Narcissistic men.

[Puppy72]

Why is it.. When you end a relationship with someone who is quite clearly a narcissistic, they have the temerity to then call YOU the narcissist.. I've just received a delightful email from my ex saying I'm a narcissistic and I have BPD and I need help... I mean, are they just so painfully deluded they believe their own disgusting lies and inflated sense of self importance, I want to laugh!

Stop communicating with him! The only way to get over a narcissist is to go no contact.

Who cares what they say and think - they are sub-humans lacking empathy and all their emotions are fake, they fake emotion by copying people.

It's projection. Classic narcissistic behaviour. And this projection is used to gaslight you into believing mistruths - another classic narcissistic behaviour. That's really all there is to it.

I'm sure you know this already, but be affirmed by the fact that you are well rid and know that you will not be able to reason with him or get him to agree that you are normal. I've been there and unfortunately have children with that ex. All I can do is draw a line in the sand and not be hooked by all the tricks thrown into the communication we HAVE to have.

@andthentherewasme what tricks does your narcissist do? I've got one that I must communicate with. Do you have any advice to survive the hell that is my life?

Where did I say I've communicated with him? Out of the blue after three months he's just emailed me.. Whilst he's got a non molestation order against him may I add. I've reported it to the police.

Too many to mention. But really hitting you with what hurts most. In my case, financial abuse, implying I'm a bad mother and trying to turn the children against me. These are my weak spots. Because money and being a good mother to my children are my greatest worries and somehow energetically he feels that and hits me with it. We are divorced and he's married to someone else but he still thinks he's my authority. Delusional. All tricks boil down to trying to suck my energy out of me.
I cannot recommend Melanie Tonia Evans enough. Look her up, she has free and paid resources (I have ended up paying because it's that good and it is extremely reasonable). She explains things so well.

Oh dont worry, my life is less grey without this stupid idiot excuse if a man. I was just interested in their delusional behaviour that's all.

OP, I didn't say you've communicated. I said I have to communicate with mine because we have children. If you don't, then good for you - 99% of the battle done.

I have to communicate with mine. He is repeatedly taking us back to court.
He is clearly showing signs of weakness and lack of control. I'm hoping that he scurried off back under his rock soon.

Yeah. Zero attention and communication.

Sorry @andthentherewasme that was directed to @NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 not you. X

@kermitsbiggestfan what does he keep taking you to court for? Contact? I'm still waiting for court papers to be served through my letterbox. Nothing as of yet. Hope its costing him thousands!!!

They do genuinely believe their lies and whatever else they can create in their own heads. They are masters of twisting everything so everyone else is at fault and not them. They are of course perfect due to their huge inflated sense of self belief.

Like another poster said, they also are great at projection. If they’re lazy, they call you lazy, if they’re jealous, they call you the jealous one.
I had to laugh at my ex calling me lazy. I definitely wasn’t lazy, it was him. He said I lacked ambition, it was HE who lacked ambition. So on and so forth. I found things he said so incredulous sometimes that I was left in a state of utter bewilderment at how on earth he made such ridiculous accusations about me until I realised he was projecting his own major character flaws.

They are such exhausting and complicated people.

@andthentherewasme, my ex is much the same, hitting the same 'weak spots' with me. I'm a lousy mother in every regard. His latest little game is constantly implying his job is in danger because of Covid. At first I would walk away from those encounters (child drop off/pick up) feeling so anxious about how that would impact my child support. Then I took a deep breath. For someone so careful with money, would he really be looking to buy a new house and going on mini breaks every 5 minutes if he was concerned about shortly losing his job? More like he is getting off on keeping me in a state of alert and anxiety. Narcissistic men can be so sneaky that even after 2 decades and the FOG finally lifted, I don't always realise I am being played until afterwards.

@MellowMelly you are so spot on. My ex absolutely exhausted me with his unbelievable behaviour, I remember during his weeks of stonewalling me, I wouldn't eat or sleep, I almost felt suicidal. It was absolutely horrific.. And they get off on that pleasure of making you suffer.. I remember things like I used to make dinner and he wouldn't eat it because I made it during a time we argued.. Would rather good food went in the bin. I stopped after a while, just let him starve himself in the end..

Grey rock

The longest i was stonewalled for was 3 solid months.. Needless to say that's when I walked. I should've just walked after a day but kept trying to keep my family together.. Realise now I was so stupid, my family is my daughter and I. I actually wouldn't care if he dropped dead after everything he's done to us

Yes @Puppy72 he wants more contact. He wants DD to live with him, even though whilst in his care he pays a childminder to look after her.

@kermitsbiggestfan utterly ridiculous. The delusion continues.

Funnily enough 'deluded' is the word is use to describe him!

I just can't believe they go about life behaving in such a way.. My ex would only take me to court to spite me. Not because he actually gives two hoots about his daughter. I want him to give up.. I'd be sad for my daughter as I know she feels abandoned but in the long run she's much much better without him x

@kermitsbiggestfan what's your ex actually like with the children x

We have very different parenting styles!!!

Ha. Mine doesn't parent at all.

Yep. That.

This thread is really heartening to read. The projection took me years to get my head around. I found it so, so hurtful at the time.