Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Strange questions even before a first date

32 replies

Doingitaloneandproud · 26/08/2020 11:01

Hi Ladies

I'm meant to be going on a first date but my gut isn't feeling 100% on it, I've spoken to my sister and work friend about it and they think not to go.. opinions would be great please

Spoke to him through Tinder, then exchanged numbers, he seemed nice enough, kept saying about his height (he's very tall) and saying it was great it wouldn't bother me if we are in a relationship

Then he started to quiz me, where I live (temp with parents due to mental health and saving to buy a place for my son and I, not ideal but it has worked wonders as I've been discharged from my psychologist from PTSD / anxiety and cleared any debt my ex racked up as a surprise leaving gift!)

So he was asking when I saw myself being able to buy and how much, then it was do I get a social life living with family, then who is the primary care giver for my son, how much money I earn, what my last breakup was like and him saying he doesn't have an amicable relationship with his ex. I didn't ask about that as tbh I find these a bit strong questions for someone I haven't even had a first date with.

All this has completely put me off and tbh my gut is telling me avoid this one

OP posts:
BoxAndKnife · 26/08/2020 11:04

Always, always trust your gut. Always.

RemyHadley · 26/08/2020 11:05

Yeah he sounds odd. I’d just cancel.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 26/08/2020 11:06

Always trust your gut. I wouldnt be discussing any of that until I knew someone in all honesty. At this stage it's all about, do we like eachother,nothing more nothing less.

Cooltalkin · 26/08/2020 11:08

He isn’t amicable with ex
Hmmm wonder why ?
Cancel -he sounds at best way too nosy especially as you have nt met yet and at worst a creep

AmayaBuzzbee · 26/08/2020 11:10

Definitely cancel. Way too personal questions from somebody you have never met. Nothing nice / worth your time would come out of this.

SBTLove · 26/08/2020 11:10

I hope you never told him what you’ve posted, none of that is his business.
Block & delete.

category12 · 26/08/2020 11:11

Cancel. Seems really intrusive and too much when you haven't even met yet.

username501 · 26/08/2020 11:13

You didn't answer any of these questions did you?

You do realise that you get scammers who con people out of money or trick them into marrying as they want a visa and for a load of other reasons. You seem to have no sense of personal boundaries - those questions are very, very personal and have nothing to do with a complete stranger you've spoken to on the internet.

With OLD you just block and move on, block and move on, block and move on until you find a normal.

Quick coffee as a first date to gauge if there's anything there, then arrange a longer date to get to know each other better and take it from there. Drop and block at the first sign of red flags.

Sally99 · 26/08/2020 11:19

Tbh, it sounds to me like he's not sure and likely to DNA.

I wouldn't bother with him.

Movinghouseatlast · 26/08/2020 11:22

Christ, no. Walk away.

TwentyViginti · 26/08/2020 11:24

I hope you didn't answer these highly intrusive questions!

Absolutely cancel and block. Scammer, nutter or potential cocklodger.

BaskingMad · 26/08/2020 11:31

So he doesn’t have amicable relationship with ex- there are reasons for it
He’s asking when you’re going to buy- potentially planning when he’s able to cocklodge with you
Asking for your earnings- he probably has debts and is looking to sponge off of you

You are a meal ticket for him, don’t waste your time. He should be interested in you as a person at this point, the questions he’s asking reveal he has a plan to use you. Bin

Thymeout · 26/08/2020 11:32

Sounds as if he doesn't want to waste time meeting someone who doesn't meet the requirements on his wish-list.

He doesn't want a relationship with the hassle of finding time, space to meet in private. Or one with a nightmare ex who will make trouble over access arrangements. Living with your parents is a negative, so how long will it take you to buy something of your own?

All v logical and efficient - but I'd find it off-putting. At least, he's obviously not just after a one-night stand.

Original poster
Doingitaloneandproud · 26/08/2020 11:33

Thank you all, no I didn't answer them and told him I found them highly inappropriate. He was apologetic and the friend from work then said to give him a chance, but the doubts had already been in my head

I wouldn't answer anything to do with my private life like that, my answers to the questions were probably quite rude back as it was pretty much i don't think that's your business/you need to know that etc. I am very cautious with dating especially with my last relationship and wanted a few other opinions to make sure I'm not being too picky etc

Thank you all for your comments

OP posts:
Chocforthewin · 26/08/2020 11:35

Nah OP, nah as soon a potential date asks about how much you earn, how much you can afford etc when you haven't even met yet too. Red flags 🚩

Original poster
Doingitaloneandproud · 26/08/2020 11:36

I also don't see the living with my parents as a massive negative, currently buying around here a 2 bed would be circa £350-400k, whilst I have savings it will take around another year before I can buy, and its around £1200 per month to rent excluding bills

Of course I would want my own space with my son, but it's just one of those things at the moment, if someone wanted to date they'd have to accept it would be like that for another year, if they couldn't they aren't right for me :)

OP posts:
TwentyViginti · 26/08/2020 11:37

He sounds hard work. You want some fun in your life with dating, not being grilled like this.

Your answers weren't rude at all!

Sakurami · 26/08/2020 11:41

Jesus. No, dont meet him

username501 · 26/08/2020 11:45

OP don't let other people make you doubt yourself. I let a friend convince me to go on a date once with someone I wasn't particularly attracted to and thought was a bit domineering. I went, entirely against my better judgement, realised I was right and finished the date at 9pm. I think we started at 7:30, I just wanted to go home.

He dropped me off and asked to use the loo then wouldn't leave my house. After an hour I managed to get him down the stairs to the front door but he stood with his back against it and every time I opened it, pushed it shut.

After another hour of this, I got him to leave and then blocked him. I thought that since he had been teaching a class I'd attended so I knew his employers etc that he'd be at least safeish but I was wrong.

Don't let other people convince you to go against your better judgement, ever. You did the right thing and perhaps gave him too much time to convince you otherwise. First sign of weirdly intrusive behaviour just BLOCK and move onto the next freak who no doubt, is is into toes.

Hailtomyteeth · 26/08/2020 11:46

He's assessing your situation to see how he can utilise your assets - physical, financial, your time etc. Not good. One tried this on me, and when he realised my (then) financial position, he decided he was in love with me. No. He just thought he could use me ... so, trust your gut. You aren't a resource for him to exploit.

AnnaFour · 26/08/2020 11:48

Some people approach dating lone they are interviewing the person they are getting to know for a job. I had one of these one time and it truly felt like everything he asked was not to get to know me as a person bit to see if I matched the job description for the girlfriend ideal he had in his head. Needless to say I did not pass muster! I found it all quite funny in the end.

TheGodmother · 26/08/2020 11:48

As a PP said don't let anyone away your opinion. You're right to to meet this person. Always go with your gut. There's plenty more fish in the sea!!!

TheGodmother · 26/08/2020 11:49

*sway your opinion

starskey80 · 26/08/2020 11:50

It sounds like you've come a long way and are doing brilliantly, well done x

Go with your gut on this, very dodgy he's asking what you earn and about social life, at best he's a potential cocklodger..... at worst, well, who knows.

You've got your boundaries well placed, don't move them for anyone, not when you've done so well for yourself and your son.

Smallsteps88 · 26/08/2020 11:59

I'm meant to be going on a first date but my gut isn't feeling 100% on it,

That’s all the information you need. You don’t need permission from your friends or sister or strangers on the internet to allow you to cancel a date if it doesn’t feel right. You trust your feelings.

Swipe left for the next trending thread