Serious help needed to confront a cheating bastard!

[Mushyheadmuddythoughts]

Found tinder on my OHs fone i need to confront him how the fuck do i do this?! Kids are in the house when he finishes work i dont want them to hear..with corona restrictions i dont have anyone to babysit them!

Message him at work saying you will have his bags packed and he can pick them up after the kids are in bed. Did you take screenshots?

@Trousersareoverrated no screenshots but i know what ive seen i almost had to rub my eyes i was soo shocked!

How old are your children? Possibly tell him after they’ve gone to bed?

As he comes in ask him: 'why do you have the tinder app on your phone?'

In my experience he'll probably go 'what? what's that? I don't know. I don't know anything about technology.'

Agree with a PP.
Pack his stuff up.
Leave it outside.
Send a message just before he is due to leave work telling him to collect it and go somewhere else.
Tell him you will discuss things with him when YOU are good and ready and until then, he needs to stay away from you and not contact you.

Then give yourself some breathing space.
Take a couple of days to get your head around everything.
If you have a non-judgey friend, then talk it through with them.
Then and only then, can you decide what your next steps are.

Are you basing this purely on seeing the tender app on his phone? Or do you actually have any solid evidence?

Once the kids are settled sit down and talk to him. I seriously don’t understand why people don’t just talk! If I saw that on my husbands phone I’d ask him to explain himself then take it from there.

What exactly did you see? How is your relationship aside from this? Why were you going through his phone did you have suspicions?

Do you plan to split up? Are you married? Or do you have to stay with him for financial reasons. You know he's looking around for other women and perhaps he has met some. That's what he wants. What do you want?

I meant to say, forget the confrontation. What's the point. Just speak to him when the DC aren't around, but process what your plans are. There isn't anything he can say which changes the facts.

Create a profile on Tinder and get your evidence so he can’t persuade you that you are wrong.

OP - this is your second thread on this.
And here you have left out that in fact all of you have been in the house shielding for many months. At least according to your other posts.
And that you saw that he used the app in July and yesterday. And you don’t really know what he did on it - you haven’t seen messages or any other evidence.

You have a tiny baby. Your messages are all over emotionally. You started off saying you are worried he’ll have an emotional affair online and leave. Now you seem to be raging.

Some people on the other thread advised you to try talking to him to see what is happening. Some even suggested that he maybe just going a bit off from being locked up in the house for months on end, with a kid and the baby.

Are you sure you aren’t overreacting/emotional due to having little sleep and/or hormones?

@Josuk no im not over reacting hes messaged women about meeting up for sex

I'd pack his bags and chuck him out.
Everything else will be clearer with him gone.

Agree with hells bells on the plan of action

Just be prepared for the responses when you do confront....

Lies (it never happened, I never went through with it) gaslighting (you never saw it because it doesn't exist) and blameshifting (you invaded my privacy, you weren't paying me enough attention) etc..

For me personally cheating is one of my relationship instant dismissal offences, but what are your initial thoughts OP? Is it something you would be willing to forgive or a deal-breaker?

@Closetbeanmuncher have you ever been cheated on?

OP I don't understand what you want from the thread. Without drama you can speak to him. You say he has messaged other women. So you must have seen them. You need to make you own mind up on whether this is a deal breaker. Or whether you are going to stay with him for financial reasons. There aren't other options.

OP this is the second thread you've started about this, it's better if you stick to one. But on neither thread are you progressing with advice or actually discussing what you are going to do.

I'm Not sure what you want from MN either.

And I'm not sure if you're genuine.

Yes OP, once that I know of.

@stealthmama oh im genuine! I hope nothing like this ever happens to u and if it does hopefully people will show u more kindness than youve shown me!

You know you can sit on this bit of information for a few days while you get everything in order, you don't need a big showdown the minute he steps through the door. Get screenshots of the messages and save them to a secret folder, make sure you have enough money etc

OP - you said you are shielding and not leaving the house for months.
How is that he is arranging meeting people for sex.
Which part of the story is true?

@Josuk all of it! I wasnt sure at 1st but thinking back on it He goes grocery shopping for me and my child who are shielding and takes hours sometimes(the only place he goes) he told me that several items where out of stock and/or queues caused delays he mustve been doin it then? Do you not think ive been trying my best to piece this altogether in my mind?..why would i make up a story?! Ive got nothing to gain from this?!

@Josuk we are together 24/7 apart from obviously the essential task of buying food we sadly cant survive on fresh air. I only found out about the tinder recently (in september) i read his messages (some in july)hes not just on tinder ive found out hes on several platforms(this is how they can exchange photos/videos) i sound different throughout because im experiencing a rollercoaster of emotions and feel rather confused! Ive been told by the government and my gp we can stop shielding now but we do not feel comfortable to do so just now we re still very much staying away from people as much as we can. Me and my daughter have a range of complex health disorders which i dont wish to get into and identify ourselves for obvious reasons..anything else you care for me to explain? As i said really hope if you find yourself reaching out for help you find kinder replies..