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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Would you call the police? Please help

80 replies

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/09/2020 22:13

my boyfriend is being mentally abusive tonight and I don't know what I should do. Im crying, I can't put up with him bullying me any more. He is nasty and narcissistic and he is ruining my life. Tonight I got dressed up for him coming home, makeup etc. Was dancing around sipping wine and flirting while he called the curry. He "cunt punted" me when i was trying to be flirty. He then commented that the woman on TV was beautiful. I tried to hug him standing up and he grappled me in a wrestling move. I am very very depressed and have been trying to be a new version of me, basically the old me who was elegant and playful and joyful. He made me feel masculine and small. I went to my room, he followed half an hour later, he made me tell him why I left. I didnt want to tell him because he fights with me and gaslights me when i do. He forced me to tell him, I told him im trying to be who I used to be and that he made me feel unwanted and rubbish with the wrestling etc. He then told me I wasn't who I used to be and I dont act like who I want to be. He tore me apart. I'm in bits. He just keeps going. What do I do im ruined and so unhappy. I feel that I'll never be me again.

OP posts:
LovingLola · 12/09/2020 23:01

You have posted previously that you have a 12 year old daughter. Was she aware of what happened? The chances are she will tell someone. Please call the police

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/09/2020 23:04

@LovingLola

You have posted previously that you have a 12 year old daughter. Was she aware of what happened? The chances are she will tell someone. Please call the police
this conveniently only happens when the only child here is our asleep 3 year old. The others have no idea this is happening. No one does, he tells everyone that I act out sometimes because of my mental health and so everyone is going to believe that I've caused the breakup when it happens and they'll never believe me that he is abusive as he doesnt come across as such. He seems so lovely but he isn't.
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 12/09/2020 23:06

They is convenient. I think you’re kidding yourself if you think your other children haven’t noticed his treatment of you.
Where is he now?

Totaldespair · 12/09/2020 23:07

What would you want your daughter to do if she was in this situation? Do that.

Embracelife · 12/09/2020 23:09

Tell your gp and mental health nurse.

Starlightstarbright1 · 12/09/2020 23:14

You need to call the police..
This will help protect youand your children in the future.

I left my abusive ex, all the reasons i couldn't leave were so less important once i left

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/09/2020 23:14

Is there anywhere I could get help or support to leave without having to go to the police? I dont know if i have the strength to fight right now i just want to be happy and alone

OP posts:
LovingLola · 12/09/2020 23:15

Women’s Aid.

Purple1314 · 12/09/2020 23:18

www.nationaldahelpline.org.uk/ or www.womensaid.org.uk/

Closetbeanmuncher · 12/09/2020 23:22

In terms of help and support leaving what is it that you need OP?

funnylittlefloozie · 12/09/2020 23:23

The police will fight for you, if you let them.

headlock · 12/09/2020 23:24

Yes, Women's aid. Get out of there with your kids and getaway from him.
Your mental health isn't going to recover with him around. He's a complete prick.

Anordinarymum · 12/09/2020 23:26

@Hopelesslydevoted0

Is there anywhere I could get help or support to leave without having to go to the police? I dont know if i have the strength to fight right now i just want to be happy and alone
This is why abusers get away with their crimes. They make the victim feel exhausted and frightened of the future. Next time he kicks you in the crotch or strangles you or jabs you with his finger or rapes you, remind yourself how tired you really are, and how scared you are.
headlock · 12/09/2020 23:27

It's scary but make the move. You will be ok in time. 💐

1forAll74 · 12/09/2020 23:36

If he has damaged you. and hurt you with this term that you have used, it is domestic abuse, so a police matter. He sounds a nasty person, is he drunk, or usually this horrible to you.?

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 12/09/2020 23:41

he does have a bit of a drinking problem. Im calmer now, have been reading through some light posts to calm my mind. Im going to save a small amount of money for my own peace of mind and then get out of here.

OP posts:
Anordinarymum · 12/09/2020 23:42

So OP You asked and we all said call the police or women's aid. What are you going to do ?

Please do something. Maybe sleep on it, have time to think, then revisit the thread tomorrow, or when he does it again ??

PurpleDaisies · 12/09/2020 23:43

He could seriously hurt you in the meantime.

Where are you planning on getting the money from?

Women’s aid can help you now.

AbsentmindedWoman · 12/09/2020 23:43

Jesus Christ. This is horrific OP, I am so sorry you are in this situation.

Please leave, for you and your children.

ktp100 · 12/09/2020 23:57

LEAVE.

HIM.

He's put you in this shitty place & ruined your self-worth. Take yourself out of it & get it back.x.

madroid · 13/09/2020 00:07

Poor you, that's an awful way to be treated. No wonder your mental health is suffering. I bet you'd feel a lot better from that point of view away from him.

Leaving (or getting him removed) would be hard OP, but you will feel so much better after a few weeks away from this horrible way of living.

I suggest you read up on domestic abuse. Find out how to spot it and what happens when it escalates.

Detach emotionally from him and see if you can stand back and watch him going the cycle of abuse - the nasty/nice cycle. It will help you see that it's not you it's him.

I think contacting Women's Aid will give you the support you need to leave.

Heartofgoldmumof2 · 13/09/2020 00:16

I’ve just looked up cunt punting. It is defined as ‘kicking a woman in the vagina to cause pain’. Yes I would call the police or woman’s aid. Please get help.

Embracelife · 13/09/2020 00:17

You won t be left alone withput him having a police record.
Let local dv orgs help you thru
You are slready minimising and deciding it wasnt so bad.
He deserves a police record.
You need it so you can access more support and protdct your dc.
Next time he will beat you harder.
Reach out for help

Hopelesslydevoted0 · 13/09/2020 00:23

I am calling womens aid in the morning. I have to do something I can't continue like this, im exhausted

OP posts:
nitsandwormsdodger · 13/09/2020 01:15

Well done you are so v brave and leaving us crucial
If you don't statistically your daughter could end up with similar taste in men

You need to tell the police he has assaulted you it's a crime and you did nothing to warrant it