Too soon to stay over?

[sharonJJ55]

Met this guy OLD. We're both early 40's. Have had 3 lovely dates so far (all in one week). Now he's invited me round to his for dinner & to stay over (we live about an hour apart). He seems great, although very keen..talking about how lovely he thinks I am, calling lots & saying about wanting a future with me. I've all of a sudden got a bit nervous about sleeping with him too soon & it all going pear shaped as I've slept with guys before on the 3/4th date & then they've back off. So do you think the 4th date is too quick to stay over? We've only know each other a week but have fitted in 3 dates this week (all fairly long ones).

My line was always 'I'd rather go out'. No discussion, no talks about intimacy being too soon or any other nonsense. Anybody who tried beyond that, got radio silence until they texted with dinner reservations lol

Stay over if you want to. I have had sex on the first date with a few partners, including my now husband. Sexual compatibility is important to me and if someone backs off after, then they aren't worth my time. I have no patience for men who judge women for doing something they participated in themselves.

@sharonJJ55

Thank you everyone for replying. You're all right - trust my gut. If he's a decent guy he will respect me for that and wait.

Exactly, and if he's a knob about it then he's probably done you a favour

Listen to your gut, go there but book a taxi and tell him you are doing so.

Better still tell him you would rather eat out. If he's worth anything he'll wait for you to be ready and if he's a shitbag he'll reveal himself pretty sharpish.

3 dates? in your 40's ? Surely you don't need random strangers to validate your decision. I knew dp was a keeper before I met him, i would have gone back to his house on our first date if I'm honest (he's far too much of a gentleman) but yes he stayed at mine on date 3. I'm your age.

I personally don’t like getting into the cosy staying in and cooking too early but a lot of guys push for it because they want a shag.

I met a guy recently and he was younger than me so I had a feeling he was after a fwb arrangement. When he invited me to his and offered to cook, I said I would prefer a night out. I never heard from him again.

It may not be the case with your guy but you’ve only known him a week so who knows?

I'd be wary that it's been very intense, 3 times in one week is alot imo. Also how does he know he wants a future with someone he has only met a week ago, would scare me off and is potentially a red flag.
If you want to have sex with him, go, stay and have sex. But dont only have sex with him based on the things he has said to you. You're an adult, if you fancy him and want to have sex with him then do so, but on that basis only.
Then if he is a twat who is future faking to get you into bed it wont matter will it? He wouldve got what he wanted and you wouldve got a nice evening which you wanted and enjoyed end of.

I’m a similar age to you OP, my preference is not to stay over the first time l have sex with someone. I feel more comfortable that way. Personally, l don’t like to delay the sex though because l enjoy sex and it’s what sorts the wheat from the chaff. It’s only post sex you really discover what someone is like.

But l wouldn’t commit myself to sex in advance. A person’s home tells a lot about them too.

I met my partner of almost ten years on OLD so I'm generally quite positive about it, but I think 3 dates in one week is quite a lot quite quickly.

Why don't you say you are busy for a few days but you would love to go out next week? Then if he takes that well and you enjoy your date after a weeks break just get a taxi home with him afterwards? It's less awkward if it's spontaneous anyway 😄

I am all for sex whenever you feel like it and preferably sooner rather than later, but I think it should happen naturally. I feel this guy is lovebombing you and then being presumptuous in inviting you to stay over. TBH I hazard a guess that if you drag your feet he will ghost you. If you sleep together he would stick around for a bit and then fade out. Very standard playbook.

If I were you I would throw a spanner in the works and suggest going out. If he is keen he would respect your decision.