A joke...

[Pinnn]

So we just had a bbq with our friends.. They have a dog and my friend was saying that the dog got upset with him and decided to pee on their bed. My husband response was "yes, so and so he used my name does it too, when she is upset she gets on a bed and pees on it". I guess it was meant as a joke.. I didn't respond, our friend ignored it too, to which my husband said with a smile "you are not listening to me are you?".

I don't want to provide any background but is that OK? I am feeling upset, degraded and embarassed but I won't bring it up as I will hear i am over reacting and can't take a joke. What are your thoughts?

My ex used to do this too. It wasn't a coincidence. He was working hard at putting me down.

Are these friends your friends or your husband's friends? I would feel worse if this was in front of his friends. At least they didn't respond with laughter or comments so they were not co-conspirators with him.

The basic premise of a joke is that it should be funny or that’s what I thought anyway. I hate it when people say ‘I’m only joking’ but it is actually at the other person’s expense and is really meant as a sly dig.
Trust your instincts, this seems to be the final nail in some ways . Weigh up what’s good and bad about the relationship and if you are unhappy move on.

I think it depends who said it, if my DH said something like that then I'd take it as a joke. But I have an ex who used to enjoy putting me down as a "joke" in front of other people and it would upset me because it was just another way for him to try and knock my self esteem.

It was a 'joke' but also a weird thing to say; comparing you to a dog and saying you do something gross.

Youur friend clearly thought it was weird, too.

How is it a joke? He likened the op to a dog. And then humiliated her.
OP your friend ignored it because she knows it was wrong as well.
I wouldn't want to be with someone who treats me this way.

It looks like even your friends were embarrassed.

It's done to put you down or create a reaction.

He does not love you.

Surely the correct response is something along the lines of "I'm just marking my territory to protect it from blanket stealers, dickface"

It's just drunk bullshit-banter. Bat it back at him and move on

Not a joke. Not funny. Time to put your big girl pants on and put a stop to this, but you know that dong you?

I think it's absolutely vile. My exh was bad enough socially but not even he would have compared me to a dog pissing on the bed...!

Deeply unfunny

A shit joke that wasn’t funny he made his friends feel uncomfortable hence why they ignored it and he embarrassed himself

Op personal
Question because tot said you didn't want to go in to any back round but have you wet the bed previously? I have when I have been really drunk 😬 not good to admit but if he said that if I didn't have any issues I would just look
At him and think what a dick lol
But if I did wet the bed and he said it I would feel as you are now x

It was an unfunny joke. Some people would find it hilarious but most not. He was being a twat

I'd have laughed and say 'he's only trying to cover up the fact that he peed on his slippers the other night when he thought he'd gone in the bathroom'

He's calling you a bitch.
Address him very clearly and directly when you tell him that it is not okay.
What you do next is your choice but believe what he is (subconsciously?) saying about his attitude towards you.

In isolation, and probably as a dog owner, I find it quite funny. I'd probably give back some retort. But as he does it a lot, and it only in front of others, I'd say he's not socially confident and has chosen the bad tactic of trying to seem better by dragging you down in comparison, not nice, sad way to behave. Tell him straight he's being a dick and see how he responds? Or just dump if you've not got strong ties anymore.

I must have a different sense of humour as I'd have laughed at this and.given a witty comment back. Unless there is a back story I can't see anything wrong at all

It’s a bit Alan partridge. I would be cringing at him because I imagine it sounded funny in his head but then there was just a awkward silence when everyone went “what?” And then he pushed it. Aaargh.
If you think he is doing it to humiliate you then follow up on that because it’s not ok. However, that’s a pretty clumsy way to try to humiliate someone and it’s only really him that it embarrasses. It seems more likely to me that he gets socially awkward in situations like that and tries to overcompensate with ill thought through jokes, you would have a better sense of whether this is likely or not though.

It's like the sort of jibberings a child would come out with.

As an isolated incident it’s clearly a joke, and I’d say you were being way over sensitive. I would’ve laughed and carried it on by saying something like “yes and I have to walk my husband on a leash because he tries to sniff people’s bums in the park” or other nonsense.

But clearly there’s a back story here and it sounds like you’re worn down by this. If you think he’s doing it regularly and purposely to hurt you that’s a different issue