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Original poster

Dating a man in poly relationship

52 replies

Melanie1811 · 08/09/2020 19:02

So I’ve been seeing a man who has a partner and they have child together. She has a long term partner on the side. And now I’m dating him. She sees her lover twice a week And they have sex and She is sleeping with her partner (The one I’m seeing) only once a month. I am now dating him and falling so in love. He is bringing me flowers, calling me all the time, stops by to bring me lunch to work. Amazing. I want him for myself. Do you think I should end it now? Or just enjoy dating him for a while or there is a chance he might leave her? Or do I get used to being second woman? Anyone ever done this poly thing? What happened in the end ?

OP posts:
Whenwillow · 08/09/2020 20:56

Poly relationships are not for me, though I know a few poly people. To work well, you need strong communication skills, and to be genuinely polyamorous
Good luck tonight OP.

LonginesPrime · 08/09/2020 20:59

Wish me luck so he doesn’t sweet talk me...

You need luck to set your own boundaries?

MondayYogurt · 08/09/2020 21:00

Plenty of other men can text, buy flowers and bring lunch. No point getting in deep with this one.
Good luck

VesperLynne · 08/09/2020 21:02

Ok guys! He is coming in about an hour for glass of wine so I’m gonna tell him it’s the last time we are seeing each other. Wish me luck so he doesn’t sweet talk me... .................those glass of wine talks always end up in bed.

gamerchick · 08/09/2020 21:04

Condoms I hope or you're sleeping with her, the bloke she's shagging and whoever else he is.

Sounds mint Grin

Original poster
Melanie1811 · 08/09/2020 21:08

We do use condoms as well as we both got tested at the beginning of our relationship

OP posts:
Closetbeanmuncher · 08/09/2020 21:11

End it before you catch something.

Whenwillow · 08/09/2020 21:11

In my experience poly people are very scrupulous about safer sex.

AnyFucker · 08/09/2020 21:12

And have all the others he is fucking been tested too ?

Closetbeanmuncher · 08/09/2020 21:12

You don't to be having PIV to catch a host of STDs but if your thing is sloppy seconds then cool!

SoulofanAggron · 08/09/2020 21:20

sloppy seconds

Grin Grin Grin Ewwww Grin

Stay strong OP. Bin him and block him so he can't charm you. xx

BewilderedDoughnut · 10/09/2020 09:20

3.5 billion men on the planet and you choose this Baggage Clown?

WiserOlder · 10/09/2020 09:22

Recipe for pain. YOURS.

Armychefbethebest · 10/09/2020 09:30

Please op for your own sanity end this now I did this with a married couple and initially it was good I was then slowly cut off from anyone who cared we moved to a tiny village so i was extremely isolated , physically, financially and emotionally abused to the point where i had a breakdown and asked social services to take my kids on a voluntary basis whilst i got sorted out , the wife tried to get me to stay by putting her car through a wall at 70 mph the state of her in resuscitation will haunt me forever , the husband turned out to be a complete liar everything i thought i knew was a lie , i walked away 3 years ago well....ran and the first night in my new house back in my home town i slept like a baby , i got my shit tgtr and brought my children home and i dont think i will ever forgive myself for them going into care , poly relationships are dangerous territory stay clear

wishfuldreamer · 10/09/2020 09:47

What happened with your glass of wine chat, OP?

But, there's some good advice here upthread. Don't date a man who's poly, hoping it will be something else. Perhaps he and his partner are having some challenges opening their relationship, but i think that's unlikely to end with him leaving his partner for you. It's more likely to end with them closing their relationship again to try and 'save' it, if he's feeling like he can't cope with the poly thing.

Importantly, though, in the context of a poly relationship, him being sweet and saying nice things doesn't mean he wants to be with just you. He can feel and say those things to more than one person. It's kind of the point...

wishfuldreamer · 10/09/2020 09:52

oh, also, I'm not sure the poly-shaming in the latter half of this thread is really necessary...

Bunnymumy · 10/09/2020 10:29

He sounds a bit like he is lovebombing too op. I'd dump for that alone. Contact at all hours isn't cute, its creepy.

Manolin · 10/09/2020 11:09

I am a bit lost, but no need for a diagram. Thanks.

Wherearemymarbles · 10/09/2020 12:09

Maybe, slim chance granted, he is not and never has been happy with being poly and is looking for an out.

Your problem is you wont know until its to late if he is a genuinely honest decent bloke or a using slimeball!

Showandtell1 · 10/09/2020 12:11

Just why would you do this to yourself?

Deadringer · 10/09/2020 12:18

No way would i touch a man who was dipping his wick in someone else.

SandyY2K · 10/09/2020 14:28

So his partner sleeps work her lover more frequently than she sleeps with him!

Anyway... you know the set up from the beginning and you willingly got involved.

I'm just wondering what he'd say if you told him you were getting another lover 🤔

Greeneyes78 · 10/09/2020 16:19

why why why

WiserOlder · 10/09/2020 16:56

Yeh good question from sandyy2k , op, i think yyou should run for the hills, fast, but first tell him you may also have another lover. I feel ridiculous typing "another lover"!
I bet he is not happy for you

SerenityNowwwww · 10/09/2020 16:58

Eeeeee - these were called swingers back in the day.

No - I wouldn’t want to share a man.