Am I in the wrong here..

[year5teacher]

Totally prepared to be told I am.. and if I am then I don’t have to be angry about it!!

DP and I have quite different interests. We have lots in common in terms of who we are and we get on great. This isn’t a big problem but it’s something he KEEPS bringing up and it’s getting to me a bit.

So he often (I would say often) wants to have conversations with me about things only he is interested in. For example, last night we watched an entire Metallica gig on tv. I really don’t like Metallica, and it was annoying because it was the only thing we watched together. During this he also wants me to be talking to him about fucking METALLICA, despite me knowing exactly 0 of their albums because it’s not my thing.

Today I have been cleaning the flat and he’s pestering me to sit down and watch.. the cricket. I don’t like cricket. It’s so boring. I come and sit down and watch it and he talks at me about cricket, which I know nothing about and therefore literally cannot contribute to the conversation other than asking him vague questions.

I also had to do work today so I went and did that and he was annoyed because he thinks I’m “dismissive” of stuff he’s interested in. I personally don’t think it’s reasonable to expect me to spend like, over an hour at a time watching something I have no interest in, and also fully engaging in it and listening to him tell me about it.

Am I being totally mad here? I don’t really get it because just chatting about stuff he’s interested in is fine and actually I do that every day. It’s just, I’m sorry but I’m not watching an entire cricket match whilst listening to him tell me about fucking cricket when I DON’T LIKE CRICKET. 😂 for over an hour!!

Also - I’ve asked him to watch plenty of films with me but he won’t because “he doesn’t like them”.

I just feel as though sometimes he doesn’t value my time and doesn’t think anything of getting annoyed at me for not wanting to spend an hour listening to him talk about something I know absolutely nothing about. 😔

I also think it’s a bit of a mixed message that you sit down to watch Metallica or cricket but you aren’t interested. It’d be best not to sit down in the first place.

DH and I have different interests so we make sure we have some time to devote to our own hobbies and some time to do things that both of us enjoy. We will share a bit but it’s a bit, eg DH is an avid mountain biker. The other day I watched a 5-mom clip of guys doing really cool tricks on bikes with him. He’d asked to share it but also realised it’d be short and fun to watch. So just draw a line somewhere.

So why do you have to endure his stuff on TV but you can't. Have you actually asked him to explain this uneven balance??? That would drive me nuts. Dh and I have different tastes in movies, he's all action etc whereas I like thrillers/psychological ones but we sit through each others choices so we can spend time together.

"I will watch cricket after you've watched x episodes of y with me"

And stick to it!

Cricket urgh!!! I don't like watching any sports DH does 🤷🏽‍♀️ we compromise on what's on the TV.

Why don't you refuse? There must be a reason. Why is it?

He sounds like a selfish bore.

@TorkTorkBam it feels mean to straight up refuse every time, also yesterday he said we would only watch a bit of the Metallica thing and then every time I asked to change it he said “after this song”. And then I just fell asleep.

Also if I refused he would just skip straight to saying I’m closed minded and won’t try anything new etc. It’s just hard because I feel I get so little time to myself and to spend with him and I don’t want to spend it doing something so one sided.

[quote year5teacher]@TorkTorkBam it feels mean to straight up refuse every time, also yesterday he said we would only watch a bit of the Metallica thing and then every time I asked to change it he said “after this song”. And then I just fell asleep.[/quote]
But he does it to you though does he care about being a bit mean?

You're being a bit wet OP. Get the bugger told that it's a 2 way street with shit.

Husband likes all that reality crap, chick flicks and stand up comedy. They bore me silly and I like proper pulling off heads blood and guts horror. He's not keen.

We compromise, find something neutral and each watch our boring to each other shit separately.

But he's closed minded and won't try what you like...

@year5teacher

Also if I refused he would just skip straight to saying I’m closed minded and won’t try anything new etc. It’s just hard because I feel I get so little time to myself and to spend with him and I don’t want to spend it doing something so one sided.

So?

A man can be allowed to be in a grump with a woman. The woman does not have to fix his mood!

His grump is his problem not your problem until you make it your problem.

He gets the hump anyway! You could have had a mardy man but also a Metallica-free hour doing whatever the hell you want. What you got was a mardy man AND loads of blimming Metallica. Lose-lose.

That was making me feel annoyed reading your OP! Do you say yourself he talks at you, not to or with you; he expects you to watch and discuss things you're not into at all such as cricket & Metallica; he won't reciprocate and do t

Posted too soon!

He won't reciprocate and do the same in return for you AND he calls you closed minded?! You really are not in the wrong here OP. I'd be having strong words about his hypocrisy!

@gamerchick thanks for calling me wet I just don’t really feel like having a massive conversation with him about it the night before my first full week of teaching, which is why I posted here instead.

I will have a conversation with him about it tomorrow.

What you got was a mardy man AND loads of blimming Metallica. Lose-lose.

😂 this is so true. And made me laugh!

Golly Gee MaryAnn am I the only one here who is going to suggest that your DH quite possibly has autism or is otherwise on the spectrum? He is displaying classic behaviours of mild autism.

He shouldn’t be pushing for you to do these things.

DH and I enjoy things together but also apart. He wouldn’t expect me to watch a sport he enjoys and I wouldn’t expect him to sit through a period drama.

Your DH needs to grow up a bit and realise not everyone likes the same things.

That’s interesting, but he’s absolutely, definitely not autistic.

My ex boyfriend was autistic and I have worked with lots and lots of autistic children and young people - he doesn’t show any of the signs - other than this, which I don’t think is enough to diagnose anyone.

Can you not make a deal - "Sure I'll watch the cricket, are you going to promise to watch Strictly with me on Saturday?" And see what he says? DH watches things that he chooses, but equally will watch things I like too and he is not so keen on. It's just a bit of give and take - but if he only ever watches his interests and not yours it's not particularly nice. I'd find something else to do!

You are doing the woman thing of thinking everything has to be A Big Conversation.

It doesn't.

Next time he asks you to do something you don't want to do, you will say no and stick to that no. That is it. That is all. Which is EXACTLY what he does. Do that. Is he sitting you down for heart to heart about how he feels about saying no to watching Strictly. No he isn't. That is not the expectation.

Deal with him like a mardy teenager who will argue that the sun is the moon and you are the world's biggest meanie for not letting him have an 18 rated game. "Look, I am not watching the cricket and that's that." And "I didn't ask for psychoanalysis. I told you I don't like Metallica so I will do something else if that's what you are watching." And of course the straightforward refusal to respond beyond an eye roll or eyebrow raise if they keep droning on - you said your bit, there's nothing else to say.

Like with a teenager, don't legitimise accusations with refutation. "Please don't speak to me like that." Or plain old response to "you are the meanest person in mean town and are probably mad in the head and everyone knows you are mean and and and..." in deadpan voice with barely a glance "I still don't like Metallica, drop it." Same as it would be "It is an 18 and you are 14, no."

Your user name suggests you are a teacher. You know how to say no, mean no, have a steely glare, and shut silly nonsense down, right? Do that.

Nothing helpful to say but you’ve got to listen to Dreadlock Holiday by 10CC!

We have different interests, we’re both allocated ten minutes per day to talk about whatever the other person dislikes. We aren’t allowed to bank the ten minutes to use another day etc. I have also been banned from saving my ten minutes until bedtime.

DH and I have our own rooms and our own TVs so can watch whatever we want.

I actually love Metallica and Cricket 😊

DH actually says "I know you're not interested but..." 😂

Actually I don't mind him telling me about his running and random hobbies, I can even tolerate Footie on TV whilst on MN on my phone. However your DH attitude stinks!

[quote year5teacher]@gamerchick thanks for calling me wet I just don’t really feel like having a massive conversation with him about it the night before my first full week of teaching, which is why I posted here instead.

I will have a conversation with him about it tomorrow.[/quote]
Gamerchick didn't call you wet, she's not like that! She said you were being a bit wet!

...probably (understandably) you're not at your best going back to work tomorrow ( I bloody well wouldn't be if I was a teacher. I went back to work last week, I work with teenagers, but not in large numbers, and that's bad enough!!) So. with apologising to him fur being dismissive you are coming across as being a bit wet right now.

Anyway, he’s just someone to whom it’s really important to share his interests with his partner in a deep way

Share HIS interests, but not theirs?!

And no one shares Metallica & cricket in a 'deep' way! FGS it's nit a discussion about the meaning of life.

If he wanted someone who shares his (dreadful) taste in 'music' & his love of cricket, he should have found someone who did, not be trying to forcibly convert you or bore you to death!

He won't watch the movies you enjoy because they're not his thing... so, ask him to watch something you know he won't (listen carefully to what & how he replies then next time he's trying to force you to sit and watch his paint dry mimic his reply until it sinks in!!!

He's trying to make you do something for him that he's not prepared to do for you...

Fuck that shit!!!

I can't see the point in discussing this with him again tomorrow, it's got you precisely nowhere in the past!!

Good luck at school tomorrow!