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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Parental responsibility.. Schools

34 replies

Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 22:32

Hi Mumsnetters..
Has anyones ex partner disputed their choice of schools for DC? And if so, did you have to go through the courts?

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 09/09/2020 22:34

My best friends ex partner did as part of the court proceedings yes. She did win though and go to the school she wanted.

Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 22:52

My ex partner has unfortunately got PR for our daughter, and I know he will exercise that in the incorrect way and make my life a misery with any decisions that need his consent. I'm particularly worried about the schools admissions.. My daughter starts juniors next year and am looking to send her to the nearest primary school that also has an outstanding ofsted rating.. She lives with me full time, her father was violent and abusive towards me and towards her.hes not allowed to see her until he applies to the court. Surely they'll the court will take into account she lives with me permanently, the school is within the catchment area, and I've also raised her single handedly since say 1?

OP posts:
Love51 · 09/09/2020 22:59

The paperwork only requires one person to fill it in. He'd have to be quite organised to fuck with you by sending in duplicate paperwork stating a different school. If you think he's likely to, then once you've filled in the paperwork, call the admissions officer at the local authority and make them aware that as the resident parent you stand by what you wrote and if they get instructions to change it, please contact you. They don't ask for both parents permission, they assume the other parent either agrees or doesn't GAF. Be clear that if he changes it, you don't agree.

Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:05

My issue also is that we fled DV and he currently hasn't got a clue where we are living and what area, if I need to seek permission for a particular school he will then know what area we live in.. He can't come near us at the moment because of a non molestation order that's active until next year.. So I'm not sure how I can avoid him finding out where I am unless I make an application for a specific order issue where his PR isn't necessary for those kinds of decisions. My daughter hasn't seen him in months.. Its likely to be at least a year if he goes through the courts.. And she'll be starting juniors next September x

OP posts:
Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:07

I know he'll just disagree immediately with the choice of school to spite me.. Not because he cares about her welfare. He'll want her to go to a school near him which is ridiculous when she wouldn't have seen or lived with him for a year!!

OP posts:
SleepyMeNeedsChamomileTea · 09/09/2020 23:10

Do you have an idva who can recommend a firm for some free legal advice? Otherwise I'm sure women's aid might have huge of a situation similar? He's trying to exercise some control over you still as he has lost it all. Well done for getting yourself and your daughter away from him and best of luck

chickenortheegg · 09/09/2020 23:15

You don't need his permission or details to apply for a school place.
He could theoretically contest it but he'd need a good reason why your choice wasn't ok and why his choice was better. Since the kids don't stay with him on school nights, he has no influence really.
Leave the details for Dad blank on the school forms.

SoloMummy · 09/09/2020 23:28

@Puppy72

My ex partner has unfortunately got PR for our daughter, and I know he will exercise that in the incorrect way and make my life a misery with any decisions that need his consent. I'm particularly worried about the schools admissions.. My daughter starts juniors next year and am looking to send her to the nearest primary school that also has an outstanding ofsted rating.. She lives with me full time, her father was violent and abusive towards me and towards her.hes not allowed to see her until he applies to the court. Surely they'll the court will take into account she lives with me permanently, the school is within the catchment area, and I've also raised her single handedly since say 1?
If he goes to court, he has to show why this school cannot meet her needs. If she has no additional needs, that would be difficult to do.
MaryBear · 09/09/2020 23:29

My DD has just started High school and I didnt even bother putting exH details down.
If he wants details of her school he can bring it up in court when he goes to make arrangements to see her. With his history, I doubt they will even give his opinion too much consideration.

Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:33

@MaryBear did you not ask or need his consent? Was there not paperwork he had to sign? I was just thinking of telling them her father is estranged and we've not had contact and I don't know where he is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:35

@SoloMummy thank you. The school is down the bottom of the road we live on and I can walk her to and from there.. Its rated outstanding, its obviously within the catchment area of our address... If he didn't consent it would be purely to spite me and I hope the courts would see that.. He's never parented her in all her life, I look after her we solely.. Dragging me to court is just a big waste of time and money.

OP posts:
Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:37

@chickenortheegg if I leave the details for dad blank will they not look into it further or will just assume he's estranged?

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 09/09/2020 23:38

I didnt even put my ex on the paperwork he has bugger all to do with them most the time he didnt even know what high school DS was attending because he didnt listen when he tried to discuss it with him 🙄 asked me which school he was at via text the other day

Dad of the bloody year

slipperywhensparticus · 09/09/2020 23:39

honestly no one cares one parent needs to apply

Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:40

@slipperywhensparticus so the school didn't ask If dad had given his consent? I just know he's going to be a t*sser because how dare I leave him.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 09/09/2020 23:43

They don't ask if he's given consent. DS1s secondary school doesn't have his dads details registered as he didn't want his dad involved in his school at all.

Original poster
Puppy72 · 09/09/2020 23:46

@TheFormerPorpentinaScamander but will I not need to let him know what school I am applying for if he finds out then he could say I didn't ask for his consent?

OP posts:
slipperywhensparticus · 09/09/2020 23:57

No they know he exists because I've had other children in the school his primary said do we need dads details? (I removed them from the data collection sheet) i said he is currently homeless and claiming persecution so changing his number is his new hobby she said OK fair enough

When I applied for a school place for ds 2 they said nothing over the lack of dad detail

High school said nothing literally nothing not a raised eyebrow was given over no dad details for ds2

slipperywhensparticus · 09/09/2020 23:58

you literally don't need it because only one parent needs to apply even if your married it just give space for one parent to apply

Original poster
Puppy72 · 10/09/2020 00:06

OK.. I think in that case I'll let sleeping dogs lie..he made all sorts of threats about taking me to court for shared residencey 😂(this is a man who punched me in the face in front of our daughter and told her he hated her) but its been months and so far nothing from the courts yet.. I think if I go to ask his permission for schools admissions I'll be antagonising him to say no to the school I decided.. So if I leave the box blank they can make the assumption he's estranged and we have no contact.

OP posts:
TheFormerPorpentinaScamander · 10/09/2020 00:09

No. They wont ask for it. And if they do tell them hes estranged. I seem to remember reading once that if there is a dispute, the resident parent gets to choose. And they define resident parent as the one who claims child benefit.

BoggledBudgie · 10/09/2020 00:16

You don’t need his permission and you don’t need to inform him which school she attends

Original poster
Puppy72 · 10/09/2020 00:19

That's great, thank you everyone this has relieved a bit of pressure xx

OP posts:
pointythings · 10/09/2020 07:52

Schools definitely don't care. In fact when my abusive alcoholic H and I split up, DDs asked me to take him off the school list as a contact. School did it without blinking an eye.

MaryBear · 10/09/2020 08:19

@puppy72 no, I just put N/A on the dads part. The school won't look twice at it, there are millions of single parents out there that are not in contact with the other parent.

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