Too soon to stay over?

[sharonJJ55]

Met this guy OLD. We're both early 40's. Have had 3 lovely dates so far (all in one week). Now he's invited me round to his for dinner & to stay over (we live about an hour apart). He seems great, although very keen..talking about how lovely he thinks I am, calling lots & saying about wanting a future with me. I've all of a sudden got a bit nervous about sleeping with him too soon & it all going pear shaped as I've slept with guys before on the 3/4th date & then they've back off. So do you think the 4th date is too quick to stay over? We've only know each other a week but have fitted in 3 dates this week (all fairly long ones).

Who can say ?
It depends on how you feel about him . If he’s gonna disappear after sex then might as well get it over and done with sooner than later !

Don’t go by anyone else’s rules, but go by your gut. Your gut is telling you it’s too soon and something about his lovely behaviour has made you uncomfortable. Have you ever read the Gift of Fear? Sometimes we talk ourselves out of listening to our gut because of our socialisation to be kind and nice etc. If he genuinely is lovely and genuinely likes you he will understand. If he gets the hump with you, then you’ll know you were right all along. You have nothing to lose by taking it at your own pace.

Sounds like you're not ready.

Wait a bit. No rush!

3 dates is one thing but all in one week? Is there any rush?

I'd find the talking about having a future with you so soon a bit worrying - he sounds a bit full on given the short time-span, which makes me thinks he's not sincere.

There's no rush. I'd wait until you're really desperate to get his pants off.

I mean, you've only known each other a week - that many dates that quickly is trying to fast-forward things and not giving any thinking time.

He sounds like he is love bombing you op.
I wouldn't think it was too early to sleep over with someone, you're consenting adults so why not! But lovebombing and future faking are huge red flags.

He seems great, although very keen..talking about how lovely he thinks I am, calling lots & saying about wanting a future with me.

Lovebombing and future faking. Three dates in a week? Rushing you along to get you into bed IMO.

I'd listen to your gut and hold off for now. If he honestly likes you he won't mind

If his first name begins with M leg it ASAP

@sharonJJ55

Met this guy OLD. We're both early 40's. Have had 3 lovely dates so far (all in one week). Now he's invited me round to his for dinner & to stay over (we live about an hour apart). He seems great, although very keen..talking about how lovely he thinks I am, calling lots & saying about wanting a future with me. I've all of a sudden got a bit nervous about sleeping with him too soon & it all going pear shaped as I've slept with guys before on the 3/4th date & then they've back off. So do you think the 4th date is too quick to stay over? We've only know each other a week but have fitted in 3 dates this week (all fairly long ones).

Way too soon.

And he's giving the signs of love bombing to boot.

Do you really want to be just used for sex?

Sex on 1, 2, 3 or 50 dates is fine when you are fine with it.

But your gut is saying no, and probably for good reason, he seems in a bit of a rush, maybe not for sex only but it’s a bit creepy.

Follow your instincts we are taught to ignore them far too often.

“He sounds like he is love bombing you op.
I wouldn't think it was too early to sleep over with someone, you're consenting adults so why not! But lovebombing and future faking are huge red flags.”

This.

No, I wouldn’t be staying over.

One date per week is more than enough time to give a stranger and you're basically asking if we think it's ok for you to have sex with a stranger. Apart from the fact he could be a rapist or a murderer, he'll likely fo either do a slow fade or ghost afterwards. As long as you're ok with all these possibilities, fill your boots.

I'd wait only because he's talking futures and seeing you so quickly in a short time frame. I stayed over after a month and was also afraid it might just be sex but thankfully doesn't seem that way. There are no guarantees but if you are feeling anxious, wait a bit. Can't hurt!

I'd be a bit scared that he's simply desperate for because he hasn't had any for a while. Now he thinks in with a chance he will ramp up the attention he showers on you because he can sense how close he is.

Desperate for sex*

Do you want to have sex with a stranger? some people are fine with that, others aren't. If you aren't, then don't. Do not mistake intensity for intimacy. This is all moving very fast, and so it might feel like you know him. You don't.

I love that someone already recommended 'The gift of Fear'. It really applies here. Your gut knows this is too much, too soon.

He's fast-forwarding and love-bombing, either due to codependent traits or abusive tendencies. You won't know which until you get to know him.

No.

I mean yes, to soon to stay over.

No, don’t do it

🤪

He sounds like he is love bombing you op.
I wouldn't think it was too early to sleep over with someone, you're consenting adults so why not! But lovebombing and future faking are huge red flags.

Absolutely this.

Also the home date move is notorious amongst PIck up artists. It's a very cheap easy date, lots of wine and close proximity to soft furnishings and the bedroom are your guy's friends,
www.girlschase.com/content/home-date-perfect-date-idea-get-girlfriends

Thank you everyone for replying. You're all right - trust my gut. If he's a decent guy he will respect me for that and wait.

I'd happily go round to his at this stage but I'd have my own way of getting home planned in case I didn't fancy staying over. Never go somewhere with a man you don't know well if you can't see a way to get home.