Should I be taking Child maintenance from my ex husband when he has no access to child?

[Fightingback16]

Is it morally wrong for me to be getting child maintenance from my stbex for his child that I stopped him having access too? He could have applied to court for access but hasn’t in 9 months. He can afford to but just hasn’t.

He was abusive and I stopped contact on the advice of SS and others. It took many months to finally get CM from him so went through the service but now I’m not sure it’s right I get it...is it?

[MyCatHatesEverybody]

If SS have advised contact should be stopped then it's not your decision or responsibility that he can't see his child so there's nothing morally wrong about you pursuing and accepting child maintenance payments.

[RantAndDec]

As others have said, yes you should take the money.
I felt like this about my DC's father, until someone pointed out to me that this was just a continuation of the dynamic we'd had in our relationship- he behaved badly, and somehow I'd always end up feeling sorry for him and absolving him of responsibility /guilt. Not saying that's the case for you, but am mentioning it in case, because that realisation has been very liberating for me.

[Fightingback16]

Yes that very much was the dynamic of our relationship and it’s hard to break those ties. I can hear him now saying I’m paying for her so that’s means I love her and it makes me wonder if I’m just being a morally bad person. He also when he saw her before contact stopped bought her loads of gifts and babbled on about how she was her princess but did bugger all of the real stuff. My idea of love has been twisted. He could easily pay to go to court which he says he can’t when he pays all that money on alcohol a month. I think he wants the love and adoration from her but not the actual hard work of raising her.