Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

woman not allowed contact with her son - do you agree?

73 replies

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 20:53

he was never allowed to live with her because social services decided she was mentally unstable. she was allowed visitation with a social worker present. during these visits she tried to feed her 2 month old son cold peas out of a tin, she held a knife to him and threw him in his pram. she got agressive when he cried and force fed him. now she's moaning cos they've stopped all contact. i have started this thread because she doesn't believe that they should have stopped the visits and i want her to see what everyone else thinks.

OP posts:

Original poster

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 21:31

is there a treatment for it?

OP posts:

Lulumama · 07/10/2007 21:33

yes, absolutely, usually as an inpatient for the short term, and there are some mother and baby units in the UK.

drug and counselling treatments are available.

i know of someone who had it, and went on to have 2 more children and was fine.

this might be a useful site.
here

pneumalifenewname · 07/10/2007 21:36

I don't think a parenting course was going to help , do you?!

Original poster

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 21:55

no but i do think they should be doing more to try and help her condition. she obviously doesn't think she has a problem but if they actually said to her look such and such is wrong with you maybe she'd find it easier to do something about it.

OP posts:

madamez · 07/10/2007 22:01

Well it certainly sounds like the mother has some quite severe mental problems (either some form of psychosis or acute depressive illness) and getting help for these problems should be the first priority once the child has been removed to a place of safety.

However, it's also possible that the father and his girlfriend are exaggerating what's happened (have you talked to the social worker/s or seen any official notifications? Are you involved in any official capacity) because they dislike the mother and want to make her out a bad person. That's the trouble with stories reported at third or fourth hand, especially when the source is someone's ex.

controlfreaky2 · 07/10/2007 22:02

its a bit hard to be sure you have the full / correct story if your info is 3rd hand and from perhaps not the most objective source na....
some people have untreatable persoality disorders.... some people have treatable mental illness but refuse to comply with treatment.....
her ds cant be put at risk as a result of her (adult) problems can he??

controlfreaky2 · 07/10/2007 22:02

{wink] madamez

madamez · 07/10/2007 22:08

I'm not advocating that SS leave a child with an adult whose behaviour is dangerously erratic. ANd it doesn't sound as though the child is still living with this woman. And I'm not having a go at the OP either - just saying that she doesn't know the full story (unless I'd misread the posts) and it's not up to her to do anything about any of it.

controlfreaky2 · 07/10/2007 22:11

i was only winking (or failing to) at you because we had posted largely similar thing madamez!

Elizabetth · 07/10/2007 22:14

"i'm not sure. i don't directly know her. only through the gf of her son's dad."

So why is this woman (the dad's gf) gossiping to you about her and why are you gossiping about her on Mumsnet?

This forum is for helping people, supporting them and offering advice, not for passing judgment on a friend of a friend (and she's not even a friend is she?).

You probably have no idea of the full story and really shouldn't be discussing her. What are you going to do - report back to the gf?

CinderellaShoeShoppe · 07/10/2007 22:21

I echo Elizabethh, I would be keen to know what your position is in this sorry saga, as I think from what you tell me, I might know this woman.

sheepgirl · 07/10/2007 22:24

Very sad post All I can add is for a child to be removed from its parents care is not easy. A social worker has to apply for either an emergency protection order or the police have powers to remove without having to go to court. To remove a child a social worker has to prove that a threshold of abuse has been met after undertaking a thorough investiagtion. There will be an expectation as part of the court proceedings that the mother undergo a psychiatric assessment to help assess the best way forward in this case. The child will be assigned a guardian ad litem whos job it is to put forward to the courts what they think will be in the child's best interest ie carers or mum.

So while you have shared some scary stuff there needs to be an understanding of the circumstances/history and any other factors to help build a pciture of this family.

TotalChaos · 07/10/2007 22:29

agree with madmamez - none of us know enough of the facts to really form a definite view, and what you have been told may not be 100% accurate anyway.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 22:30

cinderella what is the first letter of the boy's name you think i am talking about.

i started the thread because i think she should see that her ex and SS aren't the only people who think what happened in the end was right.

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 07/10/2007 22:34

and you (even though you dont actually know her) are going to print this off, show it to her and discuss it with her are you????
be prepared for her not being v grateful imo..... she may well do worse than feed you cold peas.

Elizabetth · 07/10/2007 22:37

"i started the thread because i think she should see that her ex and SS aren't the only people who think what happened in the end was right."

Are you really that naive that you aren't aware that the girlfriend might have fed you a pack of lies or at the very least a twisted and biased version of events?

I hope you keep your nose out of her business, it has nothing to do with you and it's destructive of you to try and get involved.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 22:39

no i'm not planning on showing it to her. they want her to see that other people would have done exactly the same thing as them by going to court.

OP posts:

controlfreaky2 · 07/10/2007 22:40

and this thread will achieve that how?

TotalChaos · 07/10/2007 22:40

at your reason for starting the thread. I thought you just wanted to get a shocking experience into perspective by talking it through, I think that posting on here in the hopes of her getting a virtual lynching is rather cruel.

Elizabetth · 07/10/2007 22:42

Well if you're printing out the thread tell them I think they are assholes for involving you in another woman's very private and painful business.

Obviously the social workers and the courts backed them up. How many people do they need on their side before they think they've won against this woman?

madamez · 07/10/2007 22:43

Why do they need the validation of a bunch of complete strangers on the internet? It's perfectly possible that the woman was an unfit mother and therefore SS had to intervene - it's also possible that the child's father and his new GF made up or exaggerated allegations of cruelty and neglect to win custody.

Either way, it doesn't sound like it's actually any of your business - particularly when you are not in possesion of many facts.

CinderellaShoeShoppe · 07/10/2007 22:47

If it is the woman I am thinking of, she is severly depressed, and feels totally let down by the mental health system and her battle for her son. Her story made me cry. More than once.

Whether it is her or not: You are despicable.

BarbieLovesKen · 07/10/2007 22:50

only read op. completely agree. This has really upset me. she shouldnt be allowed anywhere near him.

Original poster

nappyaddict · 07/10/2007 23:12

cinderella i don't know if it is the same person or not but have tried to stick up for her to her ex's gf even though i do not know her several times.

i don't think it is the same person though. this person can't feel let down if she refuses to help herself by turning down offers of help.

i only started this thread cos i have said to the gf many times why wasn't there more supervision, why don't they try to help her etc etc.

in one of my previous posts i put "wants her to see" the her shouldn't be there. they have no intention of showing it to her. at least i hope not.

OP posts:

Elizabetth · 07/10/2007 23:16

I think this thread should be deleted. It is a disgrace.

Flip

1 2 3