*NC because DH is on here.
I'm married to a lovely man, great dad. Things could be worse, so much worse and I know that. I also know the grass isn't always greener on the other side, I like my grass and want to keep it green. However, I'm losing my mind.
Has anyone else's feelings towards their husband changed dramatically since you had kids?
DS is almost one. We tried SO hard to have him, multiple ivf's. He's the best little human we could've wished for.
I think being on maternity leave then furlough, being at home every single day has made me see things much differently.
DH is so selfish. So, so selfish
Examples:
Finances - wouldn't agree to a joint account, earns a substantial wage in comparison with my maternity pay (prior to being a mum I worked full time with a good wage) left me to still pay the mortgage and council tax leaving me with next to nothing every month. Made me feel so low having to ask for help. (He did help when asked, but if we had joint finances things would be equal)
Bought himself countless items (games, tech thingys, etc) I have holes in my jeans.
He inherited money from his dad for "our family" he paid off his credit card (was a fair few grand) whilst leaving me struggling, never offered to help because I only have a small credit card bill compared to him.
I recently had to take a covid test, thankfully negative. I was SO sick, haven't been like that for a long time. He told me how inconvenient it was that he had to take time off work (he was paid in full) I had no help with the baby and when my test came back negative he treated me as though I wasn't sick, I just needed a hug or basically help. I shouldn't be made to feel guilty for being sick.
We've spoke about how I feel time and time again, he says sorry and gets upset and tells me he loves me and then will do a very out of character grand gesture, but I feel they're done for his benefit not mine, but then I also think I'm
taking it wrong and he had good intentions?
Example:
We don't have sex anymore, probably twice a month if that (more recently not at all) But on the rare occasion we did have sex a few months ago I got pregnant, naturally (needed so much fertility treatment to have DS, DH has male factor fertility issues) this wasnt ideal but gave us some happiness
Unfortunately I miscarried, DH booked a hotel for a week later to "make me feel special" he asked me to buy nice underwear (he's NEVER done this) I was still bleeding from miscarriage and to be frank, i felt like absolute shite.
He then booked an expensive meal last week (he knew I had no means to contribute) and commented "I've just spent £70 on a meal, am I getting lucky tonight?" Again even that language is out of character.
I've told him I want to split up, I don't know how to make it better. He flat out told me "I can't change because I do stupid things and I'll always do stupid things"
Is marriage supposed to be like this? I'm 27 and I feel so worthless and like my life is just over. I'm starting university, I'm going to be a nurse so I have a future. I just feel like this isn't the relationship I imagined I'd have.
I don't expect to be wined and dined constantly but the man has watched me struggle whilst spending hundreds on retro gaming stuff while I can't even afford clothes. Everything about me comes last to him, I cant do it anymore.
I've had a hard few months (like we all have) I just can't do this I feel so depressed, every day I feel like just leaving and never coming back.
I don't know why I'm posting. I need to vent or something or just need help I don't know.