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Original poster

I've been ghosted and it hurts

44 replies

Greycurtiansarenaff · 31/08/2020 15:19

Met a guy online at the start of lockdown and we would spend hours each night talking and getting to know each other.
We eventually met up in may I spent the weekend with him and we slept together. All was going well dates me staying over at his etc, then 2 weeks ago out of the blue he stopped responding to my texts and calls.

We'd never had a crossed word and the previous week I'd stayed over and we spoke about moving onto the next stage, meaning being formal partners all his idea no pressure from me, as from the very beginning we both agreed to take things slow.

Now I feel like a complete fool and have been sobbing on and off for 2 weeks
it definitely wasn't love I know that, but i had started to develop strong feelings for him and was very comfortable around him as he was me.
Previously I'd been single for 6 years and have never met anyone who I really liked as much as him nor anyone I wanted to pursue anything other than a physical relationship with.

He hasn't blocked me on WhatsApp or any social media sites and I stupidly drunk text him saying i miss him, which he read 2 days later and has obviously ignored.
I just don't know what to do, I've gone from being angry to really hurt I know I should block and delete him but I want to say something to him however i know it won't make a difference
I want to know why, in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation about what we were planning for the next week together do you just suddenly realise you don't want that person anymore?

OP posts:
keepingbees · 31/08/2020 15:35

I don't know why people do this, it's horrible. My guess is you probably weren't the only person he was speaking to or seeing and he's chosen to pursue someone else. Why they string you along and say all the right things though I don't know.
It's very hurtful but try and see it as a lucky escape. He's shown his true colours, he's a coward and not who you thought he was so he's done you a favour. Honestly block and delete him for your own peace of mind and so he can't come crawling back full of excuses down the line.

AssignedFuckerAtBirth · 31/08/2020 15:35

That is Shit. The only consolation is at least you found out what he is like sooner rather than later.
He is a fucking coward and doesn't deserve any more responses.....please delete and block him and don't send him any more messages.
I know how hard it is OP as I have been trying OLD for the past few months and honestly it has made despair at times. I feel like I am disposable as soon as the next person comes along that takes their fancy. I have resolved to set my bar a lot higher and have non negotiable boundaries if I ever find anyone decent. Goodluck

MondeoFan · 31/08/2020 15:53

It is hurtful especially when you've put a lot of effort into it.
I'd be fuming if it was me. Doesn't even have the gall to say to you "sorry but I've changed my mind" or whatever.

Original poster
Greycurtiansarenaff · 31/08/2020 15:56

It really is awful and I didn't think that he was the type of person to do this. We have both been very straight forward about what we wanted and both of us very vocal when we didn't like something the other was doing, so this really is like a shock to the system

OP posts:
KitchenRollHuggers · 31/08/2020 15:57

Dont understand why people do this

AnaViaSalamanca · 31/08/2020 16:04

I am so sorry OP, no amount of words can ease your pain. I was ghosted out of the blue when I was in university (many years ago now) and it was the most painful experience I ever had. It affected me long term and I always expected it in the next relationship, was not able to trust and lower my guard for ages in new relationships and always expected it to hit me again out of nowhere. It was so traumatic that I ended up getting therapy. That helped.

All I can tell you is that it's not about you, but it points to an extremely disturbed psyche. It helps to think of it as some accident that happened to you, maybe you got hit by a bus

wizzbangfizz · 31/08/2020 16:11

Horrible thing for you Thanks better luck with finding someone with some common basic decency

Original poster
Greycurtiansarenaff · 31/08/2020 16:18

@AnaViaSalamanca Thank you, I know its nothing to do with me and definitely shows his true colours, it's just the not knowing that hurts.
I would have preferred if he just said piss off then blocked me, but to just be sitting back and looking at what I'm doing is damn right nasty.

I could move on easier if it had been one or two dates, but months of speaking and sleeping in each others beds, he'd even met my dcs and that is something I have never done before with anyone that I've met in the whole time I've been single.

OP posts:
KurtansCurtains · 31/08/2020 16:26

It's absolutely shit. The only advice I can give you is to take your power back and block him.

I think people who ghost do it so they don't have to face up to a difficult conversation and as there's no real ending, they can worm their way back in a later date if they feel like it. I'm speaking from experience. I wish I'd blocked the guy who ghosted me, but seven months later he text me apologising and we picked up where we'd left off. Only for him to do it again six months down the line. I can't tell you how much I wish I'd blocked him the first time. Don't keep him on your phone hoping for closure, give it to yourself by blocking him and deleting him from your contacts.

cravingthelook · 31/08/2020 16:26

He's a nasty coward. I met one of them recently too. He didn't ghost, but after discussing the future wanting the same, (before I slept with him) after he decided he wasn't ready to date. It stings, I wish I could get angry enough. They know what they are doing.

AnaViaSalamanca · 31/08/2020 16:28

Like @KurtansCurtains says, block him, delete his number, and remember the pain he caused you. They always come back.

WiserOlder · 31/08/2020 16:31

I really feel for you. Been there.

People can portray any image they like online, quite easily. They can hide their avoidance and they can hide the fact that although they like you, they have five more like you on the go. I know it's old fashioned but now I wish I had been far less trusting. I took men at face value as well. Because I don't construct a whole fake persona with the intention of duping people!! I didn't expect that from men/dates/
Make sure they are prepared to meet you knowing that you won't sleep them for at least 6 dates. There is such an expectation on women to sleep with somebody almost immediately. Make them wait so you can see if they're interested in YOU or interested in sex.

Original poster
Greycurtiansarenaff · 31/08/2020 16:55

@WiserOlder we'd been speaking for 2 months and had met up 3 times before I chose to sleep with him, so I definitely don't feel like it was about sex as there was no overly sexual conversations and thats what liked about him.
Usually after meeting someone online they ask for pictures, there was nothing. He was completely respectful and what I viewed to be honest.
I'd met some of his friends and family, heard conversations between him and his ex (dcs mum)
So I had no reason to believe that he was lying or seeing anyone else and I do have trust issues but this was so easy going i felt so at ease and didn't feel the need to watch his social media or always be checking his online status.

OP posts:
DaisiesBerries · 31/08/2020 18:28

I've had this before, OP. I'm steadily becoming more and more cautious with dating/men in general.

I know it hurts, but think about anything you didn't quite like about him and focus on those. He's definitely not as great as you thought he was, that's for sure.

It gets better. Promise. Flowers

anotherdisaster · 31/08/2020 18:43

I also agree you should block him. There is a chance he will re-appear later on with some feeble excuse and hope to win you back. You would never be able to trust someone again after doing that. It really is the cowards way out. I know some people just can't stand the thought of hurting someone, so try to just run away but this really is worse!
I mean, why hasn't he blocked you if he is so sure its over? Because he wants to leave the door open, that's why.
Take back that power, block him and delete him from all social media.

chickymoo · 31/08/2020 18:43

Big girl pants and delete the number.
Job done.

sammylady37 · 31/08/2020 18:45

In my experience, ghosters always come back, or try to. So, take away that power. Block him and move on. He’s shown you how spineless and cowardly he is.

MarshaBradyo · 31/08/2020 18:46

That is so tough. Horrible thing to do to someone.

CrazyToast · 31/08/2020 19:59

OMG this happened to me, talked every day for months, took it slow when we met to make sure it was right, had wonderful meetings, then ghosted. It's weak and dispicable. But it really hurts.

Sally2791 · 31/08/2020 20:05

Disgusting behaviour, but it seems so common now. I guess because no one sees them doing it, and they can make up whatever story they want to themselves or their friends. Better luck next time, and don’t let this one come back with any crap excuses.

3caratdiamond · 31/08/2020 20:17

Ghosting is a part of modern dating unfortunately. The platform gives the hot guys any easy route to F and chuck. Pick your head up and move on to the next hot guy.

Teedeepie · 31/08/2020 20:37

Oh OP I know it hurts as a lot of us have been there. And glad you know that it is everything to do with him as a person and not you. I would agree with others who say block and delete. You will never get the explanation or apology you deserve so the only way to gain closure is to take it for yourself.

Do not give him the opportunity to come crawling back and do it again. They always do!!!!!

Unfortunately it happens a lot in the world of online dating and you cannot preempt it. Good luck Flowers

itsstillsummer · 31/08/2020 21:12

My ghosted has reappeared after 2 years no contact. He was blocked but for some reason my new phone kept the message. Fortunately l have moved on so ignoring it will not be a problem but it goes to show that they nearly always reappear. I would delete and block but if you need to let off steam before doing that then call him out on his crappy behaviour. Just don't wait around for an answer. Say your piece then delete and move on. I have often regretted making it so comfortable for people to treat me badly so give him what for and then be done.

timetest · 31/08/2020 21:17

To just disappear is a cowards way out of things. He wasn’t who you thought he was. Delete his messages, block and move on.

Notmyrealname855 · 31/08/2020 21:24

It is shit.... and he is shit. He’s managed to seem a decent person for a certain length of time, but no good person ghosts like that. You wouldn’t I bet! So why would he? Because he was a shit cleverly disguising himself as a gent :) he wasn’t what you thought he was.... grieve the guy you thought he was, be kind to yourself, know it happens to all of us, and one day move on to better things. You obviously brought out the best in him!