Some of you may find this weird but I cannot talk to my husband about sex. Well, more accurately he won't talk to me about sex.
We've been together 16 almost 17 years. We got together at 17 & 18 and lost our virginities together. I'd had another boyfriend before hand but our experience didn't go beyond kissing and over the top of clothes fumbling whereas my husband hadn't even kissed anyone else.
We took a while to work up to him being ready for sex, about 6 months, though within 3 months together we were doing everything else so I took it to be a confidence thing.
When we'd had a few drinks he'd be a lot more loosened up and open to trying more things and as a result we did most things and the sex was plentiful and pretty damn good for inexperienced teenagers.
Over the years to due to general life (ie kids, houses, work) the quantity of sex has declined rapidly to about once a month at best, once every 6 months at worst.
I'm the first to admit that I've always wanted it more than him. Now whether this is a confidence thing or not I don't know. But I feel a bit embarrassed about this. I'd quite happily have some form of sex every day, whereas he's admitted he's not that bothered anymore and doesn't want it that much.
I told him I want (and crave) a lot more sex than we are having. He just said he doesn't feel the urge for it and when we do have sex it's boring. I then asked him what we can do to improve things but he just won't talk about it, he says he can't. I don't want to spend the rest of my life wanking alone when I'd much rather my husband made me feel that way.
We were so regular once and enjoyed it so much and now it's like he doesn't want it and this his enthusiasm was all for show and to keep me happy. He will go and brush his teeth, wash his hands and have a shower immediately after sex too which makes me feel dirty and disgusting. There is no need to do this as I shower each night before bed so it's not as if I smell (or taste 
) bad surely?!
Any advice for someone who's stuck at what to do next? How on earth can I get him to talk more?
I feel ashamed and embarrassed and feel like a sex pest and pervert for wanting sex this much, typically it's the man with the high sex drive. I've spoken to my friends and they say they wish their husbands wanted it less so I feel the odd one out.
What do I do?
Ps: please don't move this to the sex topic as I've not been a member long enough. I used to be a long time member but shut my account down when it got hacked and had to rejoin. Thanks
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How on earth do you talk about sex?!
NNN20 · 28/08/2020 08:58
@Branleuse I just can't see why he wanted it so much in the beginning. Unless it was to keep me 
[quote NNN20]@Branleuse I just can't see why he wanted it so much in the beginning. Unless it was to keep me [/quote]
I think some people are really into sex in the begining of relationships. They like the novelty etc and want to impress and enjoy a new person, but they dont have enough imagination or passion to maintain excitement with familiarity.
Its a shame. I think being intimate and really knowing someone long term is really hot. Admittedly its different than those heady first few months or years, but there is nothing wrong with you still wanting a sex life. Youve got bloody decades ahead of you
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