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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Should I have just said...

40 replies

Kel9 · 14/09/2020 17:23

This is something I didn’t thing much about.. but this month my period was late... mainly because I’ve just come off the pill. My cycle was 43 days without a period. Which I know can be normal.

My partner was working away last week and I did panic slightly and wondered if I was pregnant.

This consumed me all week and I eventually did a test which was negative. I felt relieved 😅

Last night chatting away to my oh and I mentioned I did a test... he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t believe I had done a test and not told him, he was right of course. I just didn’t want to bother him when he was working away and I wasn’t ready to even thing that we could of been having a baby,

I feel rotten for not telling him and I don’t know why I withheld this... I suppose I didn’t think it over too much!!

Is there something you’ve not shared with your oh not thinking it was a big deal but boy were you wrong..., 🙃

OP posts:
NotaCoolMum · 14/09/2020 17:38

I did a test in the loo on my lunch break!! My (now ex) came home and I told him then! Lots of women surprise their partners with a positive! Are you TTC? X

Sassypants82 · 14/09/2020 17:45

What? I really can't understand the problem. Did he expect tahr you would have waited until he was there to test?

I've been pregnant 4 times and each time I tested when it was convenient for me. I told my husband soon after.

I have done countless tests while TTC tagt were negative that I didn't mention..

ShebaShimmyShake · 14/09/2020 17:54

I don't see the problem. I've done the same, test was negative so nothing to tell. I didn't see the point in worrying him before I even knew if there was an issue.

PlateTectonics · 14/09/2020 17:55

I don't think you've done anything wrong here OP.

IncludeWomenInTheSequel · 14/09/2020 18:00

I did a number of tests over about 3 or 4 days before I told my husband anything. The line was so faint that I just wanted to keep it to myself until I was sure.

MJMG2015 · 14/09/2020 18:03

Ask him if he needs to know when you start your period, when you have a poo, when you yawn. It's YOUR body. FFS

Sakurami · 14/09/2020 18:04

Well I have 4 kids and always tested first and then if positive, I've shown the test.

Original poster
Kel9 · 14/09/2020 18:45

I’m not trying to conceive just thought as I was late I’d make sure before I started to have a melt down 🙈

I don’t think it’s a big deal either god knows I would have said if we were pregnant lol but I was in Asda bogs during work time and just took the moment to get it over with.

Plus he was working there was no need to stir up a fuss over nothing 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Dery · 14/09/2020 18:51

"Last night chatting away to my oh and I mentioned I did a test... he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t believe I had done a test and not told him, he was right of course."

Like PP, I don't really see the problem here. If you had been TTC then I suppose I can see why he might have wanted to be party to the fact that a test was happening and what the result would be, but I don't quite get what was bothering him here.

I'm struck that you say "he was right of course". It may be that he would have appreciated knowing but I don't think you're wrong for not guessing that. I have periodically tested when my period was late (and when not TTC) and haven't discussed it with DH. From your "he was right of course" comment, it sounds a bit as if you are used to being made to feel wrong about things.

Aerial2020 · 14/09/2020 18:54

What is he cross about? That you took a test without him there?

Why did he need to be there?

category12 · 14/09/2020 19:00

He's being weird.

Perfectly normal to just take a test if you have doubts and there's no need to run it past your partner beforehand.

Original poster
Kel9 · 14/09/2020 20:21

It gets better... apparently he sees me in a different light!!! Wtf he’s brought it up again tonight

OP posts:
FippertyGibbett · 14/09/2020 20:23

You did a test so you could relax and not worry.
It was negative so I’m not sure what he’s getting uptight about.

Fidgety31 · 14/09/2020 20:30

He may think you are trying to get pregnant . Guess that’s what he means when he says he sees you in a different light now

pog100 · 14/09/2020 20:33

Well tell him you are seeing him in a different light, as a weirdly controlling fucking idiot.

user165423256322 · 14/09/2020 20:35

Well tell him you are seeing him in a different light, as a weirdly controlling fucking idiot.

My thought too.

Mammyloveswine · 14/09/2020 20:57

You've done nothing wrong at all op!

I told my friend before my husband about ds1 as confused in her that I suspected I was pregnant and she brought me the test!

Mammyloveswine · 14/09/2020 20:57

Confided in her... not confused!

Aerial2020 · 14/09/2020 21:11

Different light? What does that mean?
That you have your own choices with your body or that you don't tell him every single thing to with your body??

Confused
Bunnymumy · 14/09/2020 21:17

Controlling alert.

Wtf should you have to tell him anything anyway? Unless its positive it's really none of his buisness.

SoulofanAggron · 14/09/2020 21:26

I’m not trying to conceive just thought as I was late I’d make sure before I started to have a melt down

What are you doing for contraception? Don't say the pull out method, please. Shock What are your plans for contraception in future? He sounds stroppy, so I wouldn't advise having his baby.

You can communicate in whatever way you like. My ex tried to dictate how open I was and whether I communicated in person or by messenger etc (easier for me sometimes as I'm not very assertive.) I plan not to let a bloke try to dictate this again. They either live with how I feel best able to communicate, or they can fuck off.

By saying it's changed how he sees you, he's trying to manipulate you into behaving in the way he wants.

itsallaloadofshite · 14/09/2020 21:26

So would he have expected to watch you pee on the pregnancy test? My DP has never watched me take a test or known about most of them and there's been a lot.
He's being really strange imo, why is he still fixated on it? Is his life rather boring? So if you was pregnant and surprised him would he of had a full meltdown because he wasn't there to watch you take the test?

Original poster
Kel9 · 14/09/2020 21:55

No I made it clear I don’t want any more children. I already have one and don’t want any more. I think he was pissed because we tell each other most things. To me I genuinely never thought about it just fine it no big deal!

OP posts:
Original poster
Kel9 · 14/09/2020 21:58

I’m just off the pill as I bled all the way through it so came off it end of July. We had unprotected sex which just happened. My body can’t handle hormones so I think I’m going to try the copper coil

OP posts:
ShebaShimmyShake · 14/09/2020 22:02

Ok, the fact that he's obsessing over this is weird. Does he have issues with the fact that as a woman, there are just some things he isn't going to know unless you tell him?