Did you meet someone after feeling like you never would?

[User2738]

I have given up meeting someone. Things haven’t worked out with various people for different reasons. I can’t even face dating like I used to.

I’m sad about it because I’d love a relationship and to share life with someone. But this time I’ve really given up. In the back of my mind I still have the hope and wish but I can’t find myself taking any action to meet someone like I used to. I just feel defeated.

I had back to back relationships for about 30 years but been single a few years now. Had short relationships with a couple of men I met online and just starting another one now. I'm happy on my own but having someone makes things more fun. Keep your standards high but be open and friendly and see if you connect with anyone.

Watching with interest- currently feel like il never meet anyone again

I am one of those people who was single (nasty divorce) and staying that way, then met someone out of the blue. Wasn’t looking for anything, it just happened (and we are very happy). In my view, just get on with your life and what will be, will be.

Don't people say you meet someone when you least expect it? For example in Tesco, in a car park, through a mutual friend ?

I have. I left a very unhappy relationship after 10 years. I was really low, no self esteem left and 37 years old. I realised that marriage and children were really important to me and very worried I would have neither.
I did OLD for a while and dated a couple of people, but it didn't feel right with either of them. Then I met DH through a friend when I was least expecting it and had given up on finding someone. I was 38 and I'm so pleased I didn't settle for anyone else. He really was worth the wait.
We've been together 6 years now, married for nearly 5 with 2 beautiful daughters. DD1 is 3 and DD2 is 4 months old and born in lockdown.
I hope things work out for you.

Yes I met someone nearly a year ago. I'd had a couple of relationships ( if you can call them that) after my marriage had broken up. I can see now that i was going for the same type of man(idiot) all the time. My current partner has everything that I've been looking for. With saying this at first glance & by some of our initial chat he was absolutely not my type, looks or other wise. I thought I'd meet up as I had nothing to lose & we got on brilliantly & still do. He's not perfect, but neither am I. He is extremely kind, has the same morals & importantly for me honest & builds me up, not down.
I was worried that I'd be going through life hopping through unsuitable men. Just went into this one with a different attitude- if they don't like me it's their problem not mine. Seems to have worked.
Don't give up. Do it on your terms. Keep us updated

So nice to read these.

People do say things like oh I ended up meeting someone when I was on a car park or in ikea or whatever! But I can’t even comprehend how that would happen in reality!

For the first time ever I’ve genuinely sat and thought that I really have just given up. I would love for it to happen but I can’t face dating and searching and joining stupid activities to ‘get out there.’ I’ve done it soo many times over, even singles holidays and never found anyone significant. I’m late thirties too so do feel very defeated.

I had a really bad relationship which drove me to a nervous breakdown and I voluntarily asked social services to look after my kids who believe me were better off with them than the mess I was at the time , I thought I'd never ever bother again once I'd got my children and myself back and just used to go on a chat app to pass the nights , I noticed a friend of a friend had been looking at my profile and after a few days started the conversation , that was 2 years ago and I feel at 40 I have finally met the male version of me we gel so easily and have similar outlooks on life and what we want from it , I feel loved and an equal in our relationship and for the first time in my life believe there is someone meant for everyone , dont give up but dont be in a rush to only see what is on the surface either good look xx

Did most of you end up carrying on dating? Sometimes feels like that’s the only way but I don’t want to face it anymore..it’s not that I mind the actual dates it’s the fact I never meet anyone I like, even after going out a few times to give it a proper go.

army that is amazing to read!!!

I've been away from MN for 6 months. I was here for 8 years, single all that time, had given up. Got me down quite often. I've actually met someone during lockdown. Totally unexpected. Via the net but not internet dating. We bubbled when that was allowed and we spend every weekend together. It's the best relationship I've ever had already. Everything about it is right. Hang in there.

That's great news @ShatnersWig I remember you as a constant contributor on the dating threads, lovely to know you are happily no longer single!

Love this, how wonderful!

Yes, I met DP just before my 40th birthday, on Tinder, after my friends made me sign up. Weirdly he was part of a big national event that I decided on a whim to take the DC to as we were at a loose end, and I think it was while we were both there that we matched. Marriage with exH ended badly, then we cohabited for months afterwards which was just awful, I couldn't see how I was ever going to get my life back. I basically found him a house to rent and forced him to make the move, then 8 months later along came DP. That was 3 years ago now and we are happier than ever.

Same here @ShatnersWig - although mine was in the dying days of Soulmates when I logged on for the freebie after eight years of singledom (and not a lot before that). Among all the pensioners messages (I’m 48) was a lovely message from Mr Engineer and although it’s early days it’s just lovely. Hope you are having a lovely time too.

To the OP - not sure whether it’s applicable to you, but over the last few years I finally made peace with all my fears. I got my pension sorted out in case I was on my own for the rest of my life. I did some work on the house because I decided to stay in it. I went on holidays I wanted to go on rather than the ones I thought I’d meet a bloke on. I grieved for the kids I’ll never have and said goodbye to being a mum. He said the reason he liked me so much was because he “thought I had my shit all sorted out”.

I haven’t, of course. I’m nervous about meeting his kids next year, and terrified that although this seems like a lovely mid-life relationship something I do could massively fuck it up. Or that he goes off me. Or that thanks to Covid I haven’t been able to have electrolysis for 6 months and am desperately trimming away a lady beard (thanks, PCOS) that he has no idea about. But yeah, it’s when I thought, I’d like a man in my life but I don’t need one, that it happened.

@ShatnersWig ooh that's lovely to hear . I remember you from the single threads. I wish you both a lot of happiness together .

Absolutely!

I had given up, terrible marriage, failed relationships, awful OLD
So I got a cat
Then a gorgeous man moved in next door, I just shagged him because he was hot, 2 years later we're still together.

He is an amazing man, confident in himself enough to tell me & everyone else how much he loves me, how proud he is to be with me, how amazing I am, how intelligent I am etc. He spoils me, but is no pushover, he's kind and funny and great with my kids
I adore him, and I can't ever imagine life with anyone else

Trust me, he will arrive when you least expect it

Yes!
Met DP online, wasn’t my usual type but for some reason I felt I should give it a chance and I’m so glad I did. He’s my best relationship by far, I still find myself feeling very lucky to have met him 4 years on. We’re getting married next year and we couldn’t be happier.

I did! After a couple of failed relationships and a string of rotten dates I'd decided to embrace being single and find a FWB. I went to meet my now boyfriend for our first date with zero hopes or expectations but fell head over heels for him as soon as I clapped eyes on him. It's been the easiest, most stress free relationship I've ever experienced. He's never messed me about, is so wonderful and kind and I'm absolutely mad about him. It's the relationship I always used to daydream about when I was stuck in unhappy ones and I thank god every day that I didn't settle for any of the other men I've been with. Long may it continue!!

As hard as it is, please try not to fret about finding love and if dating is getting you down then take a break and don't force it if you're not in the right headspace. You'll know in yourself when you're ready to get back into it. I know it's so so hard but try not to get too deflated when things don't turn out how you hope because all the failed relationships and crap dates teach you what's important to you in a relationship and what you want/need in a partner.

Nope, seven years and counting. Love being single. Don't even go on dates.

Yes. In my early 30s, I had recently split up with somebody which was the latest in a string of failed relationships. My younger brother had got engaged and although I was delighted for him, I felt like I was never ever going to meet the right person. I cried to my mum about it.

A month later I met my DH and we've been together 10 years. You never know what's around the corner!

Yes after a few years of so many failures on OLD I decided to give it another try. Two years ago I met the man of my dreams. Don't give up on love I'm so glad o didn't. If it's not fun take a break work on yourself then give it a try

I'm not sure I'd given up completely but at 30 having NEVER had any kind of serious or meaningful relationship, I decided I'd look into having children on my own if I didn't meet anyone by the time I was 35. I met my DH at 31. Had a baby by 34. Married at 36. I did online dating on and off for years and could just never get passed the first date with anyone. Never met the right guy. Glad I waited and didn't give up hope completely.

I've given up but maybe I should in my late fifties. Maybe I'm too old to even comment on this thread!

I'd been on my own for nearly 20 years and then a couple of years ago I met a man out of the blue when least expecting to. He left me after two years.

I feel that he was my last chance. Fortunately I like being on my own but as @Sakurami says, life is more fun with someone else.

I think if you are living your life, going out and being sociable there is always the likelihood of meeting someone.

Late 40s now and always believed I'd meet someone after relationships fizzled. Met someone a year ago and so far, so good. Hard working, funny, sexy and the sexiest bum ever I digress.... for me it was about not accepting just anyone. I waited and was prepared to wait for someone I really liked. I was happy single so that made it easier.

If my current relationship was to end, yes, I believe I would meet someone else. Why?Because I am a good person, kind, fun and have plenty to offer. I think that optimistic approach helps as well