Child maintenance, do I pay it all?

[OopsieDaisies]

On the back of a thread I've just looked at, I've got to thinking.. if a RP receives maintenance via the CMS and a deduction is made for shared care (say, two nights a week for example) is the NRP supposed to pay for things on the days they have the child?

I've always been under the impression if they pay CMS they don't have to pay anything else. If the NRP gets a deduction based on overnights does it not stand to reason they are supposed to pay the expenses for that day themselves (breakfast club etc). Otherwise the NRP is getting a deduction based on how often they have the child but the RP is still having to pay the costs associated with those days? I'm not very articulate so I hope I'm coming across as making sense.

I expect my ex (NRP) to cover expenses on his days, to provide some clothes & school uniform, to pay for things they attend when they are with him (over the years this has been swimming & scouting).

Yes, the non resident parent should cover costs for the days they have the child.

I agree they "should" because otherwise the RP is expected to pay for all the childcare whether the NRP pays full maintenance or gets a deduction for shared care. I can't see anything that would back this up though..?
Everything says CMS is the legal minimum and they don't have to pay a penny extra for day to day expenses. If a NRP doesn't have to pay costs associated with their days why is there a deduction?

Morally yes but legally no not unless it’s agreed in a court order. CMS is all the NRP has to pay.

Why is it that they get a deducted for shared care nights then? What is the deduction for if the RP has to pay all costs still?

Deduction *

Of course the NRP ought to pay for things on the days they have the child.

So if the child is in breakfast club on their contact day, then they ought to pay for it. Whether they actually will or not is another matter.

They should pay yes in their own time morally, but either they do weekends only or they expect the RP to pay for it with the CMS. Either way RP usually ends up with all the Monday to Friday day to day and childcare costs and NRP can end up with all the fun costs. Some NRP don’t even wash their DC clothing when they visit, buy them costs or shoes or anything like that

*coats

@menora that is the situation I'm in. I pay full breakfast club and afterschool club Mon-Fri. If the NRP gets a deducted for shared care based on the fact he has his child 2 nights a week, why am I expected to pay for breakfast club/afterschool club on a Monday and Tuesday morning and evening? (The overnights he has the child).

It seems odd that I'm expected to pay for it everyday out of my wages plus CM, but he gets a deduction for those days. Surely it should be either I get full CMS and pay every single little cost from that plus my salary, or he gets a deduction and pays for his own costs on his own days?

You need to get the childcare provider to invoice you separately so you're only paying for the childcare you need. If he needs to use the breakfast club he needs to be responsible for booking and paying for it.

@titchy more than happy to do that. I receive £132 a month from my ex and breakfast club and after school club total £16 a day so what he pays in CMS only just covers two days childcare, nevermind half of any other expenses.

If I did this though I'd be nervous he'd kick off. Am I actually allowed to tell him to pay whatever childcare he needs himself?

They should, but in reality many don't, forcing the other parent to pay. Only if a child has very limited contact with a parent, so there is no reduction in child support, do I think that the resident parent should have to send the child with clothes and so on. No point in buying things a child will only use a handful of times before outgrowing. Shared care and the parents should share costs proportionally, such as school uniform, shoes, winter coat, after school sports or clubs, and so on.

Of course you're allowed to tell him he needs to arrange and pay for his own childcare on his days.

I couldnt be bothered to quibble over coats, uniform, schools, swimming lessons etc. I'm happy to pay all of that myself from wages/CMS. Childcare seems a sticky point for me though, I spend the same amount as I receive in CMS on the cost of after school club and breakfast clubs on just the days my daughter is picked up and dropped off by her dad. I wondered what the point of giving them a deduction for overnights was if I'm still responsible for his days childcare.

@category12 thanks. I've said it before and he's kicked off saying because he pays CM that it covers all childcare. He says this was clarified by CMS themselves. How true this is I don't know.

He's bound to say that, tho, isn't he? I suggest he's talking bollocks to frighten you. I bet he's never been told any such thing.

Am I actually allowed to tell him to pay whatever childcare he needs himself?

Of course you are! You're not responsible for the logistics of him getting to work on time!

Email - Hi Frank. Just to let you know I've booked the kids into breakfast club Wed to Fri - they'll be invoicing me half termlu. They have spaces for them Mon and Tues if you need to use it - they're happy to invoice you separately. This is the number if you want to book.

It really is a case of him being an awful bully and its just something I've carried on with for an easy life. I suppose I was hoping to find something definitive on the direct.gov site or similar to send to him when he inevitably kicks off about it.

You could try to speaking to CMS yourself - give them a call tomorrow.

You don't have to respond when he kicks off. Easier said than done though I'm sure.

I'll give them a call tomorrow, good idea. Last time I spoke to them they were just doing a call triage and if it wasn't urgent they weren't advising. Coronavirus/furloughed staff had a huge impact on their resources.

@titchy definitely easier said than done. Thank you for the advice though.

Titchy is right that you don't need to defend your position or respond to him. You can try just letting him rant away and not engage? He's not a reasonable person and he has his own agenda in mind so it's not really worth the energy of justifying yourself. Have a look at the grey rock technique, it might help you with your dealings with him?

Tell him if he needs breakfast club and after school care on his days to book it and pay for it. Let him sort it out. It's a new school year so perfect time to do it.