Not coping well today.

[Weetabixandcrumpets]

I have no idea what is wrong with me today, but I can't stop crying.
Potted history...left stbx around 18 months ago. 50% custody of our (early) teen DS. It was the right decision, he was very, very controlling, drinks too much, terrible with money, stalked me, and I have recently found out, tried it on with a good friend (and I have no doubt, countless others).
Just dropped DS back , and I cried all the way home.
I miss my old life. I have to work so hard now, my car is knackered, nobody has any money, and my head hurts.
I don't want STBX back, although I have loads of guilt about breaking up our family. I don't know what I want. Just moaning really. Can I have a hug?

Big hugs, OP.

It sounds like you are traumatised from what you went through with your stbx. You did really well to get away. You didn't break up your family - your stbx treated you incredibly badly and made family life impossible. You've given your DS the possibility of a healthy relationship model now, as opposed to staying in an abusive relationship, and that is so valuable.

But there were probably occasional good times with your x and it's natural to grieve for those and it's natural to grieve for the relationship which you wish you had had and would have liked to have raised your DS in. And unless you had your DS very early on in the relationship, you must have been together for at least 15 years or so. It probably will take a couple of years or so to get over all the associated grief and pain of the break-up.

Have you had any counselling or other support to help you through these difficult times?

Hi so sorry your feeling so down. It’s still early days. You did the right thing. Perhaps you need to treat yourself? One thing women in these situations forget is to be kind to yourself. Do things you like doing and that make you feel good. A home spa night, start couch to 5k, watch an old movie with some ice cream. Think about what YOU want to do with your life - study? A new career? A new hobby? Can you make some plans for you and DS? It does get better but it takes time. Try some self help books - i found them useful

Thanks @Dery, that made me cry again...seems to be todays theme .

Yes, I had support initially from Woman's Aid and my friends are always there for me, but I am completely unable to ask for help from them. They are busy and have their own problems to deal with. I don't like anyone thinking I can't cope. Nuts eh?

I'm okay really, just having a low day. The virtual hug actually helped. It's nice to know that someone answered x

@Lozzerbmc Any recommendations for self help books? Yes, the couch to 5k sounds like a good idea (ice cream currently more tempting!)

A box of Jaffa cakes will cheer you up .... just had one (single pack!)! Guilt can come later!

Seriously, you’re having a bad day, not difficult during these times, added to that mix a teen and an ex, there’s going to be low points, and that’s today. But remember how strong you were to walk away from your ex, for the benefit of you and your dc, and how your life is now. No shit from your ex, a bed to yourself! Have a nice bath and glass of wine. Hugs!

@AlwaysCheddar I did just that! Added a Crunchie, watched Married at first sight and had a bit of a nap.

Life seems a bit better now