How do you find out if someone is married?

[MarjorieProops]

Hi I have been meeting a man I met on online dating for a couple of months. I have my suspicions he is married or with a partner. The following things make me think this:

1. He only meets me once a week. Never at weekend and if so only on Sunday night. To be fair he lives 40 miles away though.
2. I have not been to his house. He says he lives with flat mates and they have issues. He says I could stay when they move out soon.
3. He texts in morning and last thing at night, during day but not a lot as I think he works very hard.

It may just be the way he is, but I would like to find out. I have googled and can't see anything. Sometimes I think he isn't taken and then I think he is. I just want a way of being sure. Sounds silly but any suggestions?

He may well live with flatmates but that doesn't mean he isn't also married or in a committed relationship. Only being physically available at the weekends late on Sundays sounds suspiciously like someone who is doing a weekly commute.

Yes, if you did get to see the flatmates, all that would show you is whether he introduces you as his gf, and their reaction. Or he might just not want to introduce them, and end it. I was introduced to two of Mr Suspicious's mates, but realised afterwards that they might have wanted to warn me about his exploits, but felt too awkward to say anything.

40 Miles isn’t far, imagine how much time you might be wasting if he’s already in a relationship. Which it sounds like he is.

Have you asked him ?.

Take the time to drive to his house to find out.
I'd rather spend the time to do this than carry things on for another month or two and not know.

I think the video call is a good on a normal night.

Also say Sunday's are out next couple weeks how about Friday or Saturday

A couple of months in, red flags and you don’t trust him? It almost doesn’t matter if he is married or not. Bail out now before you are too invested.

Just stop seeing him
🤷🏻‍♀️

We met halfway last night. In conversation I suggested I could stay at his sometime. He said I could, but no plans were made. He asked why I don't pester him to meet up. I tend to hold back and wait to be asked, due to past rejection.

Say you'll come over to his on Friday at 6?

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

Check his facebook page says he's single. If he "doesn't do social media" he's married/attached.

Not everyone 'does' SM!!

I don't. None of it. MN is as close as I get.

@MarjorieProops. When are the flat mates supposed to be moving out?

What does he say when you suggest he stays at yours for the weekend?

It does sound like he has a partner/married!
I had the same situation 2.5 years ago😩I met a guy online who "didn't have Facebook" and was apparently single living with his house mates.
I apparently couldn't stay round, he didn't want to go for drinks in his local town, he would say he was working when he wasn't- I don't know how I believed the bullshit at the time! It's so embarrassing.
Turns out he was married, he had gone out of his way to BLOCK me on his wife social media accounts so I wouldn't find out.

I only found out by looking at his works Facebook page (A pub) and there was a photo of him pulling a pint with a ring on. I used another Facebook account and found her profile full of wedding photos and photos of them together.
I hope he is genuinely single and it works out! Trust your instincts x

He took almost the entire day from 9 am to 9pm to reply to my WhatsApp message. He had been on throughout the day, but not clicked on mine so left unread. Then he replies all bright and breezy with three messages. It's not the quantity I need. I think it's the sense of knowing someone is there just for you.

Tell him you arent keen on messaging and would rather call. Then call him in future instead. If he never answers or if he rejects the calls claiming he cant take them atm but yet, then tries to have convos via text right after - then you'll know he is hiding you from someone.

"Tell him you arent keen on messaging and would rather call. Then call him in future instead. If he never answers or if he rejects the calls claiming he cant take them atm but yet, then tries to have convos via text right after - then you'll know he is hiding you from someone."

This.

What does he do on the weekends that he can't see you?
Do you have his address?
Do you ever call him at night?

Asked my DH about this , his response was same as others above . Tell him you don’t like the impersonal nature of messaging and just call him .If you wait till you see him active on WhatsApp he can’t say he was driving , in the shower etc and couldn’t answer . Think it’s the most straightforward way to answer your doubts .

What does he say if you suggest meeting on a Friday or Saturday night?

I think it doesn’t really matter whether he is married or not (and I think he could be). But if he isn’t, well he is still not available to you and has no time for you. Additionally you appear to be making a bigger deal over this 40 mile distance than most people would. You talk about meeting halfway as if you are 400 miles apart. People drive further than 40 miles to work and back, I did myself until a couple of years ago.

Well, I don't do social media and have never been married. I just don't like it, especially Facebook. Ridiculous to use that as the sole indicator of someone's relationship status.

Do you have any friends who are good at digging online? I often get asked by my friends to see what I can find out about potential Tinder dates etc
But I do agree that if you don’t trust him there’s probably no point anyway. At the very least you both seem to want different levels of involvement.
If someone is keen, at this stage they should be making time to see you rather than apparently offering you certain slots of time during their week. I’d probably move on...

You are clearly picking up something from the way he treats you. I had something similar last year. I was seeing someone who had been separated a year but not divorced. Lived in a bedsit so saw his DC at the family home. He didn't want to tell his wife or kids about me. The timeline for doing so came and went. He didn't have social media. But he was searchable in his profession. I stayed at his bedsit and we went out in his local area.

But there was a niggle. He was still too enmeshed in his family life. I wouldn't date someone until divorce and finances were sorted now. And I wouldn't date someone without social media. It's a layer of comfort that they are who they say they are and their status is as they say. That profile pics aren't of them and their ex etc. To me it's simple due diligence and as single women we need to be careful.

My boyfriend of three years was like this. He wasn´t married but I had this niggling feeling something was off. when I would visit and wanted to go away with him to the islands for a few days it was flat out no!. You havent seen your girlfriend in some months and miss the opportunity to go away with her...hmmm I was left hours alone at hotel, then he would come one evening and stay night, I couldnt pinpoint what it was. I knew his mum and some of his friends, but with his friends I always got the impression they knew something I didnt. I ended up breaking up with him and felt relief! That says it all. I told his mum that a guy who doesnt involve his girfriend in his life isnt serious about that girlfriend and she did not contradict me and told me she thought I was a really nice polite girl (mega coming from a Greek mum). She must have told him this comment because he wrote me a letter three years later to dispute it!
My comment is trust your gut instinct, it is shrieking to you something is wrong even though you cannot name it!

Just end it.

It isn't working for you and it's making you anxious.

So it doesn't matter particularly why that is. What matters is you are not happy, secure and calm in this relationship.

So it isn't healthy.

I think he's clearly dating around - rather than married. On whatsapp all day but not replying quickly, fills w/ends with different dates sunday is Op). A married man would be unlikely to text late evening or be available Sunday nights.
Plus he asked why yo udon't pester him for dates, OP - a married man would love it to stay tha way.