Am I wasting my time?

fuandylp · 17/09/2020 22:18

Yeah, you're wasting your time. Sorry.
He enjoys going for walks with you and that's it. If there was more to it then he would have made it clear by now.
He's on POF too, so he is looking for someone but it isn't you.

Get back on to eharmony and chat with the other guy and see how you get on and stop waiting for Mr. Sunday Afternoon Walk to do something because he won't.

morefun · 17/09/2020 22:23

I'd say, you know if he seems kind of shy and might be afraid to ask you out...

Does he seem like that? It could be that he wanted to ask you out initially, so maybe flirt a bit next time you see him. If he still doesn't ask you out, I'd leave it as friends.

LemonTT · 17/09/2020 22:38

You are in the friend zone. And, like most people you will have put yourself there. The first walk was the crucial one b

He is not shy of asking people out. That’s why he is doing OLD.

Get back in the game, even if just to up your game. Next time you will be able to advance the first walk to a drink and then to a meal.

MaskWearer · 17/09/2020 22:50

If be tempted to just speak the truth. Life is too short OP. Can't you just ask him if he's interested in anything romantic and see what he says? Get it answered either way and then you can move forward. Don't play games by flirting and waiting for him to take a hint. Some people don't get hints.

Original poster

Claire926 · 18/09/2020 11:43

I think I need to start looking elsewhere as it is ridiculous to wait around for this man. He is quite a reserved man which may explain why it has not progressed. He said the other day he wanted to hug me goodbye but cannot with the restrictions. That is fair enough he is being sensible and not touching others outside of the bubble. There comes a point though where he is just being a tease spending time together but nothing is progressing.

I'm struggling as the media keep saying there will be another national lockdown. I don't know how anyone can date right now with restrictions and everything being closed. If I met someone and a lockdown happened now it was just mess everything up.

OP posts:

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2020 11:46

Have you ever told him you’re romantically interested in him? I don’t understand why you’re hanging around waiting for him to do the asking. And would rather move on than ask him yourself.

Bluntness100 · 18/09/2020 11:47

There comes a point though where he is just being a tease spending time together but nothing is progressing

Nice, how would you feel if he said that about you?

MarkRuffaloCrumble · 18/09/2020 12:04

If he’s sticking to social distancing guidelines I’d say ask him. It may be that in normal times he’d have hugged/kissed you but he’s not sure it’s appropriate at the moment. Either way it won’t hurt to have the chat - either he’ll be uncomfortable and try to say he’s not interested in dating you/anyone in which case you have your answer or he’ll be glad you like him that way and you can go on a proper date. If it’s a no you haven’t lost anything so you can walk away or remain friends if that’s what you both want.

Anordinarymum · 18/09/2020 12:07

OP Why don't you send him a nice message saying you enjoyed seeing him last time ?

yousawthewholeofthemoon · 18/09/2020 12:20

You repeatedly post the same threads - give it up, it ain't gonna happen.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3998831-We-are-friends-but-he-is-online-dating

Kittykat93 · 18/09/2020 12:26

Omg op another one

Original poster

Claire926 · 18/09/2020 12:34

@MarkRuffaloCrumble

If he’s sticking to social distancing guidelines I’d say ask him. It may be that in normal times he’d have hugged/kissed you but he’s not sure it’s appropriate at the moment. Either way it won’t hurt to have the chat - either he’ll be uncomfortable and try to say he’s not interested in dating you/anyone in which case you have your answer or he’ll be glad you like him that way and you can go on a proper date. If it’s a no you haven’t lost anything so you can walk away or remain friends if that’s what you both want.

Thanks for your advice @MarkRuffaloCrumble. I know you are right and I am going to have to have the conversation with him to get this resolved.

I am being criticised by some people on here but Covid times are making it more difficult to progress things for people trying to date so asking him outright what he thinks will get this sorted.

OP posts:

fuandylp · 18/09/2020 12:47

You'd be better of forgetting about looking for some bloke at the moment and spend some time working on yourself, improve your own self-confidence, concentrate on your own interests.
Why are you still waiting around for this guy? You posted about him at the beginning of August too and it was the same story then.
He's not that in to you. If he was then he would have made some kind of move by now, COVID or no COVID.

Do not make excuses for him like "he's shy" (it's bullshit..... I always used to think that about blokes when I was in my early 20s - they weren't shy, they weren't interested in me. End of story). Similarly excuses like "COVID restrictions" blahblah.
Get the book "He's just not that into you" or watch the film.

Why do you need to date right now anyway? As you say, it's all difficult with the restriction and there might be another national lockdown.
How old are you? What is the urgency associated with finding a man? It comes across as a bit desperate to me and that's quite dangerous really as that's when you are tempted to settle for any old shit bags and you end up with more problems once in a relationship with them.

Original poster

Claire926 · 18/09/2020 12:59

@fuandylp

You'd be better of forgetting about looking for some bloke at the moment and spend some time working on yourself, improve your own self-confidence, concentrate on your own interests. Why are you still waiting around for this guy? You posted about him at the beginning of August too and it was the same story then. He's not that in to you. If he was then he would have made some kind of move by now, COVID or no COVID.

Do not make excuses for him like "he's shy" (it's bullshit..... I always used to think that about blokes when I was in my early 20s - they weren't shy, they weren't interested in me. End of story). Similarly excuses like "COVID restrictions" blahblah.
Get the book "He's just not that into you" or watch the film.

Why do you need to date right now anyway? As you say, it's all difficult with the restriction and there might be another national lockdown.
How old are you? What is the urgency associated with finding a man? It comes across as a bit desperate to me and that's quite dangerous really as that's when you are tempted to settle for any old shit bags and you end up with more problems once in a relationship with them.

@fuandylp Thank you for your post. You have said exactly what I need to do right now. I should not be settling and could end up being stuck with the wrong person all because I was not willing to wait until more opportunities with other people become more available when restrictions are lifted.

I have read stories where people will quarantine together or become part of each other's bubble and he clearly is not willing to do that. I don't like mixed messages from passive men.

I think I need to focus on myself at the moment as I need to finish my second year of my course. Recently my Grandad has had some problems and is struggling now he is older and I need to give him my support. My Grandad's struggles have really affected me causing low mood and I don't need some t*sser messing me around at the moment.

OP posts:

Lockdownseperation · 18/09/2020 13:04

This is at least the 5th time you have posted asking exactly the same question. You’re not going to get a different answer and even if you did get a different answer it won’t change the situation.

Maybe it’s time for you to seek professional help from a counsellor or your GP.

LonelyFromCorona · 18/09/2020 13:05

How about you tell him you are interested and suggest a date? Why is the onus only on him? You have admittedly described him as 'reserved'

If you want to try things - ask

If not - stop bemoaning and move on

seensome · 18/09/2020 13:17

Renew your dating profile, don't wait around for one man, if you really want to date him, ask him to know for sure but quite honestly if a man is interested romantically they will make it known however shy.

chubbyhotchoc · 18/09/2020 13:35

Wasting your time. He's not even taken you out for a drink. I never agreed to a 'walk' when dating. Cheap, dusty, lazy men who are NOT interested in impressing you, just passing the time, offer these kinds non dates. Next!

ravenmum · 18/09/2020 13:35

Is this the same man who "led you on" in January 2018?

SoulofanAggron · 18/09/2020 13:46

Ask him how he feels/ what you want before you give up. Worth a go, you don't have anything to lose- if he isn't up for going out with you (I think he will be) I'm sure he'll still be your friend.

Don't ditch him just because he won't break the law and hug/shag you BTW. That is decent of him, not to put people's lives at risk for the sake of a hug or shag. Things can still progress, just in a different way.

user15369525797567 · 18/09/2020 13:51

yousawthewholeofthemoon I was pretty sure I recognised this depressing scenario...

I don't see how he's doing anything to mess you around to warrant being called a tosser. There's nothing wrong with your own ability to start conversations, is there?

Original poster

Claire926 · 18/09/2020 13:56

@SoulofanAggron

Ask him how he feels/ what you want before you give up. Worth a go, you don't have anything to lose- if he isn't up for going out with you (I think he will be) I'm sure he'll still be your friend.

Don't ditch him just because he won't break the law and hug/shag you BTW. That is decent of him, not to put people's lives at risk for the sake of a hug or shag. Things can still progress, just in a different way.

@SoulofanAggron Thank you. I'm just finding it so hard as I am adhering to the rules and not touching people etc to not potentially spread the virus the same as he is. I think that makes me like him more because he is being respectful and law abiding. I don't want a quick fling, I'm just not used to having to hold back with my feelings but have to because of the law.

OP posts:

Mumoftwo1994 · 18/09/2020 15:00

@Claire926

I changed careers a year ago and started a course where I met a man. We got on well on the course. When the course finished this summer out of the blue he messaged me asking to catch up and go for a walk. We have done this a few times now and had some wonderful times. I get the feeling from some of the things he says is that he likes me romantically but is taking his time to get to know me.

He has started his second year of his career on a different course and I am doing my second year elsewhere. He has confided in me saying it is quite an intense course as it is full time and just about managing his workload. I would never want to get in the way of a man's career/goals.

I know he is busy studying, catching up with his friends and playing tennis. My friend has seen him on POF which he is entitled to do as he is single so I know he is looking elsewhere. I'm getting to the point now where I am thinking I may need to move on.

I know there will probably be a conversation that we are interested in each other but he has never asked me out for a drink or meal but does these things with his friends so the virus doesn't put me off. I don't see how walks are considered as dates. I don't want to waste time holding out for something that may never happen.

I have a dormant account on eharmony, a guy on there has got in touch and I am curious about renewing my membership and contacting him. I just feel I can't put my life on hold when there are others who are willing to make more time.

I don't want to be an afterthought for a guy who wants to meet for a walk for a few hours on a Sunday every fortnight.

If you're interested in him, then maybe ask him out in case he's shy. If not then check the other guy out, as maybe there's a small spark between you but I had that with a guy friend who wanted it to go somewhere but the spark wasn't enough to ruin a friendship for.

MiniTheMinx · 18/09/2020 15:06

When he later said he wanted to hug you goodbye, what did you say back to him?

ConcernedAboutWarrington · 18/09/2020 15:08

OP you do know that there's a whole world of dating activities that lie somewhere between going for a walk in the park, and exchanging bodily fluids, don't you?!

If he was into you, you would know. What's his eye contact like? Ask him about his POF profile! Stop waiting around.