Dating a man with children is it worth it?

[EmilyAlice19]

I’ve been on a few of dates with a man who has three children. His children are 2, 8 and 10. Him and his ex partner are not on the best of terms, I believe she is still madly in love with him and they were together for 10 years so I understand it is hard to let go especially when you didn’t want the relationship to end. They have been separated for a year now.
As much as I really like this man I am unsure of whether or not this is too much baggage for me to take on? I am 25 years old with a demanding career, I have no children of my own and would like children in the future. He has told me he would not like more children in the future out of respect for his other three children but if he met the right person he may be swayed on this decision. Am I jumping in two feet first and getting ahead of myself or am I being practical and wanting to know what I want before this gets any future.
I’d love to hear other people’s views and experiences.

How old is he?

No way in your situation!! I wouldn't.

There's plenty of men without kids which would be my preference at your age, can you see yourself as a stepmum? For a few dates for fun it doesn't matter of course but if it's at the stage of getting serious put what you want first

Nope, I've love my dp and stepdaughter but honestly my life would be 1000% better NOT being a step mum. My dp has also gone from definitely wanting more kids to not being that bothered. I sometimes wish I'd never got involved or cut it short when is started to develop feelings.

You will always come last in your own life, probably won't have any adult holidays, be the free childcare, wipe snotty noses and poo covered bums and literally no-one will thank you or even care that you are there.

Dating a man with children can be wonderful IF you are both in the same stages of life with the same expectations. In this case- I would definitely say NO- you are young and he MAY be swayed by the right person to have more children?! Not worth the gamble if you definitely want children! X

@SnuggyBuggy

Maybe this is judgy but I think the age gap between you and his oldest child is too small. I've always thought it a bit sleazy when a man gets with a new partner who is too young to be the mum of his oldest child.

I'd also agree with many of the above posters that it's too much baggage, very soon after the birth of his last child and their split, as the woman you'll get all the shitwork and he could well carrot dangle.

100% this!! ^ how old is he @EmilyAlice19?

Run run run.

NO! I would stop this right now. Far, far too much baggage there.

Run run as fast as you can.....for the hills and a thousand miles beyond that.

I'm in my 30s and worried time is running out to meet the right man. I would still, and actually have, walked away from a man with 3 young children and a messy divorce. At your age you absolutely should.

He sounds like a drama queen as well, why has he told you his ex is still in love? Why has he told you he doesn't want more kids but could be persuaded? The 'out of respect for his 3 kids' comment is very telling. Dragging his children into his reasoning means he could umm and ahh for ages but in the end you'd be hard pushed to argue if he said he doesn't want more for the sake of his existing kids, therefore that ball at least is in his court when he is claiming otherwise.

No, do not get involved. I'm speaking from experience.

Only use him as a fling and fwb essentially if you really want to.

But a long term partner? Dear God no, he is just looking for a mug to take over the duty of 'wife' without the benefits and will dangle the 'extra kids' carrot in front of you until you're not able to have them. Then he'll probably dump you for a younger woman.

Don't do this to yourself. You deserve better.

This sounds like it will be nightmare amounts of drama and unlikely to have a happy ending

I think you should meet all the kids (as a friend) and take them on an afternoon out with him and see what the reality is.

I am 50 now and if I split up with DH and went on to meet somebody else, I think it is very likely I would be accepting some adult stepchildren into my life. But at 25, absolutely no way would I take on that baggage. I would also take him seriously when he says he doesn’t want any more children.

@EmilyAlice19

'he may be swayed' means carry on dating me so he gets everything he can but really no he won't be swayed he will keep you hanging though and you may eventually find out he never wanted anymore children

If you want children run for the hills and find someone else

Red flags, so many red flags. He was with her longer than 10 years if their eldest is 10. His ex is madly in love with him, he's looking for a relationship without adding any more children but doesn't want to be with her, but DOES want to be with a 25 year old with her whole life ahead of her. I call bullshit. There will be a lot more to this than he's letting on. Time to exit stage left. There's a reason he's targeting you, because those of us who have met his type before (older, like me) wouldn't touch him with a barge pole

Another one saying run.

Agree with all the costs of taking on someone else's children...... also one year separated, when you have three kids and at least the woman is still in love...... opens up questions.

Sounds like there could be a possible reconciliation....

And/or why did the relationship fail? Is there something about this man that led to breaking up his family? Did he have an affair? Just decide that family life with three kids wasn't fun enough? Not traits you want in a man.

Plus he's telling he doesn't want more children, and you do.

You aren't in deep yet, OP- now is the time to save yourself a ton of grief!