A joke...

[Pinnn]

So we just had a bbq with our friends.. They have a dog and my friend was saying that the dog got upset with him and decided to pee on their bed. My husband response was "yes, so and so he used my name does it too, when she is upset she gets on a bed and pees on it". I guess it was meant as a joke.. I didn't respond, our friend ignored it too, to which my husband said with a smile "you are not listening to me are you?".

I don't want to provide any background but is that OK? I am feeling upset, degraded and embarassed but I won't bring it up as I will hear i am over reacting and can't take a joke. What are your thoughts?

Well it was obviously just a joke.

What a dick. Sorry.

Just stupid

It was just a joke.

It's a shit joke, unless it's part of a bigger problem, don't dwell on it and move on.

So what did you do at the time? When he said it. What did you do?

That’s the critical part and it’s missing, or are yoy saying you said nothing? And still haven’t?

Because I simply don’t understand folks who hide their feelings and say nothing to their spouses. For me there needs to be something deeply wrong if you can’t take them aside, or do it in front of everyone, and tell them straight. As in “ fucking weirdo that wasn’t even funny” or “ at least I don’t shit the bed mate, eh?”

hmm, a joke, but he pushed it because no-one reacted.

Not a funny joke, I can see this two ways.

1. he misjudged it, not funny, leave it move on, no problem
2. He makes a habit out of little humiliating digs disguised as 'jokes' and then says you have no sense of humour when you say it isn't funny = emotional control red flag

Bad joke

What an idiot. I would be telling him that if he wants to make a fool out of himself with his stupid jokes, fine, but he had better leave me out of them.

A shit joke, designed to embarrass you

Yes it's sounds like a joke that in itself could be harmless banter but as you have asked for advice on it appears to have been quite hurtful to you. Is it one of many putdowns from your partner? A constant stream of jokes at your expense can be indicative of a lack of respect towards you and a need to put you in your 'place'.

I must have awful friends with poor senses of humour because it's exactly the sort of thing one of us would say in reply to the dog pissing comment. Unless there's a massive back story I would just take it as a joke.

@RoundTheTwister

I must have awful friends with poor senses of humour because it's exactly the sort of thing one of us would say in reply to the dog pissing comment. Unless there's a massive back story I would just take it as a joke.

yes, it could be just this. If you and they find it funny, great, no problem.

But there could also be that element of constant put downs, not shared jokes, which is somethign else

Thanks for all your responses.

Yes I think it is part of a bigger problem and he tends to have those "jokes" or "comments" when we are around other people. Maybe that's why I am more sensitive to it.

BTW our relationship is not great and I feel is heading towards the end. I just wanted to see if I was too sensitive to this particular "joke" but I can see it is rather 50/50 - some people would take it as a joke, some would not.

*Bluntness, yes I did nothing and I know it is rather sad. I have no energy to fight or discuss it..

Unless you have issues with incontinence then it was just a just and I think you are being over sensitive.
That being said, when there are problems within the relationships it is understandable you don't find jokes at your expense funny.

To me it sounds like it was just a joke. My dogs, friends and I all slag each other.
If it was something that might possibly be true then that might be something to feel off or embarrassed about but I don't think anyone is ever going to think you actually pee on the bed when you are upset.

Your feelings are your feeling though, talk to your dh about it.

Not funny AT all and your husband knows it. He has basically equated you with an animal. An animal whose only response is to urinate on the bed. Therefore, he sees you as beneath him, he sees himself as your Master, and that when you are upset your only resource is to urinate where you shouldn't. The link was from an upset dog to you being upset. LTB.

It was a joke as it was so obviously far-fetched! I would laugh, it wouldn't cross my mind to feel offended over that!

I wouldn’t find that funny.

Thanks for your responses everyone.

Bluntness, yes I did nothing and I know it is rather sad. I have no energy to fight or discuss it

Then it’s time to end it, if the relationship has deteriorated to such an extent he will make jokes at your expense and you sit there feeling humiliated and degraded and don’t say anything then it’s time to go.

My husband will make jokes at my expense. He thinks he’s being funny. But he knows what’s coming back at him every single time. And depending on my mood it’s going to be an equally “funny” put down, or a very publicly embarrassing “ wtaf is wrong with you, why would you say something like that, Just fuck off” kind of thing, it never ever ends well for him.

There is never a time where it’s not equal and it’s not dealt with.

To be fair though, you’d think he’d learn.

Does he know that jokes are meant to be funny?
I would have been embarrassed for him rather than by him.

If
You do have an issue with incontinence
And/or
He does this regularly
Then
This is nasty and I'd be seriously reconsidering the relationship

Maybe I am over sensitive too, I would never find it funny being compared to a dog.

I wouldn't find it funny but I wouldn't really consider it to be a massive problem either.

But it all depends on your overall relationship and the background you have as a couple, I guess.