It’s Over Yet Again & I’m Back to Square 1 Again

[Eddiewasmyfavouritecharacter]

Hello.

Boy oh boy would I appreciate some advice.

I’m recently separated from my husband. It’s our third big break-up and I always wondered why I went back time and time again...yet now that I’ve made the break & Separated him, I miss him so much. I feel so lonely. I remember why I went back before..I find it hard to be alone & so hard to be without him. I actually feel tempted to go back.

But it didn’t work ... at all ! We did counselling together & I did it alone too. A lot came before this decision to break up our marriage.

What’s wrong with me? Do other people feel this way too?

Why is it so damn hard to be alone & without him? I feel so very very low.

I’m really open to advice on this. Thank you thank you thank you.

Free doughnuts to anyone who responds. (or are they biscuits?)

No advice but many

And those are rude biscuits. But I’ll take a donut. Haven’t had one in ages.

I think it's just a matter of getting used to it. Try to go no contact it really does make breaking up a lot easier.

😂😂 I never realised that those biscuits look like a pair of knockers!

Thanks fir the flowers. They smell lovely.

Someone must have some pearls of wisdom. I know I probably need to just suck it up & get on with life but the loneliness is excruciating— I cant believe this is my life either.

@Candyfloss99

That’s the part that Is hard : no contact . How do I go from 15 years to nothing? I feel like I’ve proper f**ked up the relationship side of life

There is always cake (& I’ve been flung a lotta lotta comfort eating lately!)

*doing not ‘flung’ ... been doing some comfort drinking too!

I meant rude as in short hand for “no comment, you’re a tosser” but I guess they could look like boobs

Because he probably controlled many aspects of your life.

Find your groove. New stuff, new friends, just you.

In the meantime be busy. Jigsaws. Loud music. Read. Talk radio. Garden. Hoover. Be busy.

Find your peacefulness

Don't confuse feeling vulnerable with missing him/that relationship. Your relationship with that man simply doesn't work, and if you don't allow yourself the time to adjust and reflect, you are doomed to go back only to have history repeat itself.

Take a deep breath and be reasonable.

@AnneLovesGilbert Did you call me a tossed??

*tosser

@chuffedasbuttons

Thanks! I, like you, would like to be chuffed as buttons - great username. I do mean to read and do all those things you listed but I guess I get bogged down by the sadness if I’m honest!

@Aquamarine1029

Thanks. Every word of your post resonates. I do need to reflect and adjust and be reasonable rather than emotional but it’s just hard emotionally. I relied on him for a lot of aboriginal support and he me. It’s a tough bond to break.

Thank you.

*emotional support

You will feel lonely just have to keep busy. Take each day at a time. Exercise helps get rid of emotional turmoil. Think about things you want to do. Eat dinner when you want, eat biscuits in bed, be the boss of the tv remote - do all the things you couldnt with him! Its hard at the beginning but know that it will get better. It just takes time theres no quick fix but you will get through it.

@Lozzerbmc

Thanks! It’s a unique kind of feeling & I had forgotten how unpleasant it is. You’re right - I do just need to ride it out.

It’s so hard to let go. I worry about him and think about him and rely on him but our relationship was never the stuff of fairytales-not even close!

No!!!!! It’s just what some posters use the dreaded biscuit to mean.

I’m sending more to apologise for the misunderstanding

OP you will get through this!! Even though you aren’t together anymore it will still be a huge adjustment as your lives were enmeshed- you’re still attached to him which is perfectly normal so becoming unattached will take time. You’re also probably grieving for the future you imagined gif yourself that you thought was all mapped out. I wish you all the best luck and love going forward 💐💐💐

If the two of you were so brilliant at emotionally supporting each other, you would still be together. Just because someone is your crutch doesn't mean they're really supporting you.

@AnneLovesGilbert

I never knew that (& I thought they were doughnuts! 🍩). Thanks!

@NotaCoolMum

Thank you! It’s the taking time part that is excruciating.

@Aquamarine1029

That’s a good way of putting it. I guess I’ve got used to unveiling around him and the rose-tinted glasses go on when we break up ... & they go on fast I used to beat myself up asking ‘why did I go back?’ & now I know. I feel totally different when I’m in it than when I’m out.

I don’t know what to do though. NC seems harsh!

I think you need to come to terms that there relationship is not working so you need to move in. There’s no need to have contact (no dc?) so don’t. It’s a failed relationship x 3! Move on with your life and accept this change.

I know — failed x 3 and now I’m single with no DC (& too late to have them!). I try to live for today but it’s hard. I had a falling out with a good friend recently too and it weighs heavily on my heart. Both losses feel like a lot to take to be honest!

You know you deserve better. I know my ex is bad for me. He is aggressive bully. Always put himself first and didn't care about anyone else. I miss the good times. But they are t worth the bad times.

Take some time to find the things you love. Get out and meet people. I volunteered at the night shelter. This helped me out my problems into prospective.

Going NC was hard I use to write draft e mails and not send them. Or heavily edit them. It helped to pour the emotions out but keep my dignity.