Male/female friendship and current restrictions

[FinnyStory]

I have an ex colleague who became a good friend through a shared sporting interest.

We haven't worked together for years but, in normal times, continued to go to sporting events roughly once a month. These would often be a full day out, travelling quite a distance and a few drinks on the way home and apart from DH, he's probably now the friend I'm closest to.

We've always been careful not do anything that might be construed as "romantic" out of respect for our spouses.

I haven't seen him since February and there's no prospect of returning to the sport any time soon. We live quite a distance apart, so a few drinks together would mean public transport, which we're avoiding. Both have peole at home we're trying to be careful for at the same time as trying tonget back to some sort of normal life.

We've discussed things like a picnic or a walk but that seems a bit date-like. Are we over thinking this?

Who's got an idea for a very platonic, low risk way to meet up? Something that would be OK for appearances sake iyswim. There really is no risk of it being anything other than platonic, I think that would have happened in one of our boozy outings if it was going to

Both in our 50s, if that makes a difference.

Well if there is a problem, it's been happening for 20 years without anyone, including us, noticing.

No, I don't think there is anyone in my circle with a mixed friendship that's very important to them. As with PPs, I think I might take issue with a similar situation involving DH.There's no logic in that but these kinds of feelings aren't (supposed to be?) logical.

We have had a few calls during the pandemic. I'd assumed we'd just wait until the sport is back to meet up but friend suggested getting together to do "something", which would just be different to what we normally do, that's all.

It's not as easy as "popping out for a coffee" as we live about 1.5 hours apart, so it does need to be more of a planned occasion.

Although actually, when we worked together there was "gossip" so maybe that's where my concern about how it looks stems from.

Hmmm sounds like there is more to it feelings-wise for at least one of you if other people you worked with could spot this - and you’re in such a debate with yourself about seeing him. If there were not feelings this wouldn’t be weird for either of you tbh.

From time to time, both my DH and I separately meet good friends of the opposite sex for breakfast, lunch or early dinners (usually timed round a day in the office; all pre-COVID). Given the encouragement to be outdoors now, I think a picnic would be a legitimate replacement for any of those activities and doesn’t necessarily indicate any romantic intention.

It’s really about the intention behind the meeting rather than where and how you meet, I think. Is there something about his suggestion that you meet in a non-sports related capacity which has made you wonder whether he perhaps has a slightly different intention on this occasion? At an unconscious level, could that be what’s making you so keen to ensure that the arrangement is not misconstrued in any way by your respective partners?

@workhomesleeprepeat

Hmmm sounds like there is more to it feelings-wise for at least one of you if other people you worked with could spot this - and you’re in such a debate with yourself about seeing him. If there were not feelings this wouldn’t be weird for either of you tbh.

They noticed we spent a lot of time together, nothing else.

You're overthinking this way too much.

If your partner doesn't have a problem with it and his partner doesn't have a problem with then it's all good.
The best way to find out if they have a problem with it is for each of you to ask your own partners .

Is it that you want your partner to have an issue with it or something and you're wondering why he doesn't?
or that you want others on here to say there must be something between you if he wants to meet up now outside of the usual sport?