Should I have just said...

[Kel9]

This is something I didn’t thing much about.. but this month my period was late... mainly because I’ve just come off the pill. My cycle was 43 days without a period. Which I know can be normal.

My partner was working away last week and I did panic slightly and wondered if I was pregnant.

This consumed me all week and I eventually did a test which was negative. I felt relieved 😅

Last night chatting away to my oh and I mentioned I did a test... he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t believe I had done a test and not told him, he was right of course. I just didn’t want to bother him when he was working away and I wasn’t ready to even thing that we could of been having a baby,

I feel rotten for not telling him and I don’t know why I withheld this... I suppose I didn’t think it over too much!!

Is there something you’ve not shared with your oh not thinking it was a big deal but boy were you wrong..., 🙃

Hang on, he ‘sees you in a different light’ because your period was late and you took a pregnancy test on your lunch break without consulting him first??? Is he feeling cheated out of a moment of worry or something?

I've done tests quite alot without telling just to put my mind at rest if im late, I wouldn't see it as a big deal but it worries the crap out of men probably best not to tell if your not ttc.

Lots of women take pregnancy tests without telling their partners ...especially when they're unsure about how they feel about it and are often anxious enough about it without having to deal with their partners anxiety about it too.

The few minutes waiting for the test result to come on screen can be some of the scariest moments in a womans life so it's up to each woman to decide whether she wants to do it alone, or with a friend..or with her partner.

Last night chatting away to my oh and I mentioned I did a test... he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t believe I had done a test and not told him, he was right of course. I just didn’t want to bother him when he was working away and I wasn’t ready to even thing that we could of been having a baby,

Why are you are saying "he was right of course". Fucking hell..... he's not right. I've done loads of pregnancy tests and never mentioned it. It's not necessary to tell your DP every single thing about your body.
And now he's still being weird about it?
Strange behaviour from him.

Lady has late period and being the practical sort, pragmatically does test to rule out possible pregnancy before hitting the Big Red Button of the 'We Might Be Expecting A Baby' conversation.
Test was negative, necessity for massive conversation averted. Well done lady.
With drama element removed light conversation about dodging bullets and being more careful in future is has but couple, jokes and laughs are shared about what a close one that was. Everyone is happy the end.
That's how it should go

Should say... had by couple

Do you often find yourself apologising for bullshit reasons and manufactured slights in this relationship, op?

I think he’s a bit insecure to be honest. I think he would actually like to have a baby and it stems from me being relieved slightly. He also apologised last night and said he was crabbit from work!! Fucker I told him he can bugger off upstairs with his crabbit ass and not take it out on me.

I totally agree with you chickensmightfly lol so true I thought I could do it to rule it out in the sly.

'I think he's a bit insecure' thinks every woman about every controlling man, ever, at one time or another.

Be on your guard op. I dont take my insecurities out on other people by attacking their freedoms. Nor does any sane person.

I think he's a bit insecure' thinks every woman about every controlling man, ever, at one time or another.

Yup.

We had unprotected sex which just happened.

Sex doesn't just happen- what happened?

You can get a coil fitted within the next few days. Don't have unprotected sex in the meantime.

Don't let him have sex without a condom until you have the coil in, no matter how much he whines about it.

@Bunnymumy

'I think he's a bit insecure' thinks every woman about every controlling man, ever, at one time or another.

Be on your guard op. I dont take my insecurities out on other people by attacking their freedoms. Nor does any sane person.

This. Making him see you in a different light?! Bloody hell I would be telling him the feeling is fucking mutual.

I think he’s a bit insecure to be honest.

Is that a yes to you finding yourself apologising a lot for bullshit reasons and manufactured slights?

I think that men don't really understand how much "maintenance" women have to do in regard to their female health, because they don't have to do any. Tracking periods, going for smears, childbirth, keeping a general eye on your gynaecological health is part of life for most women. Precautionary pregnancy tests - as in I'm probably not but just in case - is part of that and almost routine when you're female!! I think your partner is not understanding this and is instead thinking he missed some magical, possibly life changing moment with you, like in films. I think you need to reassure him that you never really thought you were pregnant, he didn't "miss" anything, you were just doing a sensible pragmatic thing by ruling the possibility out.

I agree that he probably just doesn't get that it's a very common thing to do. Do you announce when your period has started? Update him on the heaviness of your flow and any clotting? Comment on changes in discharge throughout your cycle? This is just all part of that faff that he doesn't need to know (and probably doesn't want to hear!). I've definitely taken tests my partner didn't know about as we ttc over a year for our little girl. The one that was finally positive I did when he'd already left for work and sent him a photo; he didn't even know I was going to test that morning. It's no big deal and he shouldn't have made you feel bad about it.