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Original poster

De code this message please

63 replies

mydogishungry · 06/09/2020 21:31

Split up with my ex over two years ago. We got on great but he wanted a family and I already had two so we reluctantly said goodbye. He got in tow with someone almost immediately (probably met her when we were still together) and promptly had two children in very quick succession.

Once I knew he was with someone I went no contact because I was still a bit in love with him and needed to move on for my own sake.

The other day I was flicking through my phone with no specific purpose and saw a blocked message which read - how are you, would love to catch up. I do genuinely miss talking to you. I heard a word you use a lot on the radio and it made me think of you. I hope you are well. I don't know why the message came through because he was blocked.

I know this is terribly immature to even be debating this but would someone who is really happy in their new relationship write this? Does he just genuinely want to be friends? I am feeling all unsettled and it has set me back. Do I just ignore or message him a friendly reply saying I don't think I can be friends as it is not in my best interest. I have done over two years no contact and am scared to break this.

OP posts:
ArfNArf · 06/09/2020 22:48

So he split up with you, used another woman to churn out a couple of kids for him and now he's got what he wanted, he's fishing to see if you're still up for 'something?'

That's how I'd see it

louise4745 · 06/09/2020 23:00

I think he wanted to go off and use someone to have kids with then get back with you plus still have his kids. 2 babies under 2. Years be done it. Not easy.

thenightsky · 06/09/2020 23:12

2 babies in 2 years?

Ignore him.

HeddaGarbled · 06/09/2020 23:50

2 babies in 2 years with a woman he hardly knew? And now he’s sniffing round his ex. Imagine what life must be like for the mother of his children right now. He’s a shit and if you play any part in his poor behaviour towards this poor bloody woman, so are you.

AnyFucker · 07/09/2020 00:13

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

OldWomanSaysThis · 07/09/2020 00:28

Decode:

"OMG, now I see why you didn't want to have more children! it's a lot of work and it negatively impacts my sex life. Wassup?"

timeisnotaline · 07/09/2020 00:37

Those babies must be 1 and practically newborn. And he desperately wanted them... I’d think thank god i never gave in and had children with mr shit dad, poor babies.

justilou1 · 07/09/2020 00:41

He’s horny and assumes you are single and desperate.

MagMell · 07/09/2020 00:58

@ArfNArf

So he split up with you, used another woman to churn out a couple of kids for him and now he's got what he wanted, he's fishing to see if you're still up for 'something?'

That's how I'd see it

I think that’s bang on the money.
lotusbiscuit · 07/09/2020 01:01

He's not happy for whatever reason and genuinely missed you but it's still a mess you don't want to get into. You've got this far, just delete and block.

Two babies in two years, I'm surprised he has time to do anything!

Sunflower1970 · 07/09/2020 01:12

If he is prepared to message His ex when he has two very young children then they makes me think he doesn’t commit. He is bored and wants a shag!! You’ll never trust him so move on ! Plus he’ll be paying maintenance and you’d have his kids coming to stay which is what you didn’t want! avoid avoid avoid

Lookatthemshine · 07/09/2020 01:17

Let’s say he IS single - you finished with him because you didn’t want more children. If you restart your relationship it comes with two additional children and the associated responsibilities by default. Is this what you want? It’s what he wants - you and the children you said you wouldn’t have!

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/09/2020 01:17

You think he met her while you were in a relationship. Who cares if he's single? He's a shit either way.

frazzledasarock · 07/09/2020 01:20

You didn’t want DC which is why you both broke up.

Would you want to be step mother to his children and be doing the thankless drudgery of parenting with none of the nice bits then?

Because that’s where you’re headed if you reply.

He’s not looking for ‘friendship’, but then you know that.

Boireannachlaidir · 07/09/2020 01:30

@mydogishungry

I guess l would be interested if he was now single but surely he would have said that. He is a really nice guy but he was under huge pressure from his family to get married and have children. He might just be looking for friendship rather than sex but l think l would find that too difficult and what would l be gaining from it really? It's hard walking away but if he really is single then l am sure he will find a way to get back in touch. Grrrrrr exes!!!
"Really nice guy who was under pressure to have children by his family" well, he managed that no problem with two under two years Hmm now you're considering seeing him again if he's single despite the fact you've already suspected he cheated on you in the past?! Yeah he sounds like a great catch! Shit husband & father & shit boyfriend, what's not to like Confused

Split up with my ex over two years ago. We got on great but he wanted a family and I already had two so we reluctantly said goodbye. He got in tow with someone almost immediately (probably met her when we were still together) and promptly had two children in very quick successio

dollypartonscoat · 07/09/2020 01:38

What's a "blocked message"? After you were "scrolling through with no specific purpose"...Hmm

newnameforthis123 · 07/09/2020 02:03

Oh god he's so obviously hoovering old contacts - please don't either reduce yourself to living up to his expectation of being desperate to shag him. Ugh.

MsDogLady · 07/09/2020 05:46

No mention of single status, his partner, or his babies. Just sniffing around you, assuming you’ll be intrigued...Miss you...Heard your word....

Dontletitbeyou · 07/09/2020 06:04

You say you were still in love with him a bit . However you have now got used to not bring in contact and weren’t expecting to hear from him as you had blocked him .
I’d keep it that way , if you get back in touch and start communication ,your old feelings will come flooding back and you will be back to square one .
I think it’s unlikely he’s split from his current partner or surely he’d have mentioned it , or given a tiny hint .
Think he’s probably looking to get in touch, so he can test the waters with review to making you a FWB

groovergirl · 07/09/2020 06:22

He wants a shag or at least some responsibility-free time with a woman who is not the tired, put-upon mother of his two tiny children.

You've done the right thing these past two years. Keep doing it.

FredaFrogspawn · 07/09/2020 06:29

I would keep your thoughts firmly on how you would feel about this message being sent to an ex if you were his wife. Then behave accordingly. He’s being inappropriate and deceptive - I bet he didn’t tell her he was getting back in touch with an ex over their ‘word’ and how much he misses her...

laidbacklife · 07/09/2020 06:41

He is certainly not after friendship! Sounds like he is having regrets and going through ‘grass is greener’ syndrome - hankering after a past life. However his life is wholly different now and, most likely, yours too. Block him and move on. What he’s doing is not fair on you, his partner, nor his children. He needs to grow up and deal with his current situation first.

anotherdisaster · 07/09/2020 22:01

He does NOT want to be friends. Why wait 2 years. He is either single now and looking to hook up, or he's still with her and looking to hook up.

Towelrail7 · 07/09/2020 22:05

@OldWomanSaysThis

Decode:

"OMG, now I see why you didn't want to have more children! it's a lot of work and it negatively impacts my sex life. Wassup?"

This!!
Bumfuzzled · 07/09/2020 22:08

Put yourself in the shoes of that poor women he picked to churn out his required babies in record time. No matter how hard you squint at the situation, he is being a bit of a shit.