - your self esteem doesn't even reach my knees. It's not your fault but nobody else is going to sort it except you.

Reprt back here tomorrow when you've called the GP

thanks guys

thank you for listening

hugs and best wishes to all

xxxx

make sure you let us know what progress you have made, remember we will be here for you regardless x x x x x x please take the step to shut him out of your life x

alli, not sure what to say...i bet you are gourgeous in real life. your hubby sounds like a total tosser. sorry. and dont know what he's missing? and ur never too old. I have 2 dc and single mum for 7 years. i KNOW im still atractive...and i bet you are too.

Keep up the hard work sweetie. he may see his loss but dont bring him back, you are too good for all that, mc or not. men just dont know how good they got it until its gone.,..but their loss!
Muchly lovely x x xPurps x x x

allib - Where abouts do you live? I am on my own now (except for the dc's) but if you are near I would be happy to meet up for chats

Hey Allib - do you think your DH couldn't cope with your confidence when you lost all your weight? Well done at doing that btw. It's incredibly tough. You obviously have willpower.

I had a similar nasty when my appendix ruptured. It's horrible isn't it?

arfishy - Am not too good, have just posted on my thread. Just reading active convos to see if I can be of any help to anybody else.

I'll head over to your thread.

b allib

Can I just second, third and fourth everyone who has said call the doctor? Please go and see the doctor. AD's aren't a cure but they will help you to start feeling better and then things will start to improve. Honestly, our brains shut down and don't function properly when we are depressed.

I very much relate to how you are feeling and it is so, so hard, because o ur feelings don't just shut down.

You don't need me to tell you your XH is a tosser because in your heart you already know it.

Also, you had a lucky escape. You didn't get pregnant by this man. You may not feel it now (and who could blame you, not me) but his new GF deserves pity. In a few years he will be doing the same to her and therre will be a child involved.

Although it doesn't feel like it..life will start to get better from now on x

I can only add to what others have said. Go to the doctor and see what help he/she can give you. I didn't realsie how low I was a few years ago until I did and the doctor put me on ADs when they kicked in after about 10 days I could actually feel the fog lifting. Your life over that past few years has drained all the reserves of seratonin(I think that's what its called) from your body and you need to put it back to see clearly again, which is what ADs do. As others have said what a tosspot he is! If he really loved you he wouldn't have put you through hell like he has - he is just scared to let go of you in case the grass isn't greeer in his new field.

allib, you are not alone, your story is v similar to mine.
my dh and i split in april, i changed my mind and wanted him back in July, he said no because he met someone else. And now they are having a baby.

i have never been so miserable in my entire life, i am 28btw. am on anti-depressants, sleeping pills and am on waiting list for conselling.
Dont know what else to do, but think the ADs are helping me feel better.
just wanted you to know youre not alone in your situation.
i dread the day the baby is born, i think i may do something stupid. And the pain is just unbearable.

counselling

allib, i wasted my 20's on a plonker too. after 6yrs of marriage, split up, then spent 6mths doing temp work and boarded with an old friend at her aunts while I got my head around everything. then due keeping in touch with old manager, had an opportunity to move countries. felt happy that i could rely on myself so did, and have not looked back. remarried at 32, first babe at 34. (the xH asked me to consider getting back together 2 yrs after we split, first i'd heard from him in all that time. needless to say i filed the divorce papers. then he married his pregnant g/f! twit!)

i think it's the initial months of separation where you just have to get through the day, go to work, go home, cry every day if you want to, it's ok. (had to have a cry in the bathroom at work several times) don't make big plans yet, just sort everything through in your head. like i said it took me about 6mths until i thought right i can rely on myself, i'm single, i can do anything, go anywhere, what do I WANT and then do it.

How are you today, AlliB? Have you made an appointment to see the Doctor yet? Take care. CB XX

Thank you all so very much for all the help. Couldn't get GP appointment today but later this week. think I am still in shock. Feel sick all the time and weak arms and legs. Am trying desperately to be a bit more positive. Thanks for all the success stories and the you aren't alone stories. I think we all help each other in those ways.

I have already thought of moving abroad. I live in a very rural place so when they move here, i might as well be next door. i don't want my life to be about them anymore.

I have to meet up with him tomorrow to discuss his house. oh great.

thanks guys. really. please do all keep in touch, you were all there on my very very darkest blackest day (not that I'm much better today mind you, but every little bit counts i guess)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

allgone....don't do anything daft. they are not worth it. and thats coming from someone who knows. it just continues to make it about them, when you should be about you now.

i would say from the kindness i've seen you are in the right place to get some support

xxx

They're twats, we're not. Believe me and

so how are you feeling now alli x x x

ok it's a long while since I updated.
Thank you all so very much for support and stopping me feeling alone.
I've moved out of his house (2 months now) and have got a place of my own (and finally back online!)

Have good days and bad days.

Positive days are good. Feeling like I could do anything and it's good that it's just me on my own now.

Sad days that seems to be the saddest thing. I AM on my own now.

Still - obviously - hurts tremendously and it occasionally all comes flooding back in a big wave and I break down again.

But at least things are starting to hopefully get better.

Thank you all

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

PS all circumstances - as far as I know - still exactly the same with dh.

but have VERY minimal contact (txt!) with him now and haven't seen him since I moved.

proper separation now

allib so glad to here things are getting better even though you are still having these bad days i think this is very very normal as its still is early days really.

Well i was also with my xp for 7 years met him when i was 14 now im 21 we didnt get round to getting married but we was engaged for 4 years.

We have one DD 3 and im nearly 6 months pregnant (both my xps)!

3 weeks ago i found texts on his phone after getting the block off it, off a girl at his work who is only 17 hes 26 saying things like "if you didnt have a daughter and one on the way i know we could be together" also ones saying she loves him etc etc

I begged him to stay he didn`t want to and walked away and has never looked back!! i know now this was the right thing for me as he is with her now and always puts her first never DD.

When he was here he was the best dad in the world but when he walked out he changed completly.

Im so sorry to here about your m/c i also had one last november my xp wasnt to bothered about this, and showed no love or support to me when it happend.

I just want you to know your not alone alough my situation isn`t the same.

I do hope you have a very lovely xmas and the best new year ever, im sure theres someone out there for us, these exs arn`t worth our time, we will get through this x x x

thank you

this place is so great for realising you aren't the only one going through things...it is much simpler for me since we didn't have any children. but simple doesn't stop the whole thing hurting.

you are very strong and also very positive realising that this IS the best thing in the long term

best wishes to you for a fab festive time too

xxxxx