How do you find out if someone is married?

[MarjorieProops]

Hi I have been meeting a man I met on online dating for a couple of months. I have my suspicions he is married or with a partner. The following things make me think this:

1. He only meets me once a week. Never at weekend and if so only on Sunday night. To be fair he lives 40 miles away though.
2. I have not been to his house. He says he lives with flat mates and they have issues. He says I could stay when they move out soon.
3. He texts in morning and last thing at night, during day but not a lot as I think he works very hard.

It may just be the way he is, but I would like to find out. I have googled and can't see anything. Sometimes I think he isn't taken and then I think he is. I just want a way of being sure. Sounds silly but any suggestions?

Just start saying you're not available on Sunday. One week say you're only available Saturday. The next week only Friday. Don't make a big deal just you have a work commitment, evening class, family/ friends birthday etc. If he doesn't step up to these dates something is amiss. I wouldn't have accepted Sunday night dates. Too much room for being the side chick. FYI 40 miles is nothing. My dh drove 60 miles twice a week to see me every week.
He should be introducing you to family/ friends about now so your suspicions are valid.

If I was in your situation I would press more like ask him to stay for the weekend together somewhere and see his reaction. If he never answered his mobile at the evening I would be suspicious. It is possible he hasn't any social media and I understand the distance but come on! Follow your instincts.

I know lots of people who don’t do social media, they are not all attached or married. Some people just aren’t interested.

I don’t think there is any way of finding out really. You either need to trust him or not. What does your gut say? Is his level of communication enough for you? Because If it isn’t then you need to talk to him about it and see if there is compromise.

Plenty of people don’t use social media, it’s not an indicator of marital status!

I know several people that don’t use it and none of them have made that choice because they’re having an affair.

I'm not married and don't use social media anymore

I also think a drive by the house is a good idea

I was cheated on when I was very young. I wasn't allowed to ring at certain times or see him on certain days. After he dumped me by text (classy) I got an email from a female "friend" of his who told me not to trust him. Long story short, he had both of us on the go at the same time.

If he has mentioned a relative like a sister (that has his surname) then search for her. I did this once with a mr 'I dont have social media'. He did. He used a madeup word in place of a surname so that he couldn't be searched. But he was tagged in his sisters pictures.

Trust your gut.

You can even search for a first name and city/town of residence on the computer on fb and scroll through.

I don’t and have never done social media, but I am married so in my case the test would apply.

That said, this guy totally sounds married.

I hardly use SM. I'm not in a relationship at the moment but there is someone I don't want to know what I am up to.

I dated someone I met on OLD for several months without him visiting my house, meeting my friends or family, or knowing my real name. It's easy.

I had a niggling doubt that he wasn't a good un, but it just fizzled out in the end.

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1

Check his facebook page says he's single. If he "doesn't do social media" he's married/attached.

I don't do social media either, and I am neither married nor attached.

Seriously, if you don't trust him already, it's irrelevant whether he's in a relationship or not. You and he are already doomed. May as well pack it in now and save you both some time and trouble.

At a couple of months in, I'd expect to be seeing him twice a week, including a date at the weekend - possibly spending the weekend together by this point . I wouldn't need to know if he's married, he'd not be suitable for me. I want someone to have fun with, not the equivalent of a long distance relationship when he's so close!

If he "doesn't do social media" he's married/attached

Not necessarily.....I don't 'do' social media (Well apart from MN and Pinterest, nothing I could be identified from, hopefully) and know plenty of other people who don't. Some of them are single.

I second the 192.com option

You should find out who he lives with from that

It’s not just the social media though, is it? It’s the mysterious home circumstances which preclude a visit, and the prescriptive date times.

Message him and ask chattily what he’s up to. If he says it much then video call him.

@Feminist10101 you can search via a date range. An educated guess would suffice.

Fancy calling your wife and kids "housemates".

Have he ever stayed over or taken you away for the night?

Also have you been introduced to anyone in his life either?

Look up his address on the electoral roll 192.com I think it is. Should list everyone who is eligible to vote. Sorry if this was previously suggested.

Have you met any of his friends or family or know anything about his family?

Does it matter though? If he's not married he's got serious problems with any kind of commitment- and I mean any kind if you see that little of him! I had one of these for years (by text, obviously I stopped seeing him pdq) and never really did get to the bottom of whether he was living with someone or not.

But he just isn't a possible for me because of the never seeing me thing as he's seriously avoidant. He still messages me though. 🤷‍♀️

FWIW he's probably not married. But likely to be living with someone.

It sounds super exciting doing the whole amateur sleuth thing but is the drama really necessary or healthy? Bottom line, you've been seeing him for a while now and yet you literally know nothing about him. If I were you I'd just put your cards on the table and tell him that the relationship has been going long enough for you to be something more in his life than you are currently. If he can't or won't change things up then something is off and you really don't need to hang around until you find out exactly what's going on. Relationships are not a court of law. You don't need proof beyond reasonable doubt to make a decision.

One thing for sure is it can't carry on this way, after a couple of months of dating you will surely have the exclusive chat if not already and make plans, not sure on his reason for not meeting weekends, even if he works he should be able to book the odd weekend off for you, stay over yours a night or two a week if he can't do that then yeah possibly cheating or doesn't want to commit.

@MarriedtoDaveGrohl

Does it matter though? If he's not married he's got serious problems with any kind of commitment- and I mean any kind if you see that little of him! I had one of these for years (by text, obviously I stopped seeing him pdq) and never really did get to the bottom of whether he was living with someone or not.

But he just isn't a possible for me because of the never seeing me thing as he's seriously avoidant. He still messages me though. 🤷‍♀️

I had one too and never found out what he was really up to. But basically, there were inconsistencies from the start, and over time there were more and more - and the excuses that worked for a few weeks didn't make sense after months. Mine still contacts me occasionally too. I think he decided I was "safe" as I ended it on good terms without confronting him about it; later on he trusted me enough to tell me a story aboout a woman breaking into his phone using his fingerprint when he was asleep and finding that he'd been seeing two women at once. Maybe that's what he was doing with me, no idea.

As MarriedtoDaveGrohl says, if you want a proper relationship, this man is not offering you one either way, so why stay with him? And if you're happy with a fling with someone who has no time for you, then it's not a big deal if it ends or not, so you might as well just confront him, say you don't believe he lives with flatmates, but if he wants to prove it then you can put up with their issues for an hour.