Gay?

[M0mmzee]

You all know when you get a gut feeling that something isn’t right with your OH?
My DH and me have been married for 16 yrs and at the start we made love very often - maybe made love is wrong, we had sex very often because it never ever felt like we had made love! Now it’s less but he always wants oral sex and to do it doggy style which is okay now and then but not all the time! He plays at trying to please me. There isn’t much foreplay. He used to ask me what I liked and then never do it.
At the end of it all I get,”Love ya,” like he feels that’s what you should do.
It’s confusing me.
He flirts with women and very occasionally says inappropriate things, not of a sexual nature though. They all think he’s charming of course and look at me like they’re sorry for me.
So why do I keep thinking he might be gay?

There's nothing in what you've said to indicate he might be gay or bisexual. (unless there a massive drip feed coming)

However it does indicate that he that he either
A) doesn't have much sex drive and is subscribing to "duty calls" to keep you content
B) he's selfish in bed and is only worried about him getting off, not you.

Either of these would be sufficient reason to end the relationship. For me.

TBH it sounds like you feel he isn’t physically attracted to you so he must be gay. If he’s flirting with other women he probably isn’t gay. But yes hanging on for a drip feed here too

What makes you think he is gay if he is flirting with other people?

I really don't understand how you're coming to the conclusion that he might be gay. Is there more to this? Perhaps what you really feel is a lack of emotional connection.

Is there anything else that makes you think he’s gay? Lots of men like doggy style

Cos he’s chatty with young men too and isn’t that what gay men like - oral sex and doggy (except anal instead of vaginal) ?

So he’s chatty with everyone?

And most straight men like oral sex and doggy too! And women! By itself I wouldn’t think he was gay..

But besides this, he doesn’t seem to care about your preferences or what you like, does he? Have you discussed why he asks what you like and then doesn’t do it? Do you communicate about it?

He sounds more like a selfish person who is only concerned with satisfying his own sexual needs, perhaps he is a misogynistic and doesn't think he needs to concern himself about "women enjoying sex" as "they have it done to them", perhaps he resents you in some way and doesn't want to give you pleasure, perhaps he is narcissistic and isn't capable of showing you the love you want, there are many many men who are married/partnered but don't "adore" and "cherish" their partners.

I think your gut instinct is telling you something is off. Has it always felt this way to you? Do you feel he doesn't really, deep down love you?

Got to say, based on what you've stated there is zero evidence that he's gay but if you're sex life is not fulfilling from your point of view or you are concerned that it represents some sort of malaise in your relationship then you should talk to him and address your concerns.

isn’t that what gay men like - oral sex and doggy

Isn't that what a lot of women and men, straight gay and bi, all like?

You rarely hear anyone admitting to liking a peck on the cheek and straight up and down missionary and that's it.

I'm a woman and I love doggy style.
What the hell is wrong with you?!

@M0mmzee

Cos he’s chatty with young men too and isn’t that what gay men like - oral sex and doggy (except anal instead of vaginal) ?

Ey?!

@M0mmzee

Cos he’s chatty with young men too and isn’t that what gay men like - oral sex and doggy (except anal instead of vaginal) ?

Whereas straight men are are strictly missionary only and hate getting their cocks sucked.

@Mookie81 be kind.....her husbands gay

Why on earth do you think he's gay?

Maybe he just doesn't find you attractive anymore.

[quote MrsOldma]@Mookie81 be kind.....her husbands gay[/quote]
By her criteria, so's every man I've ever slept with!

As a gay woman who is friends with numerous gay men. I know gay men who don’t like oral, who don’t like dodgy style, who prefer missionary etc. They are all quite different believe it or not, you know just like straight men and women.

Doggy has its place in a straight relationship, as does oral. But, if that's the only way you are getting it, then it's no surprise your dissatisfied, neither are particularly intimate positions, so you can't wrap your arm around or make eye contact easily. Sounds like he's not an emotional lover, in fact he actively is avoiding positions that would involve intimacy. After 16 years, it's not likely to improve, surprised you've lasted this long with him. I'd be fed up after weeks of same routine and be looking to change it up, or ship out - but then variety is important to me.

To be fair, an ex boyfriend I had in my early 20s went from liking sex in various different ways to vastly preferring doggy style and not being able to climax unless with did it that was or I have him a blow job to finish things off. I found it very strange and I had an unsettled feeling that something wasn’t right and that he was keeping something from
me. Turned out that he was in the closet and he ended up cheating on me with a man.

Not saying that this is definitely what is happening with OP’s DP but that to reach that conclusion from his sexual habits isn’t a massive stretch.

[quote MrsOldma]@Mookie81 be kind.....her husbands gay[/quote]
I'm going to assume this is a humorous, sarcastic remark!

@Mookie81

I think you’re making a bit of a leap!

DH loves doggy and oral, he certainly is not gay.

Bit of a leap to gay, I like oral &Doggy and I’m not gay

But it’s does sound like the sex is pretty boring and he is doing the least amount of work to get by.

What happens if you suggested other positions?

Haha, funny post.
It sounds like things have got a bit stale, certainly not signposting gay.