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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

If your phone bill was suddenly sky high and your DH was hiding the bills......

61 replies

Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 19:21

What would you be thinking?

We are with Tiscali and our bills were around £20 a month but the last two have been for nearly £80 each. DH being very evasive when I talk about the bills - he's not sure where they are etc etc.
He gets the post 3 days a week as I am working and they've obviously come in on days when I work and after I've left the house.
We are on the Anytime Talk plan so only premium rate numbers should bump it up (+ mobiles of course) but £80!!

DH is working away tonight and tomorrow but is telling me not to worry about it.

All I can think is "WTF is he up to"?

Have tried to access the bill online but can't.

Am about to ring Tiscali and ask for duplicate bills.

OP posts:
BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 19:47

Do yyou suspect he may have met someone while he's been somewhere and is calling her????

(sorry)

spooklesandwhine · 04/10/2007 19:47

sorry got the wrong end of the stick i thought it was phone calls didn't read properly

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 19:47

It's what I'd be wondering.

spooklesandwhine · 04/10/2007 19:49

when is he back?

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 19:50

Oh I have too, wrong end, stick, sorry, I'll go now.

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

UlySCREAMS · 04/10/2007 19:50

I wonder if it's a way of secretly calling people so it doesn't show on your bill?

When will you talk to him next? How on earth did he think this would slip by?

scareybee · 04/10/2007 19:51

This is a bit shit and I'm sorry you suffered abuse as a child. But your DH lying to you about this kind of thing isn't going to help. Have you talked about your low libido honestly?

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 19:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 19:51

Don't really know what to think tbh. Am going to talk with him at the weekend once DS is in bed.
He doesn't have a 3G phone so isn't using his mobile, he only has a business bank account because it made sense financially for all the bills to come out of one account - mine due to his irregular income.
No - I think all this stuff is done on-line and he's talking to somebody there.
Trouble is that the calls are up to £6 a time so I am a tad pissed off as I pay the bills.
He is about to pay extra cash in to my account hence the "don't worry about it sweetie".

OP posts:
elescarybells · 04/10/2007 19:51

gambling on line is so common now tcp, i know its hard not to but don't just assume its sex chat till you have the number.

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 19:52

That really isn't the point tho is it, grrrrrr.

MaryBleedinShelley · 04/10/2007 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 19:53

We have talked lots about the low libido - I was very honest with him right from the start about my past and he always said it wasn't a problem and he'd support me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 19:55

Am off to drink a glass of wine....or two!

OP posts:
UlySCREAMS · 04/10/2007 19:56

'don't worry sweetie' he's lying and patronising too.

How far away is he? Any chance of getting there?

BandofMutantMonsters · 04/10/2007 19:57

Hmm, it's easy to say, he probably thought he could "fix" you with a good shag.

They always think they can fix things, or that you talk about things cos that's what you want.

spooklesandwhine · 04/10/2007 19:57

Has he gone online from your home pc? can you look at the address site history (bit sneaky i know but needs must and all that...)

Original poster
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 21:08

He has just e-mailed me.

Says that he is addicted to chatlines. Can you get addicted to chatlines? Says he's had this as a secret for nearly 20 years and had weaned himsel;f off them for the last few years but a few weeks ago when I was away he saw an ad and rang it. Has rung them lots since - hence the high phone bills.

Don't know what to think tbh. Financially it's a small amount thank goodness.

He's asked me to ring Tiscali and get a block put on premium rate numbers. Persoanlly I think he should do this but the phone bill is in my name so I'll have to do it.

Lots of apologies in the e-mail including one for not being adult enough to ring me and talk over the phone or face to face on his return. Says I am his rock and that me ahd DS are the most important things in his life.

Don't know what to do - I need to send a reply but just don't know what to say. Don't want to say "it's okay" because it obviously is not.

OP posts:
scareybee · 04/10/2007 21:14

Oh dear Well at least he's being honest I guess. I suppose you can be addicted to chatlines, you can get addicted to anything really.

I don't have any words of advice, just wanted to give you a hug (((theclosetpagan))). Hopefully someone a bit wiser will be along soon

spooklesandwhine · 04/10/2007 21:17

i'm glad he has told you what is going on as at least it will stop some of the paranioa

I'm not sure what you can say really, tell him your glad he has told you and yes definatley make sure you block all the numbers - but i think you need to find out why he is addicted to them - what type of chatrooms he is addicted to - if there is any kind of support group for this - if there is he should go - addiction can be very destructive so help where help is needed but make sure he is open and honest with you from now on

good luck x

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/10/2007 21:23

Tell him you are glad he has told you. Tell him you love him and would like to sort it out.

Tell him you are also upset and disappointed and would like to talk more about it when he is home.

Because you are, all of the above, arent you?

Original poster
Theclosetpagan · 04/10/2007 21:24

Feel too crap to reply to him this evening. Feel I should as he is probably stewing.

Oddly I don't hate him, I still love him and still like him.
Nobody ever made me laugh the way he can and nobody has ever been so supportive to me. He is a great Dad to DS who he adores.

It's just a pretty big bombshell and I am still numb.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/10/2007 21:25

You could tell him just that too - that would be fine.

piximon · 04/10/2007 21:28

just caught up with the thread, originally I was wondering if maybe your pc was hacked, but I see he has told you what is going on. Obviously you have to deal with this, but it must have been a big step for him to confide in you, esp since he has kept his secret so well, so at least you can put your mind at rest about an affair/gambling etc. I'm sure there are groups out there that could help get to the route of the problem or maybe addiction counselling and I hope you never for one moment start to blame yourself for what you have been through. Good luck Tcp.