Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

In laws

28 replies

ChrisTophat1070 · 18/09/2020 07:11

Need rational advice or just thoughts. My wife and I are moving house to be closer to her family, they live on the other side of the city, which is Belfast so literally 10 minutes away. But it's just too far for them to all see each other apparently so we have to move. I'm completely fine with the move as I want my wife to happy more than anything else. I'd move to the moon with her if she asked. My worry is that shes told me itll be great, as her parents can call round "every day". I like both her parents but 2 years ago we had them stay with us for 8 weeks while their house was being renovated. It was the definition of a good deed gone wrong on my part because they literally destroyed our home. They were messy, her dad broke nearly all our cups, plates and glasses, their dog peed and dumped all over our upstairs carpet every night, (it took over 10 shampoos to get the smell out), her dad broke our loft ladder and hatch, trashed our bedroom which we'd given up to them, and then the day they went home they left while we were at work, without saying a word and left us with no electric on the meter. Theres too much more to mention. It was like supervising playgroup. My wife thinks it's great they'll be bear enough to just walk in anytime they like but it makes my blood run cold thinking about it. Anytime I try to talk to my wife about it it turns into a fight and I back down. How do I deal with this. They are nice people but I dont want them in my house every single day or I'll have a breakdown. Any thoughts or musings would be great. Also tell me if I'm being standoffish. Thanks muchly

OP posts:
Sssloou · 20/09/2020 12:07

Don’t move.

Even if you moved and put down boundaries - they will be trampled.

Sounds like she is setting it all up to have babies and have her parents as childcare (have you discussed this?) if you were living close it would really hard for you say to say “No” to childcare and visits with this enmeshed dynamic.

Don’t fall into this trap.

I suggest that it always ending in a row - is because she is emotionally immature and incapable of calm adult communication and compromise because she has such an entrenched enmeshed family system.

For now I would use the fact that you have an 11 year old and consistency for their childhood trumps everything. Then I would look carefully at all parts of your RS and get some counselling to improve communication, conflict resolution and focus on your marriage as her core priority family before you have DCs together.

Ginfordinner · 20/09/2020 12:10

If it's only a ten minute drive, could you not drop her round to her parents occasionally until she learns to drive?

FeminismIsForALLWomen · 20/09/2020 15:27

Very much looking forward to seeing more of your posts, you poor poor put upon person Wink

New posts on this thread. Refresh page