Ex and my employee

[damnthisvirusandmarriage]

I’m going out of my fucking mind. So I have a 19 year old girl who works for me. My ex husband just gleefully told me that yesterday they went for a piercing together and for a walk on the beach and possibly wild Camping. She never told me this was happening. She’s sat there and listened to me complain about him. She’s seen me cry. She knows the only reason I didn’t kill myself was coz of the kids. I feel totally stabbed in the back. I know I can’t control her behaviour. But WTAF.

She said she didn’t think it was necessary to tell me. So she didn’t. They spent time working together (for my business) and he’s her friend.

My ex is also texting my step dad to meet for a catch up.

I don’t want her to work again. I might add she has caused a lot of issues for my business and I’ve been hugely supportive in the past. She has seveetely Compromised the business several times and I’ve forgiven and supported her.

I assume you’ve got rid of her?!

I would be furious. Tread very carefully though if she is an employee. This sounds more like your ex being a twat in trying to hurt you through your staff and family.

I’ve just found out so haven’t got rid yet. I don’t know what to do. I really like her a lot. Like she’s been a little sister to me. Hugely supportive. But I just feel so stabbed in the back. Honestly. It hurts more than getting rid of my ex

Fire the little twat.

Get rid. And tell dsf he needs to pick a side..

Just be very careful that you are not being angry at the wrong person. It is very possible that he is just playing her to get at you. Talk to her about why this is such a betrayal, but again be careful that you don't cause even more grief by being in trouble for wrongful dismissal.

I know it is easily done if you are in a state but I do think you need to keep your personal life separate to your business life.

If this girl has compromised your business then I think that is the reason to get rid of her.

Going out with your ex is irrelevant and if anything I would act happy that they have found each other.

He would probably drop her like a stone if he thought it would make you happy

Why are you crying in front of your employees?

And don't sack her for this as it's not grounds for dismissal and could backfire in a tribunal or something

On the other hand your ex sounds like an utter arse so I would concentrate on being grateful that he is no longer your problem

You are going to fire her for what? Being friends with your ex -I can see a legal case. Going camping with your ex? For watching you cry and go through a break up -and not "supporting you" in your eyes. Be careful.

This sounds awful but you need more boundaries. How old are you and your ex? 19 is very young and to be telling her at work, as someone you employ that you wanted to kill yourself is really intense. Not saying she’s not been awful and your ex but you need some work boundaries and fast.

If she's been there less than 2 years can't you let her go based on poor performace compromising business without her having any comeback.

Be very careful if she has been with you more than 2 years. You cant sack her for what she does in her free time unless it's against the terms of her contract and brings the company into disrepute. Also you cant sack her for work issues that youce already agreed to get past.
You can put her on a performance management plan the next fuck up she makes and manage her out that way.

Also I'd be very surprised if any reputable piercing place takes more than one person at a time for a piercing. Most have a policy at the moment of single customers only by appointment to minimise the covid risk. Unless they have a waiting area but that sounds a bit of a rubbish activity to do as a pair if one of you is in a different room

I would (1) absolutely find a reason to immediately get rid of her (or as soon as legally possible). Due to her age she can't have worked there more than 2 years so you don't need a reason to fire her. And (2) I would keep my personal life separate from my work life, sorry. Your teenage employee should not be seeing you crying or hearing that your marriage problems make you want to kill yourself. Very unprofessional, although I understand you're upset.

Why not find some friends to confide in your own age where there isn't a professional responsibility or imbalance. Although this isn't your fault you have put your glaring vulnerability on a billboard, allowing a selfish naive teenager and your horrible ex to easily take advantage

(I do think both she and your ex sound awful though.)

Also... a piercing together... I would cringe myself inside out. You don't need that man and his mid life crisis, honestly x

Agree you should fire her for potentially ruining your business previously, but please be careful in future about letting your guard down too much in front of employees

You need to start acting like a professional and taking your business seriously. It is not ok to turn your teenage employee into your therapist. You also need to protect your business which means sacking employees who can't do the job

If she’s causing issues for your business stop supporting her and letting her get away with it.

She’s either and employee or like a family member, don’t get sucked into the lines being blurred.

If and when you let her go, ensure that you ya e followed the letter of the law so it doesn’t come back and bite you on the bum.

How’s your relationship with your step dad? If good talk to him, if bad, no great loss, cut him out along with your ex

She’s sat there and listened to me complain about him. She’s seen me cry. She knows the only reason I didn’t kill myself was coz of the kids.

This is really inappropriate in front of an employee, especially one so young.

You really need to separate business from personal.

There are two separate issues here.

If she has done things wrong in the past and those things are sufficient to justify dismissal, then tough luck - you should have done something about those things in the past. They are water under the bridge. There is no such thing as a fair dismissal for "potentially ruining a business in the past".

Then there is the issue of her friendship with your ex. She is correct - it is none of your business, she wasn't required to tell you anything about her personal life, and it has nothing at all to do with her job. The only relevant matters are whether she is currently doing her job well or not, and if not, whether you can legally dismiss her.

It is totally unprofessional of you to have involved her in your personal life. You should not be bringing your personal life to work; and honestly, you should not be pouring your heart out to an employee or expecting them to take sides.

You may have a moral point here, but that is nothing to do with proper and professional business practice. And morals are not clear cut - what one person finds acceptable, another will not. Keep your head clear at work, and confide in friends and not employees.

I think she needs to learn that you can't stay neutral in this situation. She has sided with him so she needs to go. Is this a permanent position with a contract and a monthly salary or is it more as and when? Look into the legalities and let her go. She is a spy in your camp and you need your boundaries.

He is trying to get a reaction out of you, do not give him it.

Distance yourself from employee become strictly professional and get rid of her ASAP.

Tell step dad you would rather he didn't see ex but if he must then you never want to hear of it or have him in your company.

Horrible situation, hope it passes soon.

Firstly she’s not a girl.
Secondly your personal relationship shouldn’t effect your work relationship.
You really need to set some boundaries at work.

This is a very inappropriate, dysfunctional work relationship anyway! Tread carefully with her though. You can’t sack her because she’s dating your ex.

I would hope that your stepfather would be loyal to you but there again, MN is kind of weird about exes and their relationships with family members so you’ll probably get loads of people telling you their friendship is none of your business blah blah blah.

So you've acted unprofessionally to an employee.
She may just see your relationship as work based.
She owes you zero loyalty outside fo the service she provides you during her contracted hours.

He's moved on. She's clearly capable of keeping the relationship and work separate.

Can you?

You can't fire an employee for what she does in her free time, unless it breaches company policy in some way. You have been massively unprofessional in confiding so much in your employee. Please, take a step back and take a moment to reflect rather than saying/doing anything on the bounce, or you may make things worse.