Poetic OLD: get involved

[famousforwrongreason]

I wrote a rhyme during my insomnia time
It's not perfect and doesn't always scan.
I wanted to put something about fish and hi viz jackets but ran out of inspiration.
if anyone wants to join in please feel free to add or alter:

Guys on date sites, please take heed,
Your profile is dull when there's nothing to read
No face pic is a pointless exercise,
I want a treat,
A feast for my eyes

married guys, does your missus know?
I guess with no face pic,
the answer is no

When you do put on pics
you scribble on your ex,
You black out your kids,
You think that makes me hot for sex?

And how many selfies do you take when you pee?
Toilets aren't a thing of beauty,
I don't want to see

When you post a pic of you with your mates
It's a real let down
cos the one I fancy
Is always settled down

I know your aim is to get inside our pants
But I dry right up when you talk about bants

You filtered out the details on your face
It makes me sad,
I bet your real face is the best one that you have

And why have you got your tongue sticking out?
If you're not getting down to business,
stick it back in ya mouth

I don't wanna see your dick,
we never even met
It proves you're a creep tho,
so don't delete it yet

And guys who want 'no drama' or 'no psycho bitches'
I'm not being funny,
There's bound to be a court injunction
Or you owe her loadsamoney

I think I should keep these thoughts a secret,
cos if you change anything
we might mistake you for someone decent

Haha I just read it back to myself. Awful.
But the sentiment is real

Thanks @bof. Even if you're being sarcastic

I really am not! I love it .

Haha! You're ace!
I didn't add it to my profile altho I was considering it

I'm giving this a bump so it can be more widely appreciated!

That's brilliant! And all so true, sadly. Made me laugh though!

Bloody love it! Well done! 👏

Bet you could add more and turn it in a short story.

Haha thanks everyone, it's nice to be appreciated. There's definitely scope for more/ better. It's all the things that make me almost tempted to match with them just so that I can challenge their 'woe is me' profile write up.

@BitOfFun

I'm giving this a bump so it can be more widely appreciated!

Do you want to be my agent?

I'm all about curating new talent, me ...

Let's get this show on the road. I see liz Jones is touring, maybe I can be her warm up woman

@famousforwrongreason You should definitely put this as your profile blurb. :)

But the sentiment is real

The struggle is real.

Have been at the wine and can't be creative, but did write this the other week about my ex.

Never Forget

Like a process of grief
But with disgust.
Name for me, someone,
The opposite of lust?

I wrote out the words
It took a while
Repulsive, awful, horrifying, vile
Violating, nauseating, appalling, sick

How could I have been with such a prick?

Demeaned, degraded, humiliated
Shamed, used, for sure I’ve been abused.
Never forget- it’s 9/11

Single for life
Heaven.

[quote SoulofanAggron]@famousforwrongreason You should definitely put this as your profile blurb. :)

But the sentiment is real

The struggle is real.

Have been at the wine and can't be creative, but did write this the other week about my ex.

Never Forget

Like a process of grief
But with disgust.
Name for me, someone,
The opposite of lust?

I wrote out the words
It took a while
Repulsive, awful, horrifying, vile
Violating, nauseating, appalling, sick

How could I have been with such a prick?

Demeaned, degraded, humiliated
Shamed, used, for sure I’ve been abused.
Never forget- it’s 9/11

Single for life
Heaven.[/quote]
I love this too.
Bless your heart, some very familiar feelings. I can't believe what crap we put up with.
Sooo therapeutic putting it into rhyme tho isn't it?
Don't think I've ever seen 9/11 mentioned in this context before

@famousforwrongreason Yes, that bit was a bit silly lol. I find it interesting that we both got rid of our latest ex at similar times and going by one of your comments on another thread have reached similar conclusions. I'm not dating or anything now- one would have to turn up in my path and seem respectful 'but' attractive. And honestly I will be so boring in bed. I've gone off the idea of all but the most 'wholesome' of sex.

@famousforwrongreason More please. :)

[quote SoulofanAggron]@famousforwrongreason Yes, that bit was a bit silly lol. I find it interesting that we both got rid of our latest ex at similar times and going by one of your comments on another thread have reached similar conclusions. I'm not dating or anything now- one would have to turn up in my path and seem respectful 'but' attractive. And honestly I will be so boring in bed. I've gone off the idea of all but the most 'wholesome' of sex.[/quote]
Hey kindred spirit!
Oh god. I get that wholesome thing. I've never been vanilla and enjoy going all out with boundary pushing but it's recently dawned on me how much my sex life has been influenced by someone else's porn habits....
I feel like i need to add a verse about pics of men with their pants/ joggers pulled down super low and also the ones where they lie on the bed trying to do come to bed eyes.
The sporty cycle-y SUP-y kayakey brigade cracks me up as well as the ubiquitous fish ones, the ones in hi viz, or in their lorry cab or standing next to a car, or in the driver's seat. Feels like they're trying to impress their mates not appeal to a potential life partner.
One bloke I saw on there tonight said 'if we match and you don't message me within one hour I will unmatch you'.
Fucking absolute LOON.
so much weird slightly coercive stuff about not wanting penpals etc, guilt tripping naive women.
Bleurrrggghhhhhhhh

In the English rain
I wait hopefully
It doesn’t get better

Dating is for mugs
And I feel like one too
I get cast off
Like a weathered old shoe
But still I’m better off as I am
Honestly girls, what use is a man?

Great stuff, sisters!

@famousforwrongreason Yes,and if you think of sex, even the most basic things (as I said in another thread the other day) are kind of chores. Expected, and so we do hand jobs, BJs etc when we're not always in the mood, or we do it for longer or more intensely than we want to. So in an ideal world I'd get out of even these basic things when I don't want to do them- that should be ok. We shouldn't feel any pressure/obligation to do things we don't want to do. I admire women who don't like giving oral and so just tell men they won't. I might be ok doing it sometimes, but not for 45 mins or something as my ex used to demand. Of course, this might change if I were to meet the ideal guy.

Blissful, alone, with my magic wand toy
I wonder why I ever touched a boy?
The world has moved on
This tech is a wonder
A magickal tool
So I needn't get under
Another fuckwit
And end up conned
I'd rather be cream tea-ed than cream pied
And with my mum ab-scone-d.

???

Don't ever write that you don't drink
You'll end up with some bloke from AA

Don't say you can stand on your own two feet
Only manhaters speak that way.

Bawdy rhymes attract one night stand lines
Liking walks calls the cheap divorcees

Seems brains don't do it for OLD guys
But cleavage gets you dates all day.

@SoulofanAggron- that is pretty powerful!

@BitOfFun The relatively sensible one or the 2nd one? I have another one but it's too sensible.

How about you? Show us your stuff please.

The sensible one!

I'm all worded out by the lawn mowing puns on another thread, sorry .

@Snugglepumpkin

Don't ever write that you don't drink You'll end up with some bloke from AA

Don't say you can stand on your own two feet
Only manhaters speak that way.

Bawdy rhymes attract one night stand lines
Liking walks calls the cheap divorcees

Seems brains don't do it for OLD guys
But cleavage gets you dates all day.

Brilliant!