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Original poster

Dating a man with children is it worth it?

69 replies

EmilyAlice19 · 13/09/2020 21:56

I’ve been on a few of dates with a man who has three children. His children are 2, 8 and 10. Him and his ex partner are not on the best of terms, I believe she is still madly in love with him and they were together for 10 years so I understand it is hard to let go especially when you didn’t want the relationship to end. They have been separated for a year now.
As much as I really like this man I am unsure of whether or not this is too much baggage for me to take on? I am 25 years old with a demanding career, I have no children of my own and would like children in the future. He has told me he would not like more children in the future out of respect for his other three children but if he met the right person he may be swayed on this decision. Am I jumping in two feet first and getting ahead of myself or am I being practical and wanting to know what I want before this gets any future.
I’d love to hear other people’s views and experiences.

OP posts:
Natsel84 · 13/09/2020 22:52

Each situation is different, but in your case the answer is no.. it will never be worth it , just cause you heartache

CilantroChili · 13/09/2020 22:53

Omg 😱 run, run, run!!!!! There’s nothing but hell there for you... you are young, your whole life ahead, do NOT get snarled up in this mess because you will regret it, and massively

AnneLovesGilbert · 13/09/2020 22:54

Why did he divorce her? Has he said? Did you think it was odd he told you she was still in love with him a few dates in?

MsKeats · 13/09/2020 22:56

Run and fast. I was where you are. You do not want or need to be challenged to Persuade someone to have a child or a shared life and values with you. You want a life You build together.

jimmyjammy001 · 13/09/2020 22:58

You are 25,there are plenty of single blokes out there your age with no baggage, taking on a pre made family is not worth it, trust it from us oldies, alot more lifetime hassle/stress/problems than it is worth, find someone without kids, you will be alot happier.

IHaveBrilloHair · 13/09/2020 23:01

No, just no.

Honeyroar · 13/09/2020 23:02

You’re still so young and there will be a lot of work and hard times ahead if you take this on (as well as a lot of love and good times if you’re lucky). Being a stepmum is really hard work and often unrewarding. You’re often last in the chain, your plans have to fit round a sometimes unreasonable ex. I love my husband and my stepson, but it’s been a bumpy ride sometimes!

ShagMeRiggins · 13/09/2020 23:09

You say it’s been a few dates. Why not let his separation be completed with divorce then see if you are still interested.

There are, literally, billions of eligible partners out there.

BrummyMum1 · 13/09/2020 23:33

I wouldn’t date someone who left their partner with a 1 year old.

BewilderedDoughnut · 13/09/2020 23:52

Run... run far and run fast!

Sakurami · 14/09/2020 01:06

I want someone with kids because I have children but I'm also twice as old as you. And I wouldn't want a man with kids that young. 3 young kids...that is a lot to deal with.

You're young and there are plenty of single guys with no kids.

Krampusasbabysitter · 14/09/2020 01:12

No way! Set your standard way higher! There is an entire bunting of red flags about someone who claims their ex is still madly in love with them and is potentially going to cause you a lot of problems. How did you find out this nugget of information? I daresay from him. He's setting the stage to make you contort yourself for him by having to potentially compete against an (Ex) wife who adores him. and you have to constantly prove yourself worthy for his sacred sperm, as he dangles the definite maybe of future child 'for the right person'. Fuck that! With three young children in the mix already, I daresay his finances are stretched. Find yourself someone without the extended set of baggage who will be able to put you first.

Readandwalk · 14/09/2020 01:17

I have had two long term relationships with fathers. First one I was 28 he was 47, two gorgeous girls pre teens. We were madly in love and he died of cancer. I'm now 50, have stayed in touch with both girls and see them as family.

Second one I was 43, two young boys below ten. Relationship didn't work out but we see each other frequently as friends. Boys now teens. It was very difficult with one son.

The priority here is you. If you want a child you will need a definite answer from your partner. And are you also willing to invest a lot of time and yourself into his three children? Because you will.

GrimDamnFanjo · 14/09/2020 01:20

Nope, relationships can be hard enough. The youngest is only two?!
He doesn't sound a good match tbh.

Delphinium20 · 14/09/2020 01:31

Run, run, run. You deserve to have a man who can spend time with you, focusing on you and you deserve to have a man who is very excited to have baby with you - where you both can fawn over your new child and be in love. You will always be 4th fiddle here and honestly, his kids get a short end of the stick too when/if you have your baby. If you were older and had your own children, I'd encourage the relationship. But you are just looking at future misery and after the gloss of newly married life with cute step kids wears off, you will know you've missed out on your youth.

Susannahmoody · 14/09/2020 01:35

Er, no.

Run 🏃

eaglejulesk · 14/09/2020 01:41

Another vote for running for the hills. You are too young and have your whole life ahead of you, don't get bogged down in this.

JuanNil · 14/09/2020 02:40

Absolutely run away while you still can. Otherwise your life will be filled with gems such as "well she's the mother of my children, what am I supposed to do". You'll end up feeling like you're always on the outside looking in, with the occasional bone thrown your way to make you feel extra super special. He's probably making you feel extra special right now. Maybe ignoring calls from his ex and telling you that time with you is more important. Inviting you to go out with him and his kids because he wants you all to get along. Eugh, been there. It's not worth it in the slightest.

ukgift2016 · 14/09/2020 05:58

So you are 25 and you want to take on three kids? Really?

Is he rich at least?

alwayscrashinginthesamecar1 · 14/09/2020 06:04

You would be utterly mad to do this.

AgentProvocateur · 14/09/2020 06:09

Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction!

VickySunshine · 14/09/2020 06:27

I think you've answered your own question. End it. Be polite but make it short and unequivocal. Do it today and let him sort his own mess out. You don't need that shit in your life.

SnuggyBuggy · 14/09/2020 06:35

Maybe this is judgy but I think the age gap between you and his oldest child is too small. I've always thought it a bit sleazy when a man gets with a new partner who is too young to be the mum of his oldest child.

I'd also agree with many of the above posters that it's too much baggage, very soon after the birth of his last child and their split, as the woman you'll get all the shitwork and he could well carrot dangle.

RuffleCrow · 14/09/2020 06:36

Doesn't make any sense. "I don't want any more kids out of respect for my existing kids but maybe you could persuade me" seems to be what he's saying. Sounds like a way to keep you dangling tbh. And his ex being madly in love with him?! Is that what he tells you? I'd bet she really kicked him out over something serious and that's just his cover story for the animosity. Run! Save yourself!

Midnightsky1 · 14/09/2020 06:39

No way! You would be mad. Three kids including a two year old! I don’t think you know what you’re letting yourself in for.

Apart from that you want your own children and he doesn’t.