I've been ghosted and it hurts

[Greycurtiansarenaff]

Met a guy online at the start of lockdown and we would spend hours each night talking and getting to know each other.
We eventually met up in may I spent the weekend with him and we slept together. All was going well dates me staying over at his etc, then 2 weeks ago out of the blue he stopped responding to my texts and calls.

We'd never had a crossed word and the previous week I'd stayed over and we spoke about moving onto the next stage, meaning being formal partners all his idea no pressure from me, as from the very beginning we both agreed to take things slow.

Now I feel like a complete fool and have been sobbing on and off for 2 weeks
it definitely wasn't love I know that, but i had started to develop strong feelings for him and was very comfortable around him as he was me.
Previously I'd been single for 6 years and have never met anyone who I really liked as much as him nor anyone I wanted to pursue anything other than a physical relationship with.

He hasn't blocked me on WhatsApp or any social media sites and I stupidly drunk text him saying i miss him, which he read 2 days later and has obviously ignored.
I just don't know what to do, I've gone from being angry to really hurt I know I should block and delete him but I want to say something to him however i know it won't make a difference
I want to know why, in the middle of a perfectly normal conversation about what we were planning for the next week together do you just suddenly realise you don't want that person anymore?

What a shock. I’d be very upset too. I’d have to tell him exactly what I thought then block & delete.

When you’re feeling better, pick yourself up, dust off and do some nice things for yourself. It’s his loss, the spineless prick.

Thats horrible I'm so sorry. It happened to me years ago not long before my husband and I started dating- I was seeing a guy for almost 10 months, I'd introduced him to my daughter after 6 months (as a friend but it was still a big deal to me), we'd met each others families etc. I thought things were going great. Then one morning he stopped texting mid conversation and I never heard from him again. I even went to his house to check he was okay, his car was outside and I saw the curtains twitch but he wouldn't come out. I wrote cunt on his front door in sharpie - not very mature but it made me feel better. After a week I blocked him on everything and deleted his number and it does help, even though its a hard thing to do. Hope the pain passes and you find someone much better

Oh I'm sorry OP.

Ghosters are just shitty dickless cowards, nothing more and nothing less. You'll eventually come to see that you've dodged a bullet but I know it sucks in the meantime.

In my experience they’ll be someone else. He’ll either have decided to try again with his ex or else they’ll be another woman somewhere.

I messaged him and told him what I thought of him, I couldn't take it anymore as it had been playing on my mind for days and I felt like I was being too nice to a guy that has basically shit on me.
Its doubtful I will get a response and tbh I'm not waiting for one, but it felt better to let it out.

@justanotherneighinparadise Its funny you should say that I just remembered the last time I stayed with him, which was the week before he ghosted we were talking about our exes as mine is being a real shit at the moment and he did mention his ds mum had split from her partner and I know they do have a good relationship, so who knows!

I'm definitely better off out of it, but gutted none the less he obviously wasn't who I thought he was

I've worked too hard on myself after splitting with dcs dad who was and still is a total narc, to let this man get me down.

@Greycurtiansarenaff I feel your pain. This is perhaps happening to me, not heard back from a guy I was seeing for a couple of months. Having said that, he's still getting divorced and looks like it's a bit of a mess. If I'm feeling charitable I'm not sure he was ready for a relationship and might want space. Should say though, because not communicating sucks.

He's a cowardly wanker who doesn't respect women but has perfected the show of seeming to until he gets what he wants, sex. Scum.

I think after all that time I’d go to his house and make him tell me why. Why should he avoid it, the cowardly shitbag

@Sharpandshineyteeth That's exactly what I feel like doing, but I feel like its stalkerish and would definitely make me look crazy, so he feels like he's had a lucky escape and not the other way around.
If it was in my younger days I probably would have thrown a brick through his window with shit on it

I totally get why you feel cross but actually you should be feeling glad that he didn't take too long to show you that he's got a poor moral compass and is a coward. You want and deserve better. He's shown you his true colour, they're not good and you need to move on to pastures new. You will find a much better partner in the future. When someone ghosts you it is much more about them than you.

Totally appreciate why you're upset - it's understandable.

BUT

Met a guy online at the start of lockdown and we would spend hours each night talking and getting to know each other.

Don't. Do. This. In. Future.

Hopefully you just did because of lockdown but really don't invest so much emotionally early, especially before even meeting?!

It sets a precedent of intimacy that isn't real. That inevitably is too much to live up to.

He's a dick to ghost you but do learn from this.

This happened to me almost three years ago now and it still hurts. I met an amazing man online. He was absolutely ideal for me on every level. He love bombed me and we went on fantastic dates, he was very open about his life and shares pictures of his son and talked about his work. We constantly texted all day every day. I was a smitten kitten. I had fallen deeply in love and he said the same. This giddy falling for each other hard went on for bout five months. Then we spent Xmas Eve together and on saying goodbye he wrapped my scarf around me, kissed my forehead and told me to text him the second I got home safe. That was the last time I ever saw him. I don't know why people do this but it's incredibly immature and hurtful. I still feel angry about it. It's the lack of closure. I agree with the blocking. It stops you staring at your phone waiting for it to ring.

@Greycurtiansarenaff

I messaged him and told him what I thought of him, I couldn't take it anymore as it had been playing on my mind for days and I felt like I was being too nice to a guy that has basically shit on me. Its doubtful I will get a response and tbh I'm not waiting for one, but it felt better to let it out.

@justanotherneighinparadise Its funny you should say that I just remembered the last time I stayed with him, which was the week before he ghosted we were talking about our exes as mine is being a real shit at the moment and he did mention his ds mum had split from her partner and I know they do have a good relationship, so who knows!

I'm definitely better off out of it, but gutted none the less he obviously wasn't who I thought he was

I've worked too hard on myself after splitting with dcs dad who was and still is a total narc, to let this man get me down.

I think you have your answer OP. He has made himself single alongside his ex.

I suspect he did care for you an awful lot but in my experience if there are still feelings for the ex, particularly if they have children together, then that relationship is always going to be prioritised.

Hi OP, definitely do NOT go to his house or contact him again. You may be angry but he's not going to give you a truthful explanation anyway.
I will put money on it that he;s back with the ex and wants to hide you away now so she doesn't know about you. Hence why he's disappeared and hoping you will too.
He really isn't worth your time and energy because he's not a good person.

Sadly people lie or get carried away with the first enjoyable part of getting to know someone. A few meetings later and they realise it's not for them. I suspect he was getting to know lots on women with an aim to meeting up and sleeping together, then moving on to the next one. Sorry. Some people are just deceptive users.

We was seeing each other twice a week since may and I have met his ex although very briefly so she knew about me, as he introduced me as his gf.
Normally I wouldn't spend so much time on the phone getting to know someone, but obviously due to the lockdown those were special circumstances and I didn't get too attached just from us talking, it was definitely after we met

It's all just confusing and as most of you have said he was more than likely speaking to other women.

I worked with an Argentinian girl in Spain who every August went back to her country for a month. Her ex would dump whoever he was with in the hope that she would get back together with him. She wanted nothing with him but he never lost hope. While I worked with her he dumped 5 women who thought they were in a serious relationship with him and that he had feelings for them. He may have had, but when my colleague was around he swiftly forgot them!

Ghosting is horrible and done by cowards who don't have the manners/guts/wherewithall to say that x y or z is happening/wrong etc so they just ignore and ignore.

You deserve better. Someone who is able to say what they want/don't want rather than be so emotionally stunted as to just say nothing and ignore.

Best wishes