Dating someone new, don't want to rip off his clothes!

[Marshmallow26]

So I've been on 3 amazing dates with such a great guy. I literally cannot fault him, hes kind, considerate and very interested in me as a person.
After a 4 year long abusive relationship I finally took up dating and I feel great!
I really am attracted to this guy I think he's so handsome and his personality makes him twice as attractive, we laugh, cuddle kiss and genuinely love being around one another. And we spend hours together!
I just don't want to rip off his clothes!? And I repeat I'm really attracted to him.. Part of me thinks perhaps without realising I'm being cautious and I'm letting him court me but then I've never been on this position before, Ive never dated, just fallen into relationships quickly.. Those drunk nights that don't go away for years!
I'm definitley nervous and I understand there's no rush but equally I don't want to get down the line and when it comes to it I can't 🙄
Also, just to note, he's never tried it, he definitley fancies me and told me he's happy to just not jump into bed and spend time with me properly (I know.. Who is this guy 😂) he's not especially flirtatious or touchy feely in a sexual way, he's a big softy that loved cuddles and talking.. Maybe not seeing that side is making it hard to know... Any opinions welcomed!!!

He sounds lovely, and it’s a good sign that you find him so attractive!

Just enjoy it, don’t overthink it and maybe after the first time you’ll feel more like ripping his clothes off!

maybe you’re not jumping into bed because you don’t want him to knock and run

It could be that he's handsome but you just don't find him sexually attractive.
Flirting and touching fuels the attraction that maybe another reason it's lacking.

‘he's a big softy that loved cuddles and talking..’

That’s really lovely but be on the look out for a low sex drive or sexual issues. That way lies heartbreak.

I also escaped an abusive relationship. I'm starting to wonder if that changed me (well it did in many ways) so that now I don't fall for someone the way I used to. There's a heartbreaking side to that but also a really useful side benefit - being a bit more cautious and boundaried early on will really flush out the kind of behavior you want to avoid.

I’d think (from experience) not wanting to rip his clothes off but being attracted to him and him having good qualities (kind etc) is all good.
At some point you got to get in there and see what’s going on though...

3 dates is not that much, take your time, enjoy the getting to know each other, I bet sex will be lovely when it happens as you are building nice trust and intimacy. Personally Ive noticed a pattern if I am initially attracted physically like a magnet its to the 'wrong kind of guy'. Im not going for the 'want to rip your clothes off' guys anymore, in fact if I feel that pull im going to run a mile!! In any relationship Im gonna take it much slower next time. Enjoy your new love :)

He sounds great! You've only been on a few dates, don't know why you're picking out these non-existent faults! Remember your boundaries have been skewed by an abusive man. He sounds like he's respecting your space by not grabbing you sexually when you barely know each other. Why all this obsession with jumping into bed with a relative stranger, focus on getting to know him as a person especially if you've had a history of abuse!

He loves cuddles and talking , and hasn’t tried anything on . You’ve only been in 3 dates . What’s the hurry . The guys that want to jump you on the first night rarely hang around long , once they got what they want .
Seriously , wondering if he has a low sex drive ? Just enjoy spending time with and getting to know what sounds like a really nice guy . The sexual attraction may or may not come , if it doesn’t then you can reassess where you go from there . I think you are just over thinking this

3 dates with a stranger is not much! You should not put any pressure on yourself to sleep with him. Just enjoy yourself and get to know him better/continue to have fun.

Well we have been on loads more dates now and spend so much quality time together and that attraction is well and truly there now! It's was like a light switch one night of like DAMN I fancy you so much 😂😂 and it seemed to be the same with him!
He's an absolute gent I've hit the jackpot with him!
I think as someone said, every other relationship has always been based on initial sexual attraction and total lack of mental attraction that this threw me off! 😁😁

Good for you! It's really great to read a positive story on here 😊😊👍

Sounds promising and of course its OK to take it at your own pace but don’t waste his time if you have no inclination of taking it further.

I would be a little concerned, we met in neutral places a couple of times, but then I invited him to mine and we didn't make it to dessert. Perhaps he's shy? I would suggest making it obvious you are ready and see what happens

The deed is done but actually we discussed why we hadn't yet and he said he wanted to know me first and not just jump into bed with me plus he has children that were upstairs asleep the first time I went to his so that definitley factored into why we didn't!
I'm definitley in this for the long run as is he. He's very open about where he's at and how he feels so I don't have to guess what he's thinking every 5 minutes!
I'm not sure where he was sent from 😂

And now I know he definitely is not shy haha! Just wanted to do it right, something I'm not used to

Don't want to pop the happiness balloon but...seems like a bit much a bit fast op. Three dates in and you were already wondering why you hadn't slept together. 11 days later and you've already been on 'loads more dates'.

Just, be aware of what loveb bombing is op. And future faking. Because, especially when you've had abusers in the past, these sorts can tend to gravitate towards you. And they ate always lovely, in the beginning.

Maybe he is just lovely and you click. But always be on your guard for people who are too full on and lovey dovey right off the bat.

*are always lovely

I wasn't wondering why we hadn't slept together I was wondering whether the sexual attraction should be there that early on.
I also would not have slept with him after 3 dates 😂
Believe me my guard is up, everything is totally casual and I'm enjoying his company.
I have to say though, this person could not be any different to my previous relationships, he is the polar opposite of anyone I've gone for in the past.
I've also done clares law on him... I know where he lives he doesn't know where I live... I'm covering all the bases. I'm not as naive as I have been in the past and no man will ever fuck me up again! 😁

And they aren't always lovely in the beginning, I had an abusive and toxic relationship from the get go 5 years ago. My lack of confidence and feeling of being unworthy of anyone better had me stuck there for a long time.
I'm now receiving domestic abuse counselling, which keeps me on the right path and not to blow my own trumpet but I absolutley love who I am now!
I think the change in me has attracted a different kind of person and although I will always be careful and cautious, there's no way I'm letting my past ruin something that could potentially be really good for me! 😊 If anything it's made me a far better judge of someone.

I am Sorry but abusers dont sniff out vulnerable women, they dont see some otherwise invisible sign over their heads

They meet a woman. If she has strong boundaries she tells him to sling his hook and he moves on until he eventually meets some one who puts ip with him. Its no less random than that!

And i see no evidence of love bombing from anything the OP has said!

OP, you sound a bit OTT, and a bit teenagery. You're in for the long haul after this short amount of time? As you're CURRENTLY receiving counselling maybe you need to take things a bit slower.

Okay you've taken what I have said way out of context, when I say I am in it for the long haul I mean I am not looking have another pointless relationship and waste my time.
I am reciveing the counselling to ensure I do not end up in another bad relationship and place, I took up the counselling long after my ex and I split after a reccomendation from a professional saying I need to understand more.
If that's childish then I think I'll stay that way.
I see it more of being sensible and mature in covering everything so I don't spend the rest of my life miserable 😁 I'm proud of who I'm becoming.

@Marshmallow26

I think you should be proud of who you are. Look. I mean this sincerely. My sister has three kids to three dads and she's still looking for her happy ever after. If it's right then it will still be right if you slow down a bit. I recognised your username and you have two kids already, you mentioned he has kids as well. This is early days, enjoy it but honestly, you need to realise that you do sound quite immature. Particularly in the circumstances. You don't know him yet. You just don't. Thinking you do and making long term plans is ridiculous at this stage.

I also think being vulnerable definitley does attract an abuser which is why I have spent the best part of a year building myself up, starting university and losing a huge amount of weight and being strong and independent! I did all that before even contemplating meeting anyone for the exact reason of messing my life up.
I have 1 counselling session left. I've done many months of this.. Its not like I've just started 🙄
Think I've done a pretty good job!