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Original poster

Stbxh payout from house

31 replies

Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 13:42

I know legally if married, you are entitled to a 50/50 split, however my husband has contributed only to paying half our mortgage payments over the last 8 years, where as myself and my family have put in our savings into deposits for houses/cars etc over the years.
How is it fair that he would get half of this money? I'm working out around £40k that's come from myself and £0 from him.
He's now demanding £30k as a payout from our house. Yes legally he's entitled to this I guess, but morally if it was the other way around I wouldn't be asking for so much of him and his family had contributed so much to our lives over the years!!

OP posts:
MoonBase10 · 29/08/2020 13:46

Flip it round and if he was the one who had put this money into the house and you had been a SAHM would it be right to get nothing?

Have you had any legal advice as its not always a 50/50 split it looks at the needs and situation of the individual

Its easy to say you wouldn't want the money but in reality you never know what you would do in the situation

At the end of it all the house is a marital asset but the courts etc will help you come to an agreement that is "fair" on everyone- have you tried mediation

I had a home prior to marriage and earned substantially more than DH but his contribution has been through being there for dc when I have an unpredictable schedule. If we were to divorce Id want to make sure the outcome reflected the whole story of sacrifice on not only my part but his too

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/08/2020 13:47

It is entirely fair that a shared asset of the marriage is split 50/50. Morals have fuck all to do with it (thankfully).

You wanted to protect your and your family contribution then the time to do that was legally at the start of the arrangement.

Original poster
Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 13:57

I'm not saying he's entitled to nothing, but for what he paid into the house over the years seems more fair

Any future relationship I get into lesson learned!!

If the shoe was on the other foot and he had kids full time and all his family had contributed to our lives financially the whole time I'm not sure I'd feel right demanding half tbh. Especially if I'd had a drug addiction the whole time and been selling drugs from said home and doing what ever the fuck I wanted while he brought up 3 kids!!
I'd take what I paid and be on my way.
Raging here I just hate him!!

OP posts:
Inaseagull · 29/08/2020 14:01

Don't guess or take his word for it. Get proper legal advice and take it from there. Gather all financial information for your first appointment.

Original poster
Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 14:06

I will do that ASAP will call a solicitor on Monday!

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 29/08/2020 14:10

How is it fair that he would get half of this money? I'm working out around £40k that's come from myself and £0 from him. So he's contributed to the mortgage for 8 years but you think he's entitled to nothing and he wants 3/4s ? You need proper legal advice, you're both unreasonable

Original poster
Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 14:14

Ive said no where that he's entitled to nothing.
He's entitled to the money he's paid in.
All other contributions have come from me. He's not put a penny of savings in. I've put in £40k+

OP posts:
noego · 29/08/2020 14:49

Its got nothing to do with emotions, feelings, contributions or anything moral.
It is a legal contract that you entered into and when that contract is terminated both parties walk away with 50/50. Unless you settle out of court through mediation and negotiate a 60/40 split.

nicelyneurotic · 29/08/2020 14:56

See a solicitor, please. I know only of cases where what was contributed from each party was taken into account - both financially and contributing to childcare etc. It very rarely works out as a 50/50 split. That's just the starting point.

SleepingStandingUp · 29/08/2020 16:51

I'm working out around £40k that's come from myself and £0 from him.
He's entitled to the money he's paid in.

So given the two above comments, that's 0. How can he have put 0 in when he's been paying half for 8 years?

millymollymoomoo · 29/08/2020 17:15

There’s no right to a 50:50 split
Assets in the marital pot are deemed to be owned jointly however both parties are entitled to a fair share. A fair share does not necessarily mean 50%. Could be more or less in either party’s favour

Original poster
Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 18:34

So I'm maybe not being clear here sorry.
We have both paid the mortgage payments equally. However, I have supplied the deposit for our home, the deposit for (now his) car
He has never had savings nor have his family contributed a penny, where as mine have a huge amount

OP posts:
CuppaZa · 29/08/2020 18:40

Then you should have ring-fenced your deposit at the time of purchase.

180darts · 29/08/2020 18:43

I think that's fair, his pay negates the rent he could have charged for his half of the house you've lived in

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 29/08/2020 19:51

So I'm maybe not being clear here sorry.
We have both paid the mortgage payments equally. However, I have supplied the deposit for our home, the deposit for (now his) car. He has never had savings nor have his family contributed a penny, where as mine have a huge amount

But presumably when you did all of this you did it willingly?

Elieza · 29/08/2020 20:15

My cousin was in a similar position. He put in a deposit left to him in his parents will (family sold parents house when they died and split money with siblings) for the new wife and his first home together. His new wife didn’t put a deposit in.

When they split she wanted half of everything. Even though it’ll she didn’t put in half.

He said no you didn’t even know my parents so why should you get half of the money they left to ME when they died before they even met you. That money was for ME only.

They argued back and forth and the legal bills were thousands. The judge actually said to both lawyers to basically stop messing their clients around and spending their money on legal fees as neither would budge an inch and they should have compromised. He said he’d report them to the law society if they didn’t sort it by the next court date.

My cousin ended up having to pay just under half the house to her. Plus legal fees. So it came to the same amount as half the house and took years! They’d have been better just doing half in the first place, or just under half.

You need legal advice though. Your circs may be different.

Original poster
Louise000000 · 29/08/2020 21:42

@180darts what do you think is fair?

OP posts:
180darts · 29/08/2020 22:01

I don't know how much rent would be in your area 8 years of half rent here could easily be around 40,000. you need legal advice.

ThePhoenixAndTheAshes · 29/08/2020 23:20

What equity is currently in the house? If half is 30k I'm guessing 60k equity. And you're saying you put 40k in? So are you proposing 40k for you and 20k for him? Which might be considered fair if you have majority care of your mutual DC. Or you get 40k than split the rest of the equity 50/50? So you're thinking 10k to him and 50k to you?

You need to see a solicitor. Contributions may be taken into account but their are other considerations like did either of you go part time or SAHP to look after DC? What % care are you both doing going forward? Write out a time line of everything including things like mat leave, time off or part time to care for kids, other assets like cars and pensions, any savings, any debts, and shares etc and go and see a solicitor with that information and find out what a reasonable split might be than negotiate or do mediation with stbxh. You may need to meet him half way, this is probably preferable to court as costs can mount up quickly.

Original poster
Louise000000 · 30/08/2020 09:27

Equity is £60k
Ive put in £30k at the start
If the house was sold I'd get the £30k I started with and he would be £30k up. We have both paid into the house. Doesn't seem fair.
I'll call solicitor tomorrow

OP posts:
Original poster
Louise000000 · 30/08/2020 09:29

I have both worked and also stayed at home to look after dcs does this go against me do you think @ThePhoenixAndTheAshes?

OP posts:
dontdisturbmenow · 30/08/2020 09:44

Marriage is not about fairness. You are in the shoes of the majority of men in divorces. At least it sounds like you want out, many men in your situation except much worse are still in love with their wife!

The moment you took your vows, you accepted for better or for worse and that's where you are. No point going about fairness, it's a waste of your mental energy.

FredaFox · 30/08/2020 09:51

You just sound bitter. Take your angry glasses off and read all the replies. People rarely get back what they “put in” unless it was ringfenced. The house is a marital asset. You start at 50/50 and negotiate on circumstances
No judge will care if your sister helped you out with a grand but his didn’t. They will care what’s right for the kids and look at contributors that are not just financial
Life isn’t fair sometimes but you aren’t being fair either. Like others say if your roles were reversed there would be uproar and demands he paid his fair share

altiara · 30/08/2020 13:45

You needed to ring fence ‘your’ money at the start.
What ‘might‘ be deemed fair is you both have equal amounts of the equity in order to both move on and each provide a home for your children.

Lazypuppy · 30/08/2020 14:10

Why didn't you protect your deposits?!

Unfortunately its not fair, but it is legal. Expensive lesson for you.

ALWAYS! protect your money that goes into a property