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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Husbands odd behaviour.

47 replies

M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 21:53

My husband always stares at our female neighbour. He talks to her husband. They are quite similar and share similar interests. The thing they don’t share is a similar age. My husband is much older (fit and slim looking also considered handsome by many women)and her husband is in his 30’s, not so fit and slim looking, although handsome.
The female neighbour also in her 30’s is much fatter than me and doesn’t bother too much with her appearance, is intelligent and has the same professional job that I had previously before retiring. Hubby always tries to engage her in conversation if she’s in the garden even if it’s obvious that she is very busy. One night he talked to her solidly for over an hour - nothing wrong in friendly neighbourhood chat. However, today he did not notice that I had come out of the house - he was standing looking over at her (she either didn’t see him or was ignoring him) he had this silly grin on his face and was saying to himself out loud, “oh she doesn’t see me!” and then mouthed sort of kissing sounds to try and alert her to his presence! When he realised I was there he said,”Just being neighbourly!” WTF?

OP posts:
Notapheasantplucker · 31/08/2020 21:56

Ew what a slimeball.

Sounds like he's eyeing her up, but she's not interested?

Notapheasantplucker · 31/08/2020 21:58

I'd probably have to say something to him, but if you don't, just keep a beady eye on him.

Nosebogey · 31/08/2020 21:58

Your poor neighbour.

Thisisnotnormal69 · 31/08/2020 21:59

Gross. Poor neighbour.

scotsllb · 31/08/2020 22:02

God that's so creepy! I feel really sorry for you. What are you going to do?

M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 22:05

Yes, exactly what I thought folks! Thank you for confirming. There have been loads of other things over our years together that have really put me off and you know I could leave him but I would miss his friends, family and also where we live.
I am also so scared of developing dementia, runs in the family, and what would I do living in my own. If this happened I would be very vulnerable.
However, if I stay then I fear he wouldn’t look after me or my interests properly if I became ill.

OP posts:
EatDessertFirst · 31/08/2020 22:05

Ugh what a creep! Your poor neighbour being leered at while in her own garden. Grim.

M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 22:10

Yes, I do feel sorry for her and embarrassed for her. Sorry for me too.
☹️

OP posts:
SoulofanAggron · 31/08/2020 22:11

Urgh! You'd be ok without him OP. If you were to get ill his focus wouldn't be as fully on you as it should be. x

copperoliver · 31/08/2020 22:18

Mid life crisis maybe. X

NextOnesaGreyGoose · 31/08/2020 22:20

It sounds like your husband is in the region of 30 years older than this woman? Is that about correct?

YoBeaches · 31/08/2020 22:20

Ewe. Gross. Nobody wants to be around slimey old blokes.

Oldbagface · 31/08/2020 22:21

That's grim. My DH talks to our NDN. Both the husband and wife. He gets on well with her and they do eachother nice favours. DH will help her with practical and gardening tasks, she will send gorgeous food over to us.

I don't have a problem at all. It's normal. I'm so sorry but your dp is an oddball Perv.

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2020 22:24

...he was standing looking over at her (she either didn’t see him or was ignoring him) he had this silly grin on his face and was saying to himself out loud, “oh she doesn’t see me!” and then mouthed sort of kissing sounds to try and alert her to his presence!

That is grim. I don't think I could stand for that, honestly. Predatory and beyond creepy.

M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 22:26

@NextOnesaGreyGoose
No, he’s much more than 30 yrs older. 😳

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2020 22:26

What have you said to him about this?

CultOfWax · 31/08/2020 22:28

Is he developing dementia because that's seriously odd behaviour.

If his behaviour has not been caused by some kind of illness, then he's a creepy slimy old man and is probably in danger of getting reported to the police or a punch in the face off her husband.

M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 22:28

I haven’t said anything because any time in the past when I have confronted him over something similar re other women he turns it all round on me as if it’s my fault and I’m imagining things - but I’m not. I see what I see and have a very balanced view of things.

OP posts:
M0mmzee · 31/08/2020 22:30

@CultOfWax
Dementia did occur to me. He often says inappropriate things of late, forgets things and spatial awareness is off.

OP posts:
Oldbagface · 31/08/2020 22:31

Then he's gaslighting you OP. Make your choice. Live like this until the end or bin bag him

HollowTalk · 31/08/2020 22:33

Have you told him what a creep he is?

And how much older is he?

BlogTheBlogger · 31/08/2020 22:35

You want to stay with him in case you develop dementia and then he will have to care for you? I have never heard of that reason to stay in a marriage... You live and learn on MN don't you

NearlyGranny · 31/08/2020 22:36

He's a pest! Your poor neighbour. Send him to his GP for starters. It sounds as if he's becoming disinhibited. My stepfather had dementia and it first showed in inappropriate remarks, touching and leering at women in the family. It was a nightmare keeping him respectable!

Aquamarine1029 · 31/08/2020 22:36

I haven’t said anything because any time in the past when I have confronted him over something similar re other women he turns it all round on me as if it’s my fault and I’m imagining things - but I’m not.

So he has a history of this. Going back how long?

Oldbagface · 31/08/2020 22:38

Wet perceptive @Aquamarine1029 Daffodil